Ok here goes....
We have bee together for 8 years and just got engaged 4 months ago. Days after getting engaged, a couple snarky ladies decided to spill the beans that he had an brief affair with the friend of his co-worker 2 years ago. VERY out of character for him & it was a crushing blow to me & to him b/c he felt like nothing. He told me that a few times following the affair, he almost packed a trash bag of clothes and left b/c I deserved better.
When that all comes out...we decide to press on, work it out b/c we love each other and he said he would do anything for a new start. He went to his Dr to see if he could get help for the anxiety/depression symptoms he was having. He got meds.Just about 3 weeks ago he made a counseling appt for himself. All of these things he did on his own and I was very proud of him. We had been having great conversations about moving forward. learning about each other's needs more, making wedding plans, he's asking me when he should take days off this summer, he'd planned on working a bit with me at my summer camp, going to many things together, HE continued to say things about wedding and babies like we always do etc....
We continued to have sex, even improving spontenaity and so on. He never showed me signs of pulling away but he did have some ups and down emotionally that were uncharacterisitic. He drinks w the meds and he's not supposed to. I think the meds make his depression worse, which can be a side affect. Loooong story short, after 4 months of more ups than downs, I come home and he is very down Sat afternoon. Says he is tired and had a long day. I leave and come back from an errand and he is now at a friend's house "having a beer". Fine - no problem there. THEN he comes home and I say again "are you ok?" he says "no, I'm not ok. I can't do this anymore. I just don't feel anything...." He says "I love everything about you. it's not you. It's just not there..we havent been connecting for awhile now ..." . There was NO incling of that at all & WHY did he ask mwe to marry him 4 mos ago then???? I am worried he is depressed and can't get over the guilt and thinks leaving is going to clean his slate and rid him of guilt.
I was horrified and shocked but was calm while crying. Asked why and said I was confused several times w/ no real answer except what he said before. He packed some clothes and went to a friends, we were both crying, we hugged and cried the whole works. This is the 4th day he's been gone and he has barely spoken to me at all. No calls, only a few breif responses to texts. I have backed off, just making it clear that I am here for him. love him and am ready to listen if he needs me. BUT at this point I am fuming inside. I do not deserve to all of a sudden be ignored like 8 years haven't existed...but I am trying to let him work it out in his own head. HELP?!
