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TOPIC: Deadbeat bridesmaids... aren't they supposed to be there to help out?

I'm currently planning an Oct wedding.  I got a lot done right away and there has been a good bit of down time in between (theres a lot of stuff that can't be done a year in advance). Well now it's time to get back in action. At this point the only thing any of my bridesmaids have done is buy their dersses, not even their shoes, just dresses! I'm very frusterated and actually kinda hurt by the laziness. Its not that i haven't let them know what i could use help with or what still needs to be done. And  my own MOTHER isn't any better. The only person asking what she can help with is my mother-in-law!?!?
I could be wrong, but i always though brides had bridesmaids to help out and lighten the load. They are all of my closest friends and for the avg women my age now a days most ppl only have a hand full of women the consider friends and not just aquantiances. I don't want to hurt the friendships. How do i let them know how i feel and get them to do what there supposed to be doing anyway and help me out without hurting feelings or pushing any buttons?  

Re: TOPIC: Deadbeat bridesmaids... aren't they supposed to be there to help out?

  • angel33284angel33284 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Welcome to 2010. Bridesmaid don't do s*** these days. It was different just 10 years ago. The only way to get them excited about helping out is to plan some get togethers with them and make it fun to help you plan. If it's not gonna be fun to help you then you'll lucky if they even show up at the wedding.

    (kidding of course. they'll show up for the free booze.)
  • edited December 2011
    why dont you simply ask them for help.  tell them that you will be doing xyz on Saturday and would like their help.  Set up a time. 

    With everyones busy schedule it is really hard to just call on the fly....they have lives too....try this and see how it works...

    It is not their "duty" to help you with the endless DIY projects you have taken on...They signed up to be there by your side on your wedding day....not for the entire year before!  Im not saying they shouldnt help.

    PS I got engaged in April and getting married in October, I had to do it all in 6 months with no down time, and i havent asked my bridesmaids for help (2 of them live over an hour away and the other has a baby)....so i understand your frustration. 
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  • edited December 2011
  • edited December 2011
    My wedding is next month. As far as I know, not one girl has gotten their shoes and only one girl has picked up her dress. Nobody has helped me fold cranes, stars or punch out sakura. The reason I'm not all butthurt about it is because it really doesn't matter at the end of the day. People's lives don't stop just because you're getting married.
    If you want help, ask for it. If you're worried about shoes, take your girls out for a day of shopping. Or buy them yourself.
    Talk to your girls candidly, don't be whiny, just let them know your expectations. Don't be demanding. If you want things done by a certain time because it gives you peace of mind, that's fine, just let them know. If you absolutely need help with things, let your MIL help you.

    Also, brides originally had bridesmaids to confuse evil spirits.
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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Hey, Jasmine, I thought you were getting married next August, not this August?

    I agree with PPs.  Two of my bridesmaids don't even live near me:  one is in IL, the other in Norway!  I didn't ask them to be bridesmaids in order to do "jobs" for me; I asked them because these women are dear to me and I am honored to have them stand up with me!
  • edited December 2011
    No, I'm getting married this August. And on your RSVP date. ^_^
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  • Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011

    Oh, OK, why I thought you were getting married next August 2011 I have no idea.

  • ncanducincanduci member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you for all the opinions and feed back ladies. I guess i'm a bit old fashion in my thinking. It is nice to know that i'm not the only one doing things all by myself. I always saw it differently in my mind. Like all the girls getting together every now and then making favors and havin a few glasses of wine. Doing place cards gabbin and shootin the breeze. But i guess not.
    Good luck with all of your weddings and best wishes. ; )
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