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Grrrr my mom is driving me BSC :(

tdwpg1984tdwpg1984 member
100 Comments
in Not Engaged Yet
So last weekend I went over to my parents and my mom was all like "Oh I went to the church where your dad and I got married. If you decide to get married you should totally do the processional like this! It would be so neat!" (side note: if I do get married in a church, it will probably be the one my parents got married in, my church is very small, and I wouldn't be able to get all of my family in there). Then last night when BF and I were over there for dinner, my mom was all "I had a dream the other night that you came over and had a ring on your finger and you were waving your hand around and then BF came over and the two of you were all 'so we have an announcement to make: we're engaged' "

I'm already trying NOT to think about this as it is, cuz I know it's not fair to BF but it's sooooo hard sometimes! It doesn't help when my mom keeps saying stuff like that. She's been doing it ever since BF and I said we were moving in together and I don't know what to say to herFrown Any suggestions? Also, any suggestions on how to stop being so BSC all the time?
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Re: Grrrr my mom is driving me BSC :(

  • KatyRoseMKatyRoseM member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    I would probably tell her that every time she makes a comment like that we postpone getting engaged another 6 months. 

    If you want to have a serious answer sit her down and talk to her about how it makes you feel and why its a problem. 
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  • swhite2012swhite2012
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I know it's hard, but just try to ignore her and change the subject. Or tell her everytime she mentions it it will just delay it even more!
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  • polkadot111polkadot111 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, if my parents had acted like that that would have been a major blessing. It's her way of saying that she supports you guys and really would love you two to get married. Think of it as a compliment and as a blessing, not a frustration.
    Used to be bourgehm. +1,500 posts. Silly knot
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  • jaycee7389jaycee7389
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I understand how it can be frustrating, but she is obviously very fond of your relationship with BF.
    I agree that she shouldn't be making comments infront of BF who may feel pressured, so maybe you can explain that to her.
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  • Elle1036Elle1036 member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-mom-driving-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7d00aaa4-7284-4635-8fbd-8485a5c752dePost:0e28539e-b771-4e0b-9094-041a30ffcddf">Re: Grrrr my mom is driving me BSC :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>Honestly, if my parents had acted like that that would have been a major blessing. It's her way of saying that she supports you guys and really would love you two to get married.</strong> Think of it as a compliment and as a blessing, not a frustration.
    Posted by polkadot111[/QUOTE]

    <div>What Hope said.</div><div>
    </div><div>I would have loved it if my mom had acted like this prior to my engagement.  Instead, I had this idea in my head that she was bitter toward marriage in general and would say all sorts of negative things when I got engaged.  Thankfully, that turned out to be false, but I'm still kinda jealous of you.</div><div>
    </div><div>Really, just ignore it.  Or play along.</div>
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  • tdwpg1984tdwpg1984 member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-mom-driving-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7d00aaa4-7284-4635-8fbd-8485a5c752dePost:40abf433-5ead-4a73-9cb5-0368bf632dc7">Re: Grrrr my mom is driving me BSC :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]I understand how it can be frustrating, but she is obviously very fond of your relationship with BF. I agree that she shouldn't be making comments infront of BF who may feel pressured, so maybe you can explain that to her.
    Posted by jaycee7389[/QUOTE]<div>That's kinda what I'm worried about. As much as I WANT BF to propose I DON'T want him to feel pressured into it, we even talked about that a few days ago. My parents do love my BF and would be thrilled if we announced our engagement but I'm just worried about how my BF feels about the stuff my parents say. Plus like I said, when she brings up stuff like this it makes me think about the engagement and the wedding and it's not really fair to BF...

    </div>
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  • kelseyterpkelseyterp
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Sounds like my BF's mom and grandmother! They're always making comments like that. My BF tends to get in a huff when they start talking like that. His grandmother even winked at me once and said "I don't know how many more weddings I can go to!" -- it can be very very frustrating.  I tend to just ignore those comments or say something like, "Well, I'm just focused on living my life right now" (I'm in school so they know what I mean by that).
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  • mymissingpuzzlepiecemymissingpuzzlepiece
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    I think you should definitely talk to her about this. Don't make her feel bad by putting her down and getting upset because she is just probably really happy and excited. But I would just tell her that it may affect your relationship with your BF if she says it in front of him. And tell her you can talk to her about it while he isn't around as much as she wants. 
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  • anythinggoldanythinggold member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-mom-driving-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:136Discussion:7d00aaa4-7284-4635-8fbd-8485a5c752dePost:42ad1823-dc0e-4b35-9d95-d022e7d8c8c7">Re: Grrrr my mom is driving me BSC :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think you should definitely talk to her about this. Don't make her feel bad by putting her down and getting upset because she is just probably really happy and excited. But I would just tell her that it may affect your relationship with your BF if she says it in front of him. And tell her you can talk to her about it while he isn't around as much as she wants. 
    Posted by mymissingpuzzlepiece[/QUOTE]
     <div>This exactly! I throw ideas back and forth with my mom sometimes. When we saw her once, she made plans to come down and look at venues with us. Luckily my BF thought it was a good idea, but holy early planning, Batman! It will mostly be brunch and wine tasting all day, though :-)</div>
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    My mom, personally, doesn't like my BF, we've been dating for 4 years and she's divorced and is the type of person that gives people one chance to prove themselves and never gives second chances, she's completely bitter towards marriage and thinks everyone is going to be divorced...I only WISH my mom was BSC excited about ANYTHING...

    sorry, didn't mean to be the debbie downer...

    What other people have said about talking her down and telling her not to mention it in front of BF is a great idea...she'll get the hint after a while...

    good luck! Smile

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  • wink0erinwink0erin member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011

    My mom pretty much told me if I end up having a bigger PPD kind of wedding that she won't come. That's not my style anyway but it still hurt!!
     
    She also imagines my future wedding for me and describes things in detail. I have a feeling once I end up engaged and start planning she will be difficult with me about those things (and question how much EVERYTHING costs and offer plenty of unwanted advice)

    All of that has helped me get rid of BSC thoughts, haha.

    I love my mom but boy she drives me crazy!

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  • bawidgetbawidget
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_not-engaged-yet_grrrr-mom-driving-bsc?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:136Discussion:7d00aaa4-7284-4635-8fbd-8485a5c752dePost:c88c6a31-8802-4944-935f-5c01ac379f16">Re: Grrrr my mom is driving me BSC :(</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>My mom, personally, doesn't like my BF, we've been dating for 4 years and she's divorced and is the type of person that gives people one chance to prove themselves and never gives second chances, she's completely bitter towards marriage and thinks everyone is going to be divorced...I only WISH my mom was BSC excited about ANYTHING</strong>...Posted by CLR+VCR[/QUOTE]


    Man do I hear you. My mom and BF are civil to each other but there is some real dislike there. My mom had a big wedding that ended in divorce. Her second wedding was in the living room to my dad when I was 1. Now that she is divorced and widowed she thinks weddings are a big waste of money and time. I don't think she'll be super excited if/when BF proposes. Does anyone have a mom that falls into that happy medium between BSC and Bitter?

    OP - Sit your mom down and tell her not to do that in front of your BF right now/not to pre plan on your behalf. You two are happy where you are right now. However, when/if he proposes you'd be happy to discuss your plans with her. BUT if she starts to dictate what YOUR wedding should be like put your foot down and/or bean dip her.
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