M.I.A parent

eandiwedding · November 2010

My fiance's dad is not really in the picture but he is just enough to be invited to the wedding. We don't know if he'll even come but we ordered a boutonniere for him for the wedding day. Does he deserve the recognition?

opalsky007 · November 2010

I think it's a nice gesture, no matter what the backstory is.

Snippylynn · November 2010

*eyeroll*

Y I Oughta · November 2010

Depends on what your FI wants. If he doesn't think so, leave it at his being a guest. It's really up to him to decide who to give recognition to in his family.

[Deleted User] · November 2010

This completely depends on the relationship your FI has with his dad and whether or not he wants to recognize him in that way. Do not get involved; make your FI make that decision. He is the only one that can. If he is unsure, you can always order it and FI can make the decision that day whether or not to give it to him.

laurenclaire1386 · November 2010

Meh, why not? It's just a flower. FI's dad is pretty much the same way. They've been in the same room together exactly twice in FI's 27 years. I didn't order him a bout, but it wasn't about recognition or as some way to slight FI's dad for being an absent father. I only got bouts for people who are participating in the ceremony.

baystateapple · November 2010

My FIL and my H haven't talked in years. FIL is pretty much estranged from the family. He's spoken to me maybe 7 times since we started dating. He still got his name in the program, escorted my MIL down the aisle, got a boutenniere, etc. He also decided to deliberately show up to the wedding at the last minute and give everyone a heart attack, just to be a jerk.

I regret nothing. Why? Because my MIL wanted me to do these things, and I love her. And besides the immediate family, nobody knew that FIL and his family were estranged. Excluding him would have provoked questions that were completely unnecessary, and would have made things awkward. Including him hurt absolutely nobody (besides those few minutes of panic right before the ceremony).

I say include him. It hurts nothing. Excluding him could hurt a lot.

Mrs.B6302007 · November 2010

A flower for his part in fathering the man you LOVE and you're going to marry is hardly asking too much. And by fathering I mean even just the fact that he IS his father regardless of their relationship.

Mrs.B6302007 · November 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mia-parent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c4265a23-3db3-4eb3-b539-724e6f8233dfPost:5f7a6a1e-d831-47d4-932f-525cec1bd959">M.I.A parent</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance's dad is not really in the picture but he is just enough to be invited to the wedding. We don't know if he'll even come but we ordered a boutonniere for him for the wedding day. Does he deserve the recognition?
Posted by eandiwedding[/QUOTE]

Beachy730 · November 2010

My FIL is the same way. In fact I didn't even meet the man until the night before our wedding when he got into town. He's not a bad man at all, meaning he didn't abuse the kids or anything, just got divorced, moved, and started a new life and didn't care much about the old one.

We put his name in the program as FOG, we gabe him a bout, and he was introduced into the reception with MIL. I don't regret it at all. And to be honest it will make you and your FI look like the bigger douches if you snub him with no flower and no recognition when all the other parents are getting it, and it will actually draw more attention to the situation.

ehathewa · November 2010

It's a $10 gesture (if he actually comes). Why not do it?

My FI's dad is the same way. We invited him, he RSVP'ed yes, made him a bout... and then he didn't show.

The wedding was a month ago and he called yesterday to appologize. Our expectations were pretty low to begin with, but I couldn't believe he missed the wedding.

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