Strip Clubs

mari0225 · December 2011

Of course FI wants to go to one for his bachelor party and I trust him to not do anything stupid. I have never been to one, should I go with him once to see what's it like? Or is that too much?

Lol another thread has my over imaginative imagination working overtime, I shouldn't read stuff like that when I only got a couple hours sleep and am hyped up on coke and coffee.

rmontpas · December 2011

I would just suggest you keep his credit card at home or make sure his limit is a lot lower than $9,700. lol

Seriously though, if it will make you feel better to check it out I would. I think if you have no idea what to expect it is easy to over think it and blow it out of proportion.

mari0225 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_strip-clubs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:f570748b-62b1-448d-b42f-ad9b071ab556Post:0b8e6fda-e918-4178-b9ca-27e98cd182b2">Re: Strip Clubs</a>:
[QUOTE]I would just suggest you keep his credit card at home or make sure his limit is a lot lower than $9,700. lol Seriously though, if it will make you feel better to check it out I would. I think if you have no idea what to expect it is easy to over think it and blow it out of proportion.
Posted by rmontpas[/QUOTE]

Yeah, well he's already maxed out his credit cards so he will definiately be leaving those at home. Yeah maybe I will go with him once, he would love that he's asked me to go before but I got weirded out and said no and he hasn't mentioned it again but maybe i'll put my big girl undies on and just do it.

mari0225 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_strip-clubs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:f570748b-62b1-448d-b42f-ad9b071ab556Post:8a218738-b371-4f12-bff8-3d3488266d36">Re: Strip Clubs</a>:
[QUOTE]For my and my H's relationship, it would be off limits, but that's something you need to determine with your FI. After that other thread, I'm thinking cash or a pre-paid credit card is the way to go.
Posted by djhar[/QUOTE]

Yeah he has never gone before since we've been together, so i'm not really sure how I feel about it. Yep cash only for us!

AmethystMSU · December 2011

I've never been to a normal strip club with female dancers. I did go to a strip club when they had ladies' night with male dancers. It was entertaining.

H went to strip clubs a fair amount before he met me. He has two skeezy a-hole uncles (MIL's brothers) who took him to one for his 21st birthday years ago and got him hooked when he was ahh, striking out with the ladies! Up until his bach party, he had never gone while we were together. I was uncomfortable with him going and would have preferred that he not go. However, I didn't want to be THAT FIANCEE who outlaws the strip club for a bach party when all his friends would want to go, KWIM? So I told him I was REALLY uncomfortable with the idea of him getting a lap dance. He promised he would try not to. Well of course his skeezy uncles kept buying him lap dances, as did his friends and brother, and he kept giving them to the other partygoers. At one point a stripper literally cornered him and made him accept a lap dance. I'm still pissed at his uncles and the couple friends who disrespected him and disrespected me by not respecting our wishes about the situation. I was somewhat upset when I found out, but I got over it eventually. Well and H felt terrible about it, so that helped.

mari0225 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_strip-clubs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:f570748b-62b1-448d-b42f-ad9b071ab556Post:f02fa2f9-c80a-42db-b3fe-54264a5c986f">Re: Strip Clubs</a>:
[QUOTE]I've never been to a normal strip club with female dancers. I did go to a strip club when they had ladies' night with male dancers. It was entertaining. H went to strip clubs a fair amount before he met me. He has two skeezy a-hole uncles (MIL's brothers) who took him to one for his 21st birthday years ago and got him hooked when he was ahh, striking out with the ladies! Up until his bach party, he had never gone while we were together. I was uncomfortable with him going and would have preferred that he not go. However, I didn't want to be THAT FIANCEE who outlaws the strip club for a bach party when all his friends would want to go, KWIM? So I told him I was REALLY uncomfortable with the idea of him getting a lap dance. He promised he would try not to. Well of course his skeezy uncles kept buying him lap dances, as did his friends and brother, and he kept giving them to the other partygoers. At one point a stripper literally cornered him and made him accept a lap dance. I'm still pissed at his uncles and the couple friends who disrespected him and disrespected me by not respecting our wishes about the situation. I was somewhat upset when I found out, but I got over it eventually. Well and H felt terrible about it, so that helped.
Posted by AmethystMSU[/QUOTE]

Yeah that's what I mean, I don't want to be the fiancee that says "No way in heck are you going" and he knows that i'm not thrilled with the idea and has promised he won't do anything he'd regret later.

It's good he kept his head and did try and respect your wishes. I am going to ask FI to try and respect mine, i'm not sure i'd even mind the lap dance out in the front but I will ask him to respect my wishes and not go into the back rooms, that just makes me super uncomfortable.

chickenbut143 · December 2011

Personally, I'm not the kindof person to put restrictions on my FI, so if he wants to go for his bach party, then fine (he would never go otherwise)...but like you said mari - he needs to be aware of limitations. I know my bff plans on getting a stripper for my bachelorette party (i did for hers) so its not really fair for me to say "absolutely not" for him and have one myself. BUT we'll both have restrictions on behavior and $$.

entropicbeauty · December 2011

My FI and I are doing a joint celebration because we both have male/female friends and we want to just party and have fun with all of them (not do boys/girls stuff)

Plus, I know some of FI's friends are totally trashy and have talked him into doing really stupid stuff in the past so I don't trust them for a minute! The last thing I want is for one of them to talk him into something I can't forgive him for.

bruna29 · December 2011

I agree with chickenbut in that I don't really restrict my FI from doing something in particular, but I really can't see my FI going to a strip club for his bachelor's party anyway. He's just not that type of man. He's never been to one before, and his idea of a good night out is usually a concert or the movies. I guess I'm pretty lucky in that regard, but even if he wanted to go, I completely trust him.

mari0225 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_strip-clubs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:f570748b-62b1-448d-b42f-ad9b071ab556Post:3c373748-030b-469f-a152-48169a9ea29b">Re: Strip Clubs</a>:
[QUOTE]Personally, I'm not the kindof person to put restrictions on my FI, so if he wants to go for his bach party, then fine (he would never go otherwise)...but like you said mari - he needs to be aware of limitations. I know my bff plans on getting a stripper for my bachelorette party (i did for hers) so its not really fair for me to say "absolutely not" for him and have one myself. BUT <strong>we'll both have restrictions on behavior and $$. </strong>
Posted by chickenbut143[/QUOTE]

Exactly! One of my bridesmaids is more conservative than I am so no strippers for me, but I cannot honestly say I would be opposed to it. However he's already gotten to some cc trouble (thnakfully not as bad as that OP's in the other thread) which is why he's given the finances to me so he has some serious limitations on the money front

mollyehren · December 2011

Personallly I would be fine with it and knowing my fiancee's best man (my brother) I'm sure it will be a wild night. My theory is if a guy is going to do something stupid he is going to do it regardless of if he has your attention

[Deleted User] · December 2011

Both my FI and I are VERY uncomfortable about strippers. Nothing against them, they're just not for us, so we both will do other things for the bachelor and bachelorette parties.

I actually found out my views are shared with my Mom and sister. One of my Mom's coworkers was getting married and my Mom dragged my sister and I along with her to the party. As soon as the stripper came out, all three of us ran behind the food table. Every time the stripper started towards us, my Mom would yell, "No, we don't have any money for you!"

mari0225 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_strip-clubs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:f570748b-62b1-448d-b42f-ad9b071ab556Post:13498042-dda5-430c-bd16-746c4cdf71bd">Re: Strip Clubs</a>:
[QUOTE]Personallly I would be fine with it and knowing my fiancee's best man (my brother) I'm sure it will be a wild night. My theory is if a guy is going to do something stupid he is going to do it regardless of if he has your attention
Posted by mollyehren[/QUOTE]

Yeah that is true and since FI and I don't live together yet except on the weekends, he lives about an hour away from me he must love and respect me since i've never had a moments worry.

BubbsNBubbs · December 2011

As PS women...I think that it's almost silly for our men to go the strip club. If they wanted skinny women...they would be with skinny women. I know it's a man thing and that men are turned on more visually...but if a man chooses to be with a PS woman...obviously the whole super skinny look is not all that appealing to him. So I say...go, have fun! I am of the mindset that I don't care where he gets his appetite, as long as he eats at home.

If they made hottie man clubs where we could go and watch hot men do things that normal everyday men don't..ehhhem housework? I would totally be hitting up that club with my stacks of ones.

amandaf6383 · December 2011

My FI and I aren't really into strippers or strip clubs. We went once with friends and it wasn't a big deal. I'm sure there will be strippers for his bach party and I'm totally cool with it. His friends are also my friends and they are all very sweet and respectful guys. They're all married and they all had the bach parties with strippers and everything worked out fine. That being said, I think it's a very personal decision between you and your FI and you shouldn't feel like you have to be on board with it. If it creeps you out, it creeps you out, and that's okay. I think as long as you're both honest about expectations and feelings, it will be fine. :-)

LGM22 · December 2011

I've been to a strip club twice and both times it wasn't weird to me. I even got a lap dance and the girl was very nice and we had a lovely conversation during the dance. It entirely depends on the type of club he goes to - as I said in another thread - the Strip Club in my area that I went to didn't take CCs - it was cash only and didn't serve alcohol. We did get complimentary nonalcohlic drinks however.

Something to remember about strip clubs - when a woman goes, the dancers will (usually) be much nicer to the guy(s) you're with as having a female with you tends to show you're not a total letch or skeevy guy. Tends to.

This is my general experience.

Our neighbor that we love, adore and always hang out with noticed a new strip club popped up in our neighborhood and I immediately reacted by saying we should all go sometime. FI was the one who was actually uncertain - he's never been and actually doesn't have any desire to go to a strip club.

becka717 · December 2011

I think I would be OK with FI going to a strip club, but maybe not. His BIL was supposed to go to one for his bachelor party, but they ended up not going. I was rather relieved. FI didn't even want to go then. He hasn't been before and always thought his first time would be with one of his buddies who has gone in the past.

egeurts · December 2011

I've gone to strip clubs with my FI and one of his guy friends before. A stripper licked my ear (that was weird). Personally, I really don't see what the big deal is. I could care less about what the guys do, so long as they don't spend a ton of money.

Grits8812 · December 2011

I can't help you with what to expect at one, since neither of us ever have. Trust your FI, and make sure you have a very polite adult conversation with him about it. Don't accuse him of anything, just make sure that just because his friends offer to buy him a personal strip tease doesn't mean he has to take it.

I think it will be fine. They are men. If it makes you feel better about going to one to check it out, take your girls with you and go take a little look.

entropicbeauty · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_strip-clubs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:f570748b-62b1-448d-b42f-ad9b071ab556Post:4a0446c1-b7dc-4966-8849-a9d9f16e2f29">Re: Strip Clubs</a>:
[QUOTE]We're both secure in our love for each other and realize we're both human and humans are going to look. It would be like walking through an art museum and not looking at anything because you have a Picasso at home. Dude... appreciate the art. It's okay.
Posted by burntofferings[/QUOTE]

THIS! Very well said :)

divinemsbee · December 2011

I'm fine with them. I've known girls that worked at them through college (for real). My FI has been to a few with friends, he doesn't go often, but occasionally. And, as long as he doesn't spend rent on it, we're cool. What I tell him every time is that you treat these women with respect. They're doing a perfectly legal job, and they deserve respect. They aren't out to "steal my man," they're out to make a living. They're acting like they're interested, they aren't really.

If you have the time and wanted to read something really interesting that changed a lot of my preconceptions about strippers, read Strip City by Lily Burana. It's a fantastic book, and it really gives you an idea of what goes on without actually entering a club.

Here's the thing, though, if you think about it and really and truly aren't interested, and are really uncomfortable, then your FI should respect that. It doesn't mean you're the nag or the witch, it means that you have a boundary here, and that's your price of admission. He loves you, and he should respect your boundaries.

i2012do · December 2011

If you haven't been and would feel more comfrotable going. Then go.

To be honest, i have been, and I am kind of glad I did. it was totally NOT what i pictured a strip club to be at all (and I went to two different places). It was mostly men sitting watching and drinking beers and chatting with their friends.

I went down to the room where they did the lap dances (they usually take you to a private area) and there was like ,no one down there. Usually, it was the "bachelor" or "birthday boy"

to be honest,as a PP said. The stripper are PAID to be interested in the guys. Thats how they make their tips. They don't actually want to go home with your dude (if they do, that's a whole nother profession)

I would suggest that he got to a semi-legit place. I am sure there is a lot less going on there if its a well -established professional place, than a sleezy back alley place- THERE IS a difference.

If my fiance wanted to go, I wouldnt LOVE it but I would be liek "fine but no spending more than 100 bucks"

i2012do · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_strip-clubs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:f570748b-62b1-448d-b42f-ad9b071ab556Post:616173e5-6a66-4da0-a5ab-dabc06f9ea5c">Re: Strip Clubs</a>:
[QUOTE]My FI and I are doing a joint celebration because we both have male/female friends and we want to just party and have fun with all of them (not do boys/girls stuff) Plus, I know some of FI's friends are totally trashy and have talked him into doing really stupid stuff in the past so I don't trust them for a minute! The last thing I want is for one of them to talk him into something I can't forgive him for.
Posted by entropicbeauty[/QUOTE]

<div>I think that a person that loves someone should have enough will power to stand up to his friends. I know that peopledo things they regret- but that is 100% their choice. No one is holding a gun to a friends head telling them they have to do something wrong before they get married because its "tradition"</div><div>
</div><div>I am pretty sure if a guy walked away and said he didn't want to do something his real friends would appreciate it. And if they didnt, they are either drunk or crappy friends. If they are the former- then in the AM they will have totally agreed that the guy shouldnt have done it and ift hey are the latter- they suck,</div><div>
</div><div>But I don't think anyone in this world can be "TALKED" into doing something.</div><div>Unless its like a life/death situation. Ie something from crimminal minds.</div>

mollyehren · December 2011

I graduated with 3 girls who are "dancers", all of them are actaully lesbians as many of the dancers are.

mandctaft · December 2011

I've been to a strip club. They wear bottoms (if you can call them that) and pasties, but other than that thet are naked. It wasn't as bad as all that. The only reason we went is because no other bar on the mini-strip (4 bars) had Jager. I wanted it so I went in. My FI wound up coming to find me because I was in there talking to a girl I worked with at the hospital! If it will make you feel better, go with him. But be prepared that most of the girls are going to be scrawny. When FI was in there with me, he barely looked at the dancers and was focused on me, but just make sure you can deal with his wandering eyes.

IMO, if you are 100% comfortable with yourself and don't mind if he looks, go with him, but not if it's going to make you jealous/ feel horrible about yourself. Somethings you'd rather not know.

ashleyangel510 · December 2011

For us, this is something that is off-limits. H had a problem with porn for a while, and so the temptation is probably there for him, but he respects my desire for him not to go, and understands that I want to be the only one for him.

If you really have concerns about him going, tell him! He doesn't have to do the "traditional" bachelor party if it is something that you as a couple are not comfortable with. H and his guys just sat at home drinking beer and watching TV.

Gingery1 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_strip-clubs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:f570748b-62b1-448d-b42f-ad9b071ab556Post:5e95fd01-47c0-4147-ad56-131b8ef4251e">Re: Strip Clubs</a>:
[QUOTE]I've been to a strip club. They wear bottoms (if you can call them that) and pasties, but other than that thet are naked.
Posted by mandctaft[/QUOTE]

Check your local laws about this, my state allows full nudity.

I have attended one of these establishments with my FI several years ago. It was a spur of the moment idea for a friends birthday party. My experience was a learning one more than anything else. The girls were nice to me when I entered the lobby, as they try to make you feel comfortable just being there. It was nice that I got to see what went on and ask my FI a lot of questions. In all honesty, I found the waitresses much more attractive than the dancers!

As to your original question, it really depends on you. If you are interested in how these places work, I recommend going. If the idea of seeing naked girls "dance" on platforms grosses you out, stay home. The decision on to allowing him to go depends on the two of you having a discussion and him having respect for your views. Also keep in mind that it is not just your FI you have to trust not to do stupid things, it will also be the company he keeps during this party. If you do not trust some of his friends and they do not respect you, then maybe you two should set up rules for your parties.

Kome2012 · December 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_plus-sized_strip-clubs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:973cdc6f-961e-4fb0-a628-bef2bb559697Discussion:f570748b-62b1-448d-b42f-ad9b071ab556Post:75e233e2-5f34-475c-abb5-edfcf9184036">Re: Strip Clubs</a>:
[QUOTE]As PS women...I think that it's almost silly for our men to go the strip club. If they wanted skinny women...they would be with skinny women. I know it's a man thing and that men are turned on more visually...but if a man chooses to be with a PS woman...<strong>obviously the whole super skinny look is not all that appealing to him</strong>. So I say...go, have fun! I am of the mindset that I don't care where he gets his appetite, as long as he eats at home. If they made hottie man clubs where we could go and watch hot men do things that normal everyday men don't..ehhhem housework? I would totally be hitting up that club with my stacks of ones. :)
Posted by BubbsNBubbs[/QUOTE]

Not really accurate. My FI isn't built and perfectly toned, but I still find guys like Ryan Reynolds delish. I would expect the same of him.

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