2nd time bride, excitement

Erin McCormack · April 2010

I'm so excited about this wedding, the first one, I felt like I was just going through the motions. This time I feel like I should have 20 + years ago. I'm enjoying this time planning, I'm older, I know what I want, what's important etc. Inside I feel like a young bride does, but, everything I see in preparation is geared to the 20 year old bride. I guess it doesn't help when my teenage boy's think it's crazy that I'm on a wedding web site or that I picked up a Brides magazine. I feel somewhat out of place. There's not really alot out there for encore brides. Is anyone else going through the same thing? I'd love to here your thoughts.

LesPaul · April 2010

Welcome! Read the posts on this board - lots of good advice from us 'seasoned' brides. Be comfortable in planning the right wedding for you and your FI - wear what you want, have the ceremony and reception that you want. Incorporate or skip the traditional 'wedding stuff' as you see fit. Enjoy the planning phase - it can be fun.

pamila51510 · April 2010

I am totally excited! My Teenage daughters felt that way to!!!! They are on board now and are having fun with me!!!!

handfast4me · April 2010

The entire wedding INDUSTRY is geared for the young first timers. And that's what it is, an INDUSTRY. So, don't get too caught up in all of that--at least try not to.

I think the second time thing is a double edged sword--we know ourselves better, and know what we want, but perhaps we don't want to do the "fussy" things. Many of us have gotten to a point where we don't care what others think of us, so we don't care if someone INSISTS that we should have a candy buffet, we won't do it if we don't want to.

Further, some of us have a little bit more resources to spend if we choose to, so I think the wedding industry might be missing out on that part. But, like myself, maybe many more women have decided that we don't want to spend the average of $26,000 on average it's estimated a wedding and reception to cost. I'd rather spend that money on my vacation home!

right1thistime · April 2010

Erin - Welcome. Just a word of warning. If this is your real life true name, you may want to go back & start over with a less identifying screen name. The knot has legends of brides who had too much info in their bio, such that mean spirited idiots messed with their wedding plans, cancelling vendors, etc. Its still the internet. If it is already a screen name- just ignore me. ~Donna

2dBride · April 2010

One of the advantages of being an older/second time bride is that you are free to ignore anything that doesn't have meaning for you, and use what does. If you want to have a huge church wedding and wear a white dress, you can do that. If you want to have a private JOP ceremony wearing normal street clothes, that's ok, too.

Even for first-time brides, friends and family are never as excited about the wedding as the bride is. So, when it's time to obsess about the wedding, just come over here and talk to others equally obsessed. And you can explain to your kids that they can either listen to all the details themselves, or let you have your time with the boards.

My second wedding was my wife's first. We had an intimate ceremony in Massachusetts (about a dozen people). We had it in a synagogue using a ceremony we wrote ourselves and both wore big ivory dresses, veils, and opera gloves. We then took all the guests out to lunch in the private dining room of a nearby Legal Sea Foods. Three days later, we had a reception for 60 people back in DC. The reception venue was far from a traditional one; it was a club that was a converted warehouse. However, we decorated it ourselves, and had a video of the wedding, live music, dancing, and a DIY photobooth. Given that we had already lived together for nine years at that point, our friends were just thrilled that we had finally been able to get married.

kikibella1210 · April 2010

i was excited but now i am getting nervous! we live in NY and our wedding is in Las Vegas in July, My 15 yr old son is giving me away and my 18 yr old daughter is my maid of honor.

Erin McCormack · April 2010

I can completely understand, right now I'm just excited, but, I know myself, I'll be nervous when the time comes. Since your son is walking you down the isle, what song have you decided to dance to with him?

JennaHR · April 2010

I am considering this wedding my first, and I'm planning it exactly as FI and I want it. My ex and I were married "shotgun" style, when I was 17. It was the worst day of my life, even then. So that wedding and marriage were not pleasant experiences. I'm excited to have another chance at a wedding, this time with a man I truly love, who I have no doubt will be my partner forever.

Sue-n-Kevin · April 2010

Welcome Erin!

This IS my first wedding, but my fiance's 3rd. (He got married twice while in the Air Force because he was lonely, (bad idea)no big wedding hoopla, so for him it's his first real WEDDING,although he's had 2 marriages. I'm super excited because I'm a product of the 1950's & 1960's, when we ALL planned the big day, starting in our childhoods. So, as an older bride, I still feel 20 inside and am looking forward to creating a wedding that we can celebrate that day, share with long suffering (on my side) family & friends. My parents are in their 80's, and while I've given them two fabulous grandkids, I don't think they ever thought they'd see my wedding day. They are in good health, so I pray that continues so they can be there.

As others have said, make it your own. We "older" or "been there" brides know ourselves more, don't need a lot of advice on how to arrange stuff, most of the posts on this board are about family issues and how everyone is taking the news of another wedding.

Good luck and welcome.

SweetestofMuses · April 2010

It's just nice to have a group of women that understand right?

Be as froofy as you want or as simple as you want

Just like you would have before. Feel free to do it the way you and your FI want

kikibella1210 · April 2010

i hadn't given much thought to dancing with my son - he is giving me away.. i think i'll dance with my dad. what i like about a 2nd wedding is I feel like i don't have to follow all those 'wedding rules'. more real this way.

kimandjim74 · April 2010

When the idea of getting married again became a reality (after getting divorced, and subsequently 'scarred'), I have to admit, I never thought of the whole wedding aspect, and being a bride again. But now that is Is A REALITY, and I see how excited everyone around me is (especially my daughter), I have to say that I am getting caught up in the hype a bit. I have a lot more friends that were not in my life the last time (mostly mommy-friends), as well as new colleagues. I am a professor, so many of my students (20's) are very caught up in it as well (getting lots of congratulations at school!). I think the fact that so many people are genuinely happy for me makes it more exciting. Many of them (except my students) know how difficult my divorce was on me; they know what type of person my ex is, and they all love my fiance!

Marrin713 · April 2010

It's funny - I was just thinking about "wedding excitement." T and I have been dating for almost 7 years and have been living together for the last 3 years. We've been informally engaged/commited for the past 2 years and we finally made it official and picked a date in February. With the exception of my mom and a couple of relatives, nobody got really too het up about it. I didn't expect gushing or folks to throw engagement parties, but it seemed almost too low keyed. Then I realized - our friends have pretty much forgotten that we AREN'T married. In fact, my son uttered those exact words. We've been wearing commitment rings for 2 years now. and T often refers to me as his wife.

My coworker who recently got married, keeps wondering why I'm not all giggly and girly over wedding plans. #1 - I am 53 years old LOL and I guess #2 would be that we're already married on the most important level.

Anyone relate?

thealphabride · April 2010

Hi Erin, WELCOME to the board of encore brides. And many of us are way way older than 20. I know things are geared toward the younger, just decide what you want and what is important to you and leave the rest behind.

EVEN our teenaged sons are happy about the wedding and excited to be included, but that is about as far as it goes. I am having my 14 year old escort me down the isle, and the fiance will meet us half way. My son will then join him and his son
(17, and best man) on the men's side. My son is most excited aobut wearing a tux with a bow tie. My 2 sisters are my attendants.

I got married in the courthouse the first time around so I am going all out this time and having a beautiful ceremony with 125 guests, reception with cocktails, dinner and dancing, cake and sweets. I am wearing a gorgeous lace gown, carrying a bouquet, and wearing a birdcage veil too. All at the age of 53 and I couldn't be more excited. My family is very helpful and excited too.... save the one sister who does a lot of eye rolling at wedding talk. (that's ok, I still lover her to the max:)

Post here a lot, we have a lot of answers to second wedding quesions.

Erin McCormack · April 2010

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I guess age and wisdom give me enough confidence to look past the small stuff and just go with the flow and make it my own. I'm having such a good time especially with all the latest accesses available. Like with many other things, maturity puts everything into perspective. Since your 14 yo is walking you down the isle, will you be dancing with him at the reception? And if yes, have you picked out a song? All the mother songs are for the son (groom) not mom (bride). Again, thanks

thealphabride · April 2010

Since our fathers are deceased we are doing a mother son dance, me with my son, and the entire bridal party and our families with their sons. WE have a lot of boys in our family. I haven't chosen the song yet, but it will be on eof my sons favorite (of the day) it changes weekly, he's 14, enough said.
I
'm also recognizing my girlfriends of 20-30 years and we will have a dance too!
I have a lot of close close girlfriends that have seen me literally through think and thin in my life and I can't wait to surprise them with this dance. We have a song that is special to us that noone of us has listened to for a very long time.
"Whenever I call you Friend", Fleetewood Mac. It's an oldie, anyone remember it?

tammie11 · April 2010

I agree with so many of the brides on here. I think when you get married the 2nd time and you are older, you focus more on the LOVE than all of the other "stuff" that comes along with being a 1st time bride or a young bride. My 1st wedding we had over 200 people and I spent days trying to find the perfect wedding dress. This time, I just decided to go to David's bridal by myself and found the perfect dress for $99. We are getting married in our new home we just had built, so that is where our money is going, no more than 50 people, no bridemaids, just our kids. We have only known each other for 2 years, but it is like he just knows me & I think GOD put him here for me.

Congratuations and enjoy all the excitement!!!

2nd time bride, excitement

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