How much of a hosted bar? (XP)

wowand135 · July 2012

We plan on hosting beer and wine from 6-11 or so. The venue actually stays open (and some people are staying there) almost all night, but we are not going to host all night. First, is that ok? There's just no way we can afford to host more than 5 hours.

Second, the venue has a full bar and they are not going to move the bar so people will see that there is other liquor there but it will not be hosted. What to do? Have a chalkboard advising that beer and wine is hosted?

Finally, I really want to have a signature cocktail (they actually have a discount $5/drink if it's a sign. cocktail and you can have as many as you want.) However, I don't want to host them all night b/c it's expenseive and knowing our families they'll get wasted. Would it be ok to offer a signature cocktail on top of the beer and wine but only during the actual cocktail hour, then beer/wine after that? I'm pretty sure I already know the answer on this one is no but had to ask

jessicabessica · July 2012

Is your party ending at 11? I don't really understand what's going on. By some people are staying there, do you mean it's a hotel where guests are staying, or what?

I would have a sign at the bar listing what is hosted. I would host the same thing all night.

MyUserName1 · July 2012

Okay, so you are hosting the entire time your event is going on, right? Like there will be a point when your wedding is over and some people just decide to stay? As long as it is really clear that your wedding is OVER, then I think you're in the clear. (Especially if the two of you leave at 11.)

I would have a specific drink menus written up that list every beer and wine that is being hosted. That should make it very clear what is hosted. I would not point out what is NOT hosted.

I would skip the signature cocktail all together if you can't afford to host it all night.

wowand135 · July 2012

So the event is at a lodge, and they have rooms so about 60 people will actually be staying overnight. The "reception" will be over at 11, and I imagine a lot of people will leave around there. So after that it's more like an after-party. They have a basement gameroom and stuff so it really is more of a party at that point than a reception continuation. But I don't think that means we have to host all night; the bar stays open til 2! That would be super expensive.

abussen · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-much-of-a-hosted-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fbac507-302f-43e9-bdb9-53c05536f410Post:53902034-845f-4c9a-84cf-b0a43a038c02">How much of a hosted bar? (XP)</a>:
[QUOTE]We plan on hosting beer and wine from 6-11 or so. The venue actually stays open (and some people are staying there) almost all night, but we are not going to host all night. First, is that ok? There's just no way we can afford to host more than 5 hours. Second, the venue has a full bar and they are not going to move the bar so people will see that there is other liquor there but it will not be hosted. What to do? Have a chalkboard advising that beer and wine is hosted? Finally, I really want to have a signature cocktail (they actually have a discount $5/drink if it's a sign. cocktail and you can have as many as you want.) However, I don't want to host them all night b/c it's expenseive and knowing our families they'll get wasted. Would it be ok to offer a signature cocktail on top of the beer and wine but only during the actual cocktail hour, then beer/wine after that? I'm pretty sure I already know the answer on this one is no but had to ask :)
Posted by wowand135[/QUOTE]<div><p style="line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">This might not be something that everyone agrees with, but here is my idea: </span></p> <p style="line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;"> </span></p> <p style="line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">How about you have a signature cocktail already poured and served during the cocktail hour. One of my friend did this and it went over really well. Then once the reception starts it's beer and wine only and your sign idea sounds great. I think hosting from 6 - 11 is great. </span></p> <p style="line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;"> </span></p> <p style="line-height:10.5pt;" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:8.5pt;">Also.... I feel like your venue should work with you on moving the options at the bar that you are not providing to your guests. I would have a major problem with them if they didn't move those bottles. You are paying them for a service so they should be able to accommodate you. </span></p></div><div>

</div>

S6ix · July 2012

Maybe they could drape the bar so the liquors were not visible.

wowand135 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-much-of-a-hosted-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fbac507-302f-43e9-bdb9-53c05536f410Post:9b4178e6-f2fb-422e-99e6-67bcc7807a98">Re: How much of a hosted bar? (XP)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to How much of a hosted bar? (XP) : This might not be something that everyone agrees with, but here is my idea: How about you have a signature cocktail already poured and served during the cocktail hour. One of my friend did this and it went over really well. Then once the reception starts it's beer and wine only and your sign idea sounds great. I think hosting from 6 - 11 is great. Also.... I feel like your venue should work with you on moving the options at the bar that you are not providing to your guests. I would have a major problem with them if they didn't move those bottles. You are paying them for a service so they should be able to accommodate you.
Posted by abussen[/QUOTE]

I like that idea of pre-poured, especially because the cocktail hour will actually be outside in a patio, separate from where dinner/reception will be so it makes a little more sense, though I'm sure there might still be confusion when it's not offered after...

Meegles4 · July 2012

I agree with abussen that the venue shouldn't showcase what's NOT being hosted. A guest might choose to order a Jack and coke, and then the bartender would tell them it costs money and there'd be confusion. I'd just remove the option entirely by removing the non-hosted alcohol from view.

Then, sure, a sign alerting people what's available is fine. I'm actually OK with the signature cocktail for cocktail hour only. We had champagne only for the champagne toast, I really don't see the difference between something like that which was offered for a limited time, and a sig cocktail.

TheSlowskys · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-much-of-a-hosted-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fbac507-302f-43e9-bdb9-53c05536f410Post:53902034-845f-4c9a-84cf-b0a43a038c02">How much of a hosted bar? (XP)</a>:
[QUOTE]We plan on hosting beer and wine from 6-11 or so. The venue actually stays open (and some people are staying there) almost all night, but we are not going to host all night. First, is that ok? There's just no way we can afford to host more than 5 hours. Second, the venue has a full bar and they are not going to move the bar so people will see that there is other liquor there but it will not be hosted. What to do? Have a chalkboard advising that beer and wine is hosted? Finally, I really want to have a signature cocktail (they actually have a discount $5/drink if it's a sign. cocktail and you can have as many as you want.) However, I don't want to host them all night b/c it's expenseive and knowing our families they'll get wasted. Would it be ok to offer a signature cocktail on top of the beer and wine but only during the actual cocktail hour, then beer/wine after that? I'm pretty sure I already know the answer on this one is no but had to ask :)
Posted by wowand135[/QUOTE]

I would make a cute sign with your wedding colors to put on the bar that lists the available beer and wine. I wouldn't say anything about what is hosted and not hosted on it. The bartenders can let people know beer and wine is hosted.

I think it is fine to just host one signature drink as well. I dont see how there really is much of a difference between that one drink and the cost of beer and wine though, so I would suggest hosting it all night. If your families are going to get wasted they will do it with beer, wine, or liquor. I doubt having 1 mixed drink available would turn everyone rowdy. If you do only plan to do it for an hour, maybe to avoid confusion you could see if they could come around with the passed cocktails? I think that's a nice touch.

Edit: Just saw your clarification. If the reception ends at 11 and people are going to still be drinking there you do not have to host it.

jessicabessica · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-much-of-a-hosted-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fbac507-302f-43e9-bdb9-53c05536f410Post:963343fb-645c-4816-a52f-0553225b74fb">Re: How much of a hosted bar? (XP)</a>:
[QUOTE]So the event is at a lodge, and they have rooms so about 60 people will actually be staying overnight. The "reception" will be over at 11, and I imagine a lot of people will leave around there. So after that it's more like an after-party. They have a basement gameroom and stuff so it really is more of a party at that point than a reception continuation. But I don't think that means we have to host all night; the bar stays open til 2! That would be super expensive.
Posted by wowand135[/QUOTE]

If people want to go to the basement or bar after your party is over (i.e., some people leave, music is off, tables are cleared, etc.), then you don't need to worry about hosting.

We got married in an inn where many of our guests were staying. Our reception ended around 7 or 8, and our hosted bar closed and the venue staff started taking down the reception room, but guests were free to go to the inn's tavern or restaurant to eat/drink more, and there was no expectation we would host that. We were tired and went back to our room, but if we had gone to the tavern with them, I don't expect we would have paid, at least not for everything.

abussen · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-much-of-a-hosted-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fbac507-302f-43e9-bdb9-53c05536f410Post:688dcf8d-f442-4ad7-b2b0-fe01c39a547f">Re: How much of a hosted bar? (XP)</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How much of a hosted bar? (XP) : I like that idea of pre-poured, especially because the cocktail hour will actually be outside in a patio, separate from where dinner/reception will be so it makes a little more sense, though I'm sure there might still be confusion when it's not offered after...
Posted by wowand135[/QUOTE]

<div>My catering company also said that since so many people are waiting in line at the same time once the wedding is over at the cocktail hour at first, it helps to have pre-poured options to help the line not be so long. </div><div>
</div>

julibug86 · July 2012

Coming from a drinking family, I'm going to disagree with some of the PPs. I would leave the non-covered alcohol available for those that want to partake. I know many of our guests will want shots as well as hard drinks (this is the reason we can't afford a completely open bar!) and would be pissed if they weren't available. I'd rather come off as slightly rude by not hosting it, than have people complain to me all night about the lack of alcohol.

For us, our package includesone hour (cocktail hour) of a completely open bar, champagne toast (glass at each seat), and house wine being poured during dinner. I know some will say it's rude I'm not paying for more, but then they'll also say in the same breath that I should only have the type of wedding I can afford. It's just tough when we, as the bride and groom, don't drink as much as our friends and family, yet we still want them to have fun and be comfortable. (here are some examples: My brother drinks high end whiskeys...multiple glasses, my brother in law often kills a 30 rack of Bud Light, and I am 100% sure at least one person will be drinking before (maybe during?) the ceremony).

adamar15 · July 2012

If they complain to you because they can't get a shot then they're assholes.

Kate61487 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-much-of-a-hosted-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fbac507-302f-43e9-bdb9-53c05536f410Post:ea8a37dc-d9f5-439e-8725-74411216c5f9">Re: How much of a hosted bar? (XP)</a>:
[QUOTE]If they complain to you because they can't get a shot then they're assholes.
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

ditto this.

But also, I'd be pretty irritated if I ordered a vodka sprite during cocktail hour and it was free and then I went back up for a refill after dinner and was charged. I'd also probably be embarassed b/c after one free one I'd likely not bring my purse with me to the bar the second time. It also inconveniences everyone because the guests who are privy to the switch will probably be stocking up on drinks before the hour ends, meaning your bar line will be super long. And mixing alcohols can make people sick, so if they're aware that they're going to be limited to beer or wine for the later half of the evening it very well may affect what they choose to order during the cocktail hour. Just don't do this PP - host what you can afford and host it ALL night. If that's just beer and wine that's fine. If it's beer, wine, and house liquors only that's fine. Just be consistent

ETA - this was directed at Julibug, not OP. OP I think if the signature cocktail is passed and not available at the bar it makes it more obvious that it's a limited thing and that would be fine.

NicoleSahara · July 2012

I just went to a wedding where they had the signature cocktail available during cocktail hour and then beer and wine only after that. They made a certain amount of the drink and when it was out it was out. I didn't find that rude, I just switched to beer after the cocktail was gone. I agree with MUN1 that you could list on a chalkboard the available wines and beers that are hosted and not say anything about what's not hosted.

abbitha7 · July 2012

I would post a sign at the bar stating what is hosted, but allow people to buy something else if they'd like. Personally, I would prefer to be able to buy a round of shots than be told that I can't because it's not hosted.

julibug86 · July 2012

They may act like assholes, but they're still my family/friends. This is how they operate.

Kate, I see what you're saying about it being confusing or potentially embarrassing. The one hour open bar was included in the package (so is the champagne and the wine), so wasn't our idea. And we definitely can't afford to do it all night. It's what the venue always does, so I guess I just let them take the lead on this. But, I will be sure to spread the word about the one hour open bar. I'm open to tips, but ultimately, can't really change this since it's in the contract.

Kate61487 · July 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-much-of-a-hosted-bar?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:1fbac507-302f-43e9-bdb9-53c05536f410Post:10c6a977-1479-43f1-8772-5f10ff3f96af">Re: How much of a hosted bar? (XP)</a>:
[QUOTE]They may act like assholes, but they're still my family/friends. This is how they operate. Kate, I see what you're saying about it being confusing or potentially embarrassing. The one hour open bar was included in the package (so is the champagne and the wine), so wasn't our idea. And we definitely can't afford to do it all night. It's what the venue always does, so I guess I just let them take the lead on this. But, I will be sure to spread the word about the one hour open bar. <strong>I'm open to tips, but ultimately, can't really change this since it's in the contract.
</strong>Posted by julibug86[/QUOTE]

Perhaps you can negotiate with them that instead of one hour full open you do 2, 3, or 4 hours beer and wine only (whatever they feel is equivalent) and then see if you can fit the rest of the time into your budget? You could also see if you nix the champagne toast if they'd let you put the cost of that toward a beer/wine bar - I know champagne toasts are nice, but they can be such a waste since many people don't finish the glass; people can toast with whatever they have in their hand. It can't hurt to ask :-)

How much of a hosted bar? (XP)

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