Should I keep a mean bridesmaid?

Jettiee · October 2012

My bridesmaids are 3 of my good friends and my finances sister.

Yesterday my fianc and his sister got in a huge fight, and she said some very offensive things about my maid of honor/best friend apparently she's been talking bad about her for a year now, calling her ugly, making rude noises and comments in general. My MOH is the nicest girl and would never purposely upset anyone, but she's currently dating the troublesome bridesmaid's ex my MOH didn't know this when they got together. So she automatically hates her.

My fiance doesn't want to talk to her anymore, and the fact that she spoke badly about my best friend infuriates me. I can't think of having a good time at my bridal shower or anything when I know she's going to be sitting next to my MOH thinking bad things about her.

However, she hasn't been rude to me or my MOH to our faces, and if she's going to be my sisterinlaw I'm going to have to see her a lot. I'm not sure whether to kick her out, or to bring it up to her somehow.

The wedding planning is still in the early stages, they haven't bought their dresses yet.

itzMS · October 2012

Short of seeing the bridesmaids of weddings I've been in at the shower or bachelorette party, I normally do not see them before the wedding day. Or after, for that matter.

You asked your wedding party too early, but you can't kick her out.

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

If you kick her out you will be hearing about it from her and her family until death do you and your husband part.

I normally advise that this is your FI's problem to deal with. In your case, once you have calmed down, an ultimatum may be in order that either he deals with this (which it seems he does not want to) or you will. Do not be confrontational with her though. How close are you to your wedding?

GoodLuckBear14 · October 2012

in that case, just ignore it. With the talk of showers I thought it was comign up. There is no reason for anyone to see eachother at this point. How old is this girl anyway?

Peledreamsofrain · October 2012

Phew! Stay out of that mess. With the timeframe involved, there's a good chance things will settle out on their own with time. You have to live with whatever relationship you establish with your fsil, keep that in mind.

Jettiee · October 2012

I understand where you're all coming from, it's just hard to think straight when someone gets you upset! (A sign that I probably shouldn't do anything until I calm down!)

We wanted to have our wedding sooner, which is why I chose my bridesmaids fairly early, but had to push it back due to financial reasons. I'm just nervous I'll keep going through with it, have her buy a dress, and then she keeps making me mad, but I do really want a good relationship with my SIL as long as shes pleasant to be around.

My FSIL is 25, though I feel like she's being very immature about the whole situation.

Thank you all for your responses

Stina51286 · October 2012

I would leave it be. If she says something specificly to you about it kindly say, "I love you to death and I cannot help that my friend is dating whatshisface, however, it has nothing to do with you. I would really appreciate if you would not talk about my good friend like that. It is really hurtful to hear you talk about her that way." and then drop it.

I would also suggest not bringing it up to your friend that is being talked about, it could really hurt her feelings and cause issues down the road.

Jettiee · October 2012

Yea, I'm not going to ever tell my friend. She has no problem with my FSIL and I don't want to create one.

Sadly, I don't think I'll ever be able to think about my FSIL the same way again.

cwaggoner07 · October 2012

You definitely should not kick her out. It will cause so many more hurt feelings in the long run, and like it or not, she will be your family.

And like PP said, I think if everyone just steps back for a few months, it may calm down more than you think.

stantokm · October 2012

I was in a wedding once with a former roommate who I absolutely hated. This girl was absolutely horrible and even though I haven't lived with her for almost 8 years, I still get upset about the things that she did to me and to other people (I watched this girl viciously kick her dog once because the poor thing had the nerve to have an accident on the floor after she had the dog cooped up in the house alone for 14+ hours).

Anyway, the bride hadn't given up on her yet (that changed within a year), so we were both in the wedding. We spoke to each other as little as possible and were kind of grudgingly polite when we did have to talk, all out of love and respect for the bride. If FSIL cares about you at all, she will do the same. Since you have so much time, a lot of this will blow over by the time that you have a shower, bachelorette party, or the wedding. Wait a few months before you make any decisions.

Should I keep a mean bridesmaid?

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