How do I handle this situation?

amandapolston15 · January 2010

My Fiance had two sisters One is about 4 years older than me, and one is two years younger. I love both of them, and sang in the older sister's wedding about a year go.

My problem- I am much closer to the younger sister. I have friends that I really want in my wedding party, but I would also like to include the younger sister. Is it horrible if I only include one sister in my wedding party?

Help!!

WildRumpus · January 2010

Do you think it would hurt the older sister's feelings?

ThePinkSuperhero · January 2010

Yes, that would be pretty horrible. Include both or neither. Friends will come and go, but she's going to be your SIL for life.

RachNRich · January 2010

It may hurt her feelings---it may not. Are you okay with the out come either way?

Also--I highly suggest getting a new user name that isn't your email address

sarahmk5 · January 2010

If it would end up alienating/hurting the older sisters feelings, it's not worth having only the younger sister as a BM. Why not have them both?

SarahPLiz · January 2010

I say have them both, AND your friend. Uneven sides are perfectly ok

ricksang · January 2010

I'd be careful about how many bridesmaids you ask/have in your wedding. It gets expensive and it can become a huge pain in the a$$. That being said, if you know the older sister's feelings won't be hurt, ask the younger one.

quotequeen · January 2010

We are having 2 of FI's 4 sisters in the wedding and I don't think anybody's upset about it. (We are having the two without kids because the ones with small kids will be busy enough dealing with them.) But 1 of 2 might be different. If you think it would upset the sister I wouldn't do it.

tidetravel · January 2010

Your FI could always have his sisters stand up on his side. Perfectly acceptable.

BecW2be · January 2010

Yeah, I'd go with both or neither. And I like the idea of them standing on FI's side.

Moneypenny424 · January 2010

I agree--both or neither. It is just an ongoing family issue waiting to happen if you "snub" the older sister.

JCS2011 · January 2010

I say you should ask both. One more person won't make too much of a difference. I understand being closer to one sister than the other-- that's how it is with me and my FI's sisters.

I chose to have both of them as bridesmaids for 2 reasons. 1) I did not want to make the one I'm not as close to feel bad. 2) We may not be very close now, but she'll always be FI's sister, so there's plenty of time for us to get closer.

opalsky007 · January 2010

I agree with PPs: both or neither. It is perfectly acceptable to have them be "groomswomen" as well.

P.S. You probably don't want to use your school email as your SN, especially when you go to a school as small as Butler. Hell, it's so small, you probably know my little sister.

beatlesgirl25 · January 2010

Ditto ricks on being careful about who you ask. As you can see from the four thousand posts on the board today about how/when to fire or kick out BMs, you can always ask but you can never un-ask. I would make darn sure that you're alright with whatever you decide on this issue before asking anyone, or even talking about it with either sister.

ggmae · January 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_handle-this-situation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:01057254-7989-42b8-90b1-b86f897fb9d8Post:17101a5e-1e0a-47da-9894-8cf400acafa9">Re: How do I handle this situation?</a>:
[QUOTE]Your FI could always have his sisters stand up on his side. Perfectly acceptable.
Posted by tidetravel[/QUOTE]

This! SIL stood on DH's side and my brothers stood on mine.

SarahSmile23 · January 2010

worst case scenario if you ask her? you have one more person than you envisioned.

worst case scenario if you don't ask her? you have a hurt, resentful SIL.

you have nothing to lose by asking her to be in the wedding. ask both!

brookelynpaisley · January 2010

Personally, I'd be hurt. I had a friend who did this: excluded one of her fiance's 4 siblings. The sister didn't come to the wedding she was so hurt. Would it really hurt to show a gesture of family and include them both? Bridal party sides can be uneven...

thesuninherhead · January 2010

I ditto the others- having them stand on his side would also be a good outcome, but you can't have one over the other without expecting hurt feelings.

dianenjnj · January 2010

yes, it is a definite faux pas that would be noticed and cause hurt feelings. one extra person in the bridal party doesn't make a difference.

sarabellam · January 2010

When my brother got married last time, my now SIL asked my sister to be a BM, but not me. Was I hurt? A bit, for about an hour. But then I put on my big girl panties and realized that my brother was much closer to my sister than he was to me, and my SIL knew my sister a lot better than she knew me. So, no lingering hurt feelings, everything worked out fine.

How do I handle this situation?

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