newbie with a question

hsaas99 · April 2010

Hi everyone. I've been reading the boards for a while, but I thought I'd better go ahead and introduce myself. My name is Holly, and while I'm not yet engaged, it won't be long before I am. My boyfriend and I know that we most likely still be in school when we get married and I was wondering- for all you brides that got married/will be getting married during school, how do you politely let people know that it's none of their business when I finish my degree? We're not even engaged yet and I am already getting snide comments about peoples' opinion on getting married in college.

Thanks for all your advice-I really appreciate it!

rmfrank · April 2010

I know exactly what you mean! When my Fiance and I got engaged and I called my mom to tell her she wasn't impressed and told me to finish school first... i was like PUH-LEEZE! I tell people that just because I'm getting married doesn't mean I'm not going to finish school, getting my degree is super important to me! So I'd just let people know that your priorities haven't changed, you've just added a couple more

hsaas99 · April 2010

That was an excellent way of putting things! Finishing school is important to me, but when engagement or marriage is on the table, it's like the first thing on their minds is that I'm going to drop out.

Narwhal · April 2010

Just tell them that you've weighed the possibilities and you're doing what you have figured out to be the best plan for you. If I hadn't promised my dad that I would wait, I would probably get married in school too.

Have you thought about how it will impact your financial aid? Are you both going to be full time students? Does your school offer on campus marriage housing? How old are you?

Just a curious canary.

whitneykaye87 · April 2010

People are so silly about some things like that. If I hear the question 'how are you doing with wedding planning and school at the same time?' one more freaking time... As if each of those are supposed to take up 100% of your time and attention.

Just remind them that you're conficdent it won't be an issue. I usually point out that I will probably focus even more on school after we get married because I'll be living with someone else to help hold me accountable (FI is super supportive and helps me study).

If that doesn't work, tell them to STFU.

hsaas99 · April 2010

Narwhal- I'm almost 19, mature for my age and held a job since my 15th birthday, added with the fact that the wedding is at least 2 years off I don't think it's as unreasonable as people make it sound. I'm a freshman in college right now, a two quarters ahead of my friends as far as school advancement goes. I'm currently going to a community college, and haven't decided on a larger university yet, though I want to pursue my Master's in Occupational Therapy. My boyfriend is my number one supporter on that front- he's always telling me I should do whatever it takes for me to be successful and happy. As of now, FAFSA would likely give me more money than I have the potential to recieve right now, and my family has always said they would help with the tuition for my masters if that's what I should choose to pursue.

sorry, my words got away with me.

hillary_marie88 · April 2010

I'm about to be a college senior, and I'm doing occupational therapy as well! It is mine and my soon to be fiance's plan to get married before I leave for graduate school, and everyone drops the stay in school comment to me as well. Clever comments make them get the point pretty well lol....I always tell people I wouldn't have spent this much time in school just to quit without the job I actually want, and they get the point then.

It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Having your number one support there all the time is amazing. Best of luck!

sdod · April 2010

I'm engaged and in college and have gotten TONS of criticism from friends and family. We got engaged when we were 19 too(we're 21 now, waiting on jobs/insurance to get married--stinkin economy).
Just be stubborn and tell people confidently what you're going to do. At the same time I'd say that it's unwise to be over confident to where it's disrespectful because then it'll just reinforce the idea in their heads that you're not ready/mature enough.
You are an adult. You make your decisions. You and your fiance-to-be are in charge. Not anyone else. Not that you should ignore advice, but it doesn't mean you follow everything people are saying.
We get alot of comments like "Well don't you think you should..." or "Did you think about..." or "I think you should...."
and now we just kinda thank them for the advice and/or say "yes we've thought about that. Thanks. We decided..." No more explanation needed. If they push it, push it right back with vague answers if you don't wanna get into it. The more info you give them, generally the more they'll push it cause they won't want to back down.
Hope this helps. Sorry it was so long!

NatandIsaac · April 2010

I started dating my FI when I was 16, and I was SO in love... I could not wait to get married. Eight years later, I am done with high school and college, and I am in my final year of law school, and we are just recently engaged. I suggest that if you don't want people questioning whether you have devoted yourself to wedding plans ahead of your education (and more importantly, you do not want to get sucked into devoting yourself to wedding plans over your education), then don't get married until after you have finished your education. You are not even engaged yet, but when that times comes, let me be the first person to tell you that there is nothing wrong with a longer than normal engagement.

FutureMrsKnapp2010 · April 2010

I understand exactly what you are talking about. I have been dealing with this for over a year now. We have had so many people tell us that we should wait and finish school, but at the end of the day its our decision. We want to get married now. We are almost finished with school, but we are are excited and happy that when we graduate we will be married and can start our lives.

I will say sometimes it is challenging juggling school and wedding planning, but we are so excited and can't wait to get married that its all worth it. We also just tell people are dreams and what we want out of life are not going to change just because we are getting married while in school. We both are going to finish and graduate and then get jobs and do everything exactly the same. We are not giving up anything or not finishing our education just because we are getting married. If anything it has motivated us to do well and exceed so that we can get good jobs and start a family.

Good luck with everything. Its what you two want, people are always going to be able to find a reason why you should wait, but if you don't want to and you guys feel its right, then go for it and those who love you and care about you will support you.

hsaas99 · April 2010

Thanks for all the input you guys!

CourtneyBC · April 2010

My friends have all been really supportive. I think most of them saw it coming earlier than I did. Just when I announced I was dating the man, everyone was like "Duh. Of course you are. I'm surprised it took you this long." And Drew told all his friends (and most all of my friends are his friends) he was proposing a few months before I knew. So they had the oppurtunity to get used to it for a while. And then, in my family people just have a tendency to marry young. I'm the 12th of 20 cousins, and all my cousins except one were married by age 22. My mom and dad married at ages 18 and 19, respectively. All my aunts and uncles were married by age 20. And there is not one divorce in my family. So, no one thought it was weird for us to get married now. On my FH's side, well, he has no extended family members, and his mother was 16 when she married his dad. Plus, his mother told his father before we even started dating that we would get married before we finished college. So, everyone either saw it coming or didn't think it was abnormal. I have had a professor warn me against marrying so young, though.

SarahLMBT · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_students_newbie-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:684Discussion:d0f609bb-83ad-4b14-a044-53c11ad0426cPost:bed768dd-a956-4959-8e49-b3273027074d">Re: newbie with a question</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm about to be a college senior, and I'm doing occupational therapy as well! It is mine and my soon to be fiance's plan to get married before I leave for graduate school, and everyone drops the stay in school comment to me as well. Clever comments make them get the point pretty well lol....I always tell people I wouldn't have spent this much time in school just to quit without the job I actually want, and they get the point then. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Having your number one support there all the time is amazing. Best of luck!
Posted by hillary_marie88[/QUOTE]

<strong>Hi there! I just saw that you are in Tenn and are going for Occupational Therapy (OT). Where are you going for OT? I am just curious - I am at a community college right now in pre-ot and looking at different schools myself. </strong>

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