Posting for a friend.

jsbt2014 · February 2012

Hello, I'm writing this for a friend who does not have an account on The Knot, hope that's okay! My friend was asked to be a bridesmaid in her brothers wedding. She is very close with her brother and his bride-to-be. The wedding is now 2 months away, and my friend, who is currently 6 months pregnant, was just put on bed rest. The doctor did say, however, that she would still be able to walk down the aisle and sit with the other bridesmaids rather than stand. She already has her dress and accessories and has gone above and beyond for her brother and FSIL, but when FSIL found out about the bed rest, she kicked my friend out of the wedding. She says she doesn't want the wedding party to be seated. On top of that, she wants my friend to lend her dress, jewelry, and shoes to her replacement. My friend is devastated, but doesn't want to start any drama. She really wants to get some advice from you all. Thanks!

maribeth721 · February 2012

Wow....that is incredibly rude. Regardless of anyone's situation you cannot "fire" or "kick out" a bridesmaid. She cannot just ask her to give these things to someone else, especially if she has already paid for them! I wouldn't be letting her borrow anything and no way would I be giving things I paid for to someone else. It's rude enough that she even replaced her. Her replacement must feel like such an after thought since she wasn't asked when the rest of the party was. Has she tried talking to her brother about this? Does he know what his fiance is doing?

AllAboutTheBenjamin · February 2012

Um. I'd tell that bride that her "replacement" can buy her own shiit and then I'd probably think she was a bitch for the rest of her life.

jennipea382 · February 2012

Wow.. that's terrible. My wedding is over a year away and in that time one of my bridesmaids could easy get pregnant (though I doubt it, it could happen!). I'd never kick one of them out. I'd understand if they decided not to be a BM, but that would be their choice, not mine. What's wrong with having her just sit on the end? I don't think that would look weird at all, and I think people would understand when they see she is pregnant.

I agree with PPs - has she talked to her brother? I'd be PISSED if my FI kicked one of his GM out, especially for a stupid reason.

mbcdefg · February 2012

I'd be more angry at my brother for staying with a biitch who's going to treat his family that way, frankly.

If I were your friend I would say, "I paid $xyz for all this stuff. Reimburse me for the total cost and I'll gladly give it to the girl you found to replace me." I wouldn't do her a single favor until I had the total amount of cash in my hand first.

Your friend will not be starting any drama if she stands up for herself. The biitch bride chose to start the drama by being a total assh0le over this situation. Your friend can be polite, calm and classy without being a doormat. And she shouldn't worry about salvaging the relationship with her future sister-in-law, because FSIL is obviously going to treat her like shiit for the rest of her life if she's willing to boot her from her wedding because she needs to be on bed rest for her PREGNANCY.

Holy hell. I certainly hope this is a wake-up call for her brother and that he runs for the hills.

Meghannsix · February 2012

What a heinous brat, who the hell cares if one bridesmaid sits or not? Ask your friend if her brother is aware, and then she can offer to sell her bridesmaid gear to the replacement. What an awful situation, what nerve to kick someone out and then ask her to lend out items that she now has no use for anyhow.

TiffannieF · February 2012

WOW. I'm amazed at how extremely rude this bride is.

I suggest your friend talk with her brother, if they indeed have a close relationship, she needs to inform him that she would still love to walk down the aisle and just have a chair there for her. It won't look bad because she is obviously pregnant, as a matter of fact people would think kindly of the B & G that they have provided comfort for her.

If this is still not a go then tell your friend that because she purchased the dress I would just be a complete B!tch right back and wear the stuff to the actual wedding. When people ask why she didn't walk down the aisle she can just respond "Oh the bride kicked me out because I'm pregnant."

Maggie0829 · February 2012

I agree with PP...I would demand reimbursement for the money spent on the entire outfit before giving it to any replacement. If no reimbursement is given then I like Tiffannie's idea of wearing it to the wedding and then if people ask about tell them why you weren't included anymore.

Her FSIL is a complete b*tch and from this point on your friend should never do any favors or help her with anything ever again. I would also make sure that your friend talks to her brother about what was said (because he may honestly not know) and that she is incredibly hurt. Heck, he may come back and tell her to stand (or sit in this case) on his side for the wedding.

I know weddings can cause people to go slightly crazy but this one takes the cake...I almost want to find this girl and slap her!

frogger6673 · February 2012

This is absolutely horrid behavior! Just because she doesn't want a bridesmaid to be sitting she is willing to kick her out of the wedding party? That is very rude, and then to expect that everything that she bought for the SOLE purpose of bieng in said wedding be LOANED to the replacement is even more rude.

The nerve of some people! ;-( I feel bad for your friend, that her SIL is that type of person. She should speak with her directly and express her surpirse that she would be kicked out over her need for a chair. If it is set in stone, then she should ask the bride to buy the items from her.

msuprincess04 · February 2012

I'd flat out tell her no. She bought pretty dress, shoes, and jewelry that she wants the opportunity to wear again. Or maybe she'll just host her own little "trash-the-dress" party. What an awful person, let alone bride. I can't believe her brother didn't say anything!?!?

jsbt2014 · February 2012

A message from my friend: thanks so much for the advice and support! I love the idea about wearing the dress and everything anyway! My brother does know some of what is going on, but he doesn't know what to do. We don't know why, but it's as if FSIL flipped some switch in the last few months and she has become a different person. They've been together for 10 years and she has always been the sweetest person. We're hoping it's just a case of the bridezillas and she'll go back to her old self after the wedding.

TiffannieF · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_posting-for-a-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:996a5bc7-3121-49da-bc30-cba88bea8bbfPost:63395626-4bc7-4642-8a68-59e59524400e">Re: Posting for a friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]A message from my friend: thanks so much for the advice and support! I love the idea about wearing the dress and everything anyway! My brother does know some of what is going on, but he doesn't know what to do. We don't know why, but it's as if FSIL flipped some switch in the last few months and she has become a different person. They've been together for 10 years and she has always been the sweetest person. We're hoping it's just a case of the bridezillas and she'll go back to her old self after the wedding.
Posted by jsbt2014[/QUOTE]

Ya, she is being bridezilla....as her FH, he needs to be a man get a hold of her bring her to reality.

On a VERY serious note, my brother got married to a gal that I loved but 3 months after the wedding she turned in the biggest witch in the world. She all the sudden felt entitled to everything and demanded my father and I drop our busy lives just to give them attention (although she never messaged us back if we did talk). She made big stinks about everything. I constantly was telling my brother that she is being a selfish child and he needs to tell her to grow up before she cuts her ties with this side of the family.

My brother took her side and stopped talking my father and I. A year and a half after they got married we found out that she was cheating on him and they are now going through a divorce. My brother came crying to my father and I apologizing for not listening to us. He agreed he should have never caved into her childish behavior.

Now I believe a H should always support his WIFE before family, however, if irrational behavior is involved he needs to speak up.

Moral of story: He needs to have a reality check with his FW and let her know that she is being irrational and hurtful to her own FSIL...they will be family after this and what she is doing now will hurt their relationship in the future.

jemmini6 · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_posting-for-a-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:996a5bc7-3121-49da-bc30-cba88bea8bbfPost:63395626-4bc7-4642-8a68-59e59524400e">Re: Posting for a friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]A message from my friend: thanks so much for the advice and support! I love the idea about wearing the dress and everything anyway! My brother does know some of what is going on, but he doesn't know what to do. We don't know why, but it's as if FSIL flipped some switch in the last few months and she has become a different person. They've been together for 10 years and she has always been the sweetest person. We're hoping it's just a case of the bridezillas and she'll go back to her old self after the wedding.
Posted by jsbt2014[/QUOTE]

I think your brother needs to stand up to his FI. Just because she is getting married doesn't give her the right to act like a brat and treat her future family like pawns in her pretty parade. Also, things just don't go back to normal after the wedding. When feelings get hurt over a stupid party, that resentment stays with you for a long time and she's seriously jeapordizing her relationship with your entire family.

Don't give her the dress, even if she offers to buy it, and I'd probably have a few choice words to her about it too. Honestly, at this point, even if she changed her mind and wanted you to be in the wedding, I'd probably turn it down now because you obviously know how she really feels about you.

mbcdefg · February 2012

My brother does know some of what is going on, but he doesn't know what to do. We don't know why, but it's as if FSIL flipped some switch in the last few months and she has become a different person. They've been together for 10 years and she has always been the sweetest person. We're hoping it's just a case of the bridezillas and she'll go back to her old self after the wedding.

This is the point where the brother (and maybe even your friend) need to sit down with the bride and say, "You haven't been yourself lately and I'm concerned about you. I understand that planning a big event like a wedding can be stressful, but this is totally out of character for you and it's just inexcusable to kick my sister out of the wedding because of her pregnancy. I think you need to take a break from the plans for a bit, relax and then re-evaluate this situation. It's not going to be the end of the world if she's sitting down for the ceremony. Do you really want to throw away a relationship with a future family member over a CHAIR?"

TiffannieF · February 2012

Not to mention this is her future niece or nephew that your friend is carrying! Besides the entire party doesn't need to sit, just her. Also, just as another alternative. The bride picks her side, the groom picks his... she can just sit on your brothers side.

graysquirrel · February 2012

Wow, that is unbelievable! What an unfeeling, horrid woman. I agree with pps-- your friend shouldn't have to lend her dress and jewlery to anybody. She paid for them, they are hers, she should keep them. It isn't her fault that her health declined while she is PG. Her replacement can buy her own dress. This woman deserves to have her PPD a little off.

Meghannsix · February 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_posting-for-a-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:996a5bc7-3121-49da-bc30-cba88bea8bbfPost:548a8a4d-def0-49f3-8eee-df5fd1802808">Re: Posting for a friend.</a>:
[QUOTE]Not to mention this is her future niece or nephew that your friend is carrying! Besides the entire party doesn't need to sit, just her. Also, just as another alternative. The bride picks her side, the groom picks his... she can just sit on your brothers side.
Posted by TiffannieF[/QUOTE]

This is brilliant, and I bet she can find something to wear if this becomes the arrangement.

Viczaesar · February 2012

Friend's FSIL is a biitch. She should be paying back Friend for all the costs associated with the wedding. If I were Friend I'd straight up tell Bride that she owes me $X for the wedding gear, and once she pays I'll fork over the goods for the replacement bridesmaid. And then I'd tell my brother that she's being a biitch, but that's me.

andrea2473 · February 2012

I just don't fucking understand people. My bf was due 6 days after my wedding and I let her know VERY early on that I still wanted her there if she was up for it, she could wear whatever she was comfortable in, and she could sit down if she needed to. She didn't even have to ask. And I don't think I'm a special snowflake. I think I'm pretty damn normal and I don't understand anyone who wouldn't react like that.

Your friend should NOT let anyone borrow her BM attire. There is no reason why she should bear the cost. And her FSIL is a cvnt who needs to get her priorities straight.

brookerich · February 2012

oh wow! How insanely rude! I'm really sorry that your friend is going thru this. I think all of the PP's are right though. You shouldn't let anyone "borrow" anything you've purchased. And I don't even know if I'd let them buy them from me either. I'd tell them if they thought they could find replacements in time then to go for it. Sheesh.

If it were my FSIL I'd tell her that if she was going to act like a turd to go lay in the yard. No sense in letting someone run over you. Sounds like she caught a bad case of the bridezillas!

ralbro · February 2012

Hi ladies! I typically lurk here and have gotten some wonderful advice, but this one struck a chord with me and I had to post a response.

Our wedding is next month and my sister was going to be one of my BM. She lives in another state but was planning on traveling for the wedding. I KNEW she was pregnant when I asked her to be a BM. A few months ago she found out she was having complications and was placed on bedrest. We were both disappointed that she won't be able to be here but obviously her health and the baby's health is more important.

That being said, I didn't "replace" her. She's my sister and I love her. I don't care if our sides are uneven. This bride is freaking ridiculous and someone should (politely) stand up to her. I agree with PP that there's no way in hell I'm letting this "replacement" borrow my dress, etc for the wedding. The bride is incredibly rude and shouldn't just assume that's ok. If I were the "replacement" I'd also feel like a piece of crap.

I just don't get people.

Posting for a friend.

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