Jewish Weddings

Please help to understand

I need some help.
I am not Jewish, but my fiance is. We will be having a non-traditional destination wedding. My fiance still wants a Rabi and chuppah. I have no problem with that, but I need some help in other aspects of the Jewish wedding. I read online that a bride needs to have her face covered with the veil. I originally did not want to use a veil since we are doing a non-traditional destination wedding and I just wanted to use a nice flower or something , but now re-thinking this idea. Is having a veil over brides face really important in Jewish tradition? What else do I need to know that is really important that we both do?

Thanks in advance :)
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Re: Please help to understand

  • I am not using a veil either. There are certain customs, like the veiling, that are more prevalent in Orthodox or very Conservative communities, but are more readily altered by Reform or egalitarian communities. I really recommend Anita Diamant's book A New Jewish Wedding. It has so much information, both on very traditional weddings and on interfaith weddings. It is an invaluable resource!
  • If your fiance is marrying a non-Jew, and is OK with a non-traditional ceremony, what is "important" to his Jewish wedding is not what some rabbi, sometime, somewhere, said is important, but what is important to him.

    For example, a chuppah and glass-breaking were important to me. A ketubah was important to my future in-laws. I'd have liked to do the veiling, but it wasn't a good fit for our ceremony (or ceremonies, it's complicated), and no one else involved was interested.

    Have your fiance read a book of Jewish wedding customs, or look at a thorough website (I like chabad.org) and tell you what he recognizes and would like to have, what he recognizes and is important to him, and what he's actually never heard of and would rather do without. And go from there.
  • You could also ask the rabbi that is marrying you about which customs s/he thinks you should incorporate. And talk to your fiance about what he would like (you mentioned rabbi and chuppah, so maybe that's all he is thinking of doing) and go from there.
  • I second Anita Diamant's book (A New Jewish Wedding)--it has a section about intermarriages--and also talking to your rabbi.  S/he may explain some of the traditions in a way that will make you and your FI interested in incorporating them, and s/he may also have particular requirements if s/he is going to perform the ceremony.
  • I only wore a veil  down the aisle and then we lifted it back.

    I would worry about finding a rabbi for the destination wedding first and then worry about what traditions to incorporate second. Assuming you are doing a beachy destination wedding, a reform rabbi (the only movement that would perform an intermarriage) may be hard to find. Unless you are planning on flying out your FIs rabbi.
    Anniversary image
  • my fiance is also Jewish and I'm not-  I'm not covering my face for the whole wedding either, I'm having my mom uncover me after she walks me down the aisle.  I think if you're already having a destination wedding there are certain things you can for go.  I'm also not circling him.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_please-help-to-understand?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:08ebdd01-1325-472c-8be4-8acaaea0f22dPost:4b9af12d-269d-4e2f-946f-2efabd33fe3c">Please help to understand</a>:
    [QUOTE]I need some help. I am not Jewish, but my fiance is. We will be having a non-traditional destination wedding. My fiance still wants a Rabi and chuppah. I have no problem with that, but I need some help in other aspects of the Jewish wedding. I read online that a bride needs to have her face covered with the veil. I originally did not want to use a veil since we are doing a non-traditional destination wedding and I just wanted to use a nice flower or something , but now re-thinking this idea. Is having a veil over brides face really important in Jewish tradition? What else do I need to know that is really important that we both do? Thanks in advance :)
    Posted by mandm111[/QUOTE]
    A lot of traditions have a lot of symbolism - and they are a couple of explantions for some of them. I would suggest reading about the different traditions before undertaking them for your wedding - after reading about them you may or may not want to do them.

    If it's important to your FH to have a Rabbi and Chupah, as long as you can find a Rabbi to do it, and you're okay, then do what makes you happy.

    The chupah represents a the home you two will share together.

    The veil, traditionally, the groom lifts the veil over the bride, checking to make sure it is the one he is supposed to marry before they married.

    If you want to wear a veil just for the ceremony, that's fine. But, if you don't want to wear one, you don't have to.
  • I was initially not thrilled about the veil, but after reading up I've come to feel alright about it--most modern brides who preserve the tradition don't actually wear a veil you can't see through. In a way it is supposed to invoke the story of Jacob and Rachel, so you can understand as above, where the groom is checking to make sure he has the right bride (i.e., not Leah). BUT, there is another explanation--that the moment of the marriage, and of entering the chuppah, is such an important moment that the bride should not have to focus on anything around her--how people are looking at her, what the decorations look like, all the details that can obsess us along the way. So the veil is in a way designed to separate the preparation period--designated by all the craziness and organization--from the moment when there is nothing that you have to think about except being with your beloved forever.

    Which is all to say, I've decided to go with it Tongue Out
  • Check out theweddingyentas.com
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