Small ceremony, Big reception

cllngreenwood · July 2010

Recently I've begun to think that having a small, intimate ceremony, and large reception might be the way to go. The problem being, if we keep the ceremony to just immediate family, can we still have a bridal party? We both have several close friends who are expecting to be a part of the bridal party. Is it still appropriate if they are not present at the ceremony?

aerinpegadrak · July 2010

The only thing a bridal party has to do is stand beside you at the ceremony. So if you wouldn't have them present there, the title is absolutely meaningless.

What's your reasoning behind wanting the small ceremony? The reception is the expensive part, so it will save you little to no money. It's not necessarily wrong to invite people to the reception only (though some might be offended to be left out of the important part), but I just don't see the point.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

I guess I don't understand your question. Depending on where your ceremony is held (ex: a church), you may not be able to stop people from coming. Whoever receives a wedding invitation is invited to the wedding and the reception, wherever they may be. Whether they choose to come to one or both is their choice.

I suppose you could have a large BP, but if you want a small, initimate ceremony I think that defeats the purpose. Why not just have one or two people stand up for each you and your FI if you are trying to keep it small?

NillaWafer10 · July 2010

I'm not sure I would want to buy an expensive dress, shoes, and accessories for a wedding ceremony that I'm not technically in or even invited to.

trix1223 · July 2010

The "duites" of a WP start and end with the ceremony. They wear the attire, walk down the aisle, stand respectfully during the ceremony, and smile for the pictures.

What's the point of even having a WP if they're not at the part of the wedding that actually involves them?

gottahavashorti · July 2010

If they're not at the ceremony, they should be just guests.

redheadfsu · July 2010

If they are not at the ceremony then they are not even wedding guests, let alone members of the BP. People have to be at the ceremony to be at your wedding.

A small ceremony & a big reception can be considered very rude if you do it wrong. I'm not saying you can't do it w/o offending, but make sure the reception guests don't feel like you are being gift grabby or that they feel like 2nd class citizens.

tldh · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_small-ceremony-big-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ab440964-2890-43ce-9544-79e9bfed9e69Post:f708e6cf-8ecd-454d-b5ee-2996d3b7458b">Small ceremony, Big reception</a>:
[QUOTE]Recently I've begun to think that having a small, intimate ceremony, and large reception might be the way to go. The problem being, if we keep the ceremony to just immediate family, can we still have a bridal party? We both have several close friends who are expecting to be a part of the bridal party. Is it still appropriate if they are not present at the ceremony?
Posted by cllngreenwood[/QUOTE]

No. If they are not a part of the actual wedding ceremony then they are not a bridal party.

Kristin789 · July 2010

>>A small ceremony & a big reception can be considered very rude if you do it wrong. I'm not saying you can't do it w/o offending, but make sure the reception guests don't feel like you are being gift grabby or that they feel like 2nd class citizens.

This.
Although if I had written it, I would eliminate the words: "f you do it wrong."
Meaning that this is totally rude, period.
I know no one who goes to these "big receptions" after they were deliberately cut out of seeing the ceremony, because the "big reception" is really just a "big gift delivery moment."

golden1215 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_small-ceremony-big-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ab440964-2890-43ce-9544-79e9bfed9e69Post:cb284cdf-6515-453b-9d60-55c5ffb75fd5">Re: Small ceremony, Big reception</a>:
[QUOTE] />> I know no one who goes to these "big receptions" after they were deliberately cut out of seeing the ceremony, because the "big reception" is really just a "big gift delivery moment."
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

I actually dont agree with this at all. I have gone to two very nice weddings where the reception was huge but the actual ceremony beforehand was private/family-only/small # of people whatever the case and I didnt mind at all. Nor did anyone else I talked to.

In one case the bride has very severe anxiety- on medication and everything- so saying vows in front of 200 people was out of the question, and I didnt think her tacky for it since the food/bar/music etc was very entertaining.

As long as guests know ahead of time, our invites said something like "private ceremony to be held beforehand"- so we knew not to try and search for church info, or show up before the reception time, I think its fine.

audreyconverse · April 2011

I think it's okay to have a smaller ceremony and a larger reception, but like everyone said, if the bridal party isn't at the ceremony, there isn't much point in having a bridal party.

If you choose to have a larger reception, you have to go about it the right way. Your invitations must be worded in a way that won't offend and you may not want to send out gift registry information with the invites. As for the person who said that the reception is basically just the part where you get the gifts...I worry about her marriage. The reception is the place to celebrate with the people you care about. Who gives a hoot about what you get out of it?

trix1223 · April 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_small-ceremony-big-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:ab440964-2890-43ce-9544-79e9bfed9e69Post:2b63919c-e4d8-4a9c-897c-3c931b6e743f">Re: Small ceremony, Big reception</a>:
[QUOTE]I think it's okay to have a smaller ceremony and a larger reception, but like everyone said, if the bridal party isn't at the ceremony, there isn't much point in having a bridal party. If you choose to have a larger reception, you have to go about it the right way. <strong>Your invitations must be worded in a way that won't offend and you may not want to send out gift registry information with the invites.</strong> As for the person who said that the reception is basically just the part where you get the gifts...I worry about her marriage. The reception is the place to celebrate with the people you care about. Who gives a hoot about what you get out of it?
Posted by audreyconverse[/QUOTE]

You shouldn't send out gift registry with the invitations under any circumstances.

Small ceremony, Big reception

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