Do a wedding registry?

cahlers12 · May 2012

Hi all. I'm getting married, and I'm debating on a registry. We recently had a baby, and we did a baby shower registry, and that was a disaster. We put reasonable stuff that we needed and a lot of people had fits, my fiancee sister had a major tantrum and blasted us all over facebook, and people disregarded the registry itself, and things had to be returned due to already having it, and other things just sit in our closet not being used. My question is, if I do a wedding registry I will go the same way, reasonable, afforadble things we can use. I just don't want the drama that happened with the baby registry, and If we do this, how can we try and prevent drama from happening. I'm really up against the fence on this. also a note, when I did the baby shower registry, it was right after I found out I was Pregnant, and people had more than enough time to get the items, and I'm getting married in 1.5 years so they will again have enough time. Any advice will help. thanks!!

Avion22 · May 2012

I think I'd have to know a little bit more information. Why did your FSIL get upset about your baby registry? What specifically did she object to? Does your family (or his) just not like registries in general (they'd rather pick out their own gift)? I admit that I generally don't spend more than about $25-$30 on a baby gift, and I like to buy a combination of registry and non-registry items (so I'll buy some practical stuff from the registry, and maybe a cute outfit that I pick out), but I don't usually buy big-ticket items off of baby registries. The only exception was for my sister, because, well....she's my sister.

1.5 years before a wedding is WAY to early to start thinking about a registry. Don't think of it as "giving people time pick out a gift." Many people spend VERY little time selecting a gift, and don't need a year and a half to think it over. To other people, starting a registry that early might seem like you are obsessed with all of the beautiful gifts you can get people to give you.

If anyone offers to host you a shower, then you should consider having a registry in place by the time the hostess sends the shower invitations. People might not buy anything fron the registry until DAYS before the shower. If there's not going to be a shower, then I would have the registry in place by about 6 weeks before the wedding. Keep in mind that stores change styles all the time, so if you register more than about 3-4 months before the wedding some items might be discontinued or unavailable by your wedding (linens get discontinued all the time).

cahlers12 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_do-a-wedding-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ece9b584-9553-4f93-814f-ee09a60edb6dPost:aab13641-5c6d-42cd-bace-f59acb2dabfd">Re: Do a wedding registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think I'd have to know a little bit more information. Why did your FSIL get upset about your baby registry? What specifically did she object to? Does your family (or his) just not like registries in general (they'd rather pick out their own gift)? I admit that I generally don't spend more than about $25-$30 on a baby gift, and I like to buy a combination of registry and non-registry items (so I'll buy some practical stuff from the registry, and maybe a cute outfit that I pick out), but I don't usually buy big-ticket items off of baby registries. The only exception was for my sister, because, well....she's my sister. 1.5 years before a wedding is WAY to early to start thinking about a registry. Don't think of it as "giving people time pick out a gift." Many people spend VERY little time selecting a gift, and don't need a year and a half to think it over. To other people, starting a registry that early might seem like you are obsessed with all of the beautiful gifts you can get people to give you. If anyone offers to host you a shower, then you should consider having a registry in place by the time the hostess sends the shower invitations. People might not buy anything fron the registry until DAYS before the shower. If there's not going to be a shower, then I would have the registry in place by about 6 weeks before the wedding. Keep in mind that stores change styles all the time, so if you register more than about 3-4 months before the wedding some items might be discontinued or unavailable by your wedding (linens get discontinued all the time).
Posted by Avion22[/QUOTE]

what happened was we said we didn't need or want any blankets or clothes, since we recieved a ton of them, and already bought some ourselves. She knew this and yet gave us a blanket, and when we said again just before the baby shower none of these items, please stay with the registry, she got angry because she got us a blanket. She got the blanket just before the baby shower, and when we said this, she threw a tantrum on facebook blasting us out, saying we can't dictate people, and were jerks so forth...she ended up not coming to our baby shower because I would be there. I said we will take it and she said no, she threw it in the trash. I was wondering since we booked a place and were starting to pay for everything, should I even bother with a registry.

LeiselEB · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_do-a-wedding-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ece9b584-9553-4f93-814f-ee09a60edb6dPost:93911e9a-8ee9-4e5d-93f6-914146fbeb93">Re: Do a wedding registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Do a wedding registry? : what happened was we said we didn't need or want any blankets or clothes, since we recieved a ton of them, and already bought some ourselves. She knew this and yet gave us a blanket, and when we said again just before the baby shower none of these items, please stay with the registry, she got angry because she got us a blanket. She got the blanket just before the baby shower, and when we said this, she threw a tantrum on facebook blasting us out, saying we can't dictate people, and were jerks so forth...she ended up not coming to our baby shower because I would be there. I said we will take it and she said no, she threw it in the trash. I was wondering since we booked a place and were starting to pay for everything, should I even bother with a registry.
Posted by cahlers12[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Well she obviously wanted to give you a blanket. I understand that you made the registry hoping that people would purchase gifts from it, but some people do like to get something more "personal" than say a bottle drying rack. She didn't need to throw a fit about it, but you should have just let her buy the gift she wanted to buy. You can always return things you don't need/want. </div><div>
</div><div>If you don't want to receive gifts you haven't registered for, you're probably out of luck. We registered for basically everything possible because we're just starting out, and yet we have gotten plenty of non registry gifts. It's not that big of a deal, because if needed I can return something and get what I originally wanted. So you can register, and get some things you register for and some you didn't, or don't register and get only things you didn't register for.

</div>

MrsKigerToBe · May 2012

I would register when the time comes if thats what you want to do. You really shouldn't be dictating to your guests what to get you, so don't tell them you don't want any towels or something like that. Hopefully people will avoid those types of gifts if there aren't any on your registry.

As for myself I always buy off registry and I can't imagine spending less than $75.00 on a baby shower gift so I wouldn't side eye more expensive items on a registry.

mbrischoux · May 2012

You're 1.5 years out. It's too early anyway, and the wounds are still open from the baby shower debacle. Wait about a year so that more water can pass under the bridge and then register.

Besides, between now and then, items may be discontinued, and then you'll have to start looking at items all over again. What a pain!!

meganb1977 · May 2012

Pp's had some good thoughts that you are still a ways out from needing to register. As much as you want people to stick to the registry, people who don't want to buy off of it, will not. I would still create a registry if you want to but especially if it is not somthing that people in your fiance's family/circle are respectful of, don't make a big deal out of it. People will buy what they want and hopefully some of the items you will get that you don't want will be easily returnable or re-giftable.

librababy · May 2012

I would but wait until closer to the wedding. I don't think you should be telling people what to get you. Just put items on the registry you need or would love to have. Not everyone will use the registry so be prepared for that. I am not expecting much from my regisrty in form of gifts but I did it because my bm said I should just to give people ideas.

Fmil went to a baby shower where the girl actually told her guests not to buy her any clothes. Supposedly she already had a ton of clothes but her registry I heard was ridiculously expensive. Guess what, fmil said almost everyone got her clothes.

blakgarnet · May 2012

I have to disagree with most of the responders on the time frame for setting up a registry. My engagement will last over 1.5 years, but the minute my extended family found out we got engaged, they immediately asked where I was going to register and when I was going to set it up. We didn't have an engagement party or anything, but my aunts/uncles/cousins wanted to get us engagement gifts (and some of my mother's friends did as well) and wanted to make sure they got us stuff we wanted. I started a Macy's registry 2-3 months after getting engaged (especially because the closest Macy's is over 2 hours away and I wanted my FI to be involved and he is very limited for traveling away from the farm) and have recieved some engagement gifts off of that. I have also set up 2 more registries more recently. I understood that some items would be discontinued, but I check it regularly and replace things if they are indicated to be discontinued.

Ali092011 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_do-a-wedding-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ece9b584-9553-4f93-814f-ee09a60edb6dPost:2913adda-d5de-4327-a043-bdb5a11ead88">Re: Do a wedding registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have to disagree with most of the responders on the time frame for setting up a registry. My engagement will last over 1.5 years, but the minute my extended family found out we got engaged, they immediately asked where I was going to register and when I was going to set it up. We didn't have an engagement party or anything, but my aunts/uncles/cousins wanted to get us engagement gifts (and some of my mother's friends did as well) and wanted to make sure they got us stuff we wanted. I started a Macy's registry 2-3 months after getting engaged (especially because the closest Macy's is over 2 hours away and I wanted my FI to be involved and he is very limited for traveling away from the farm) and have recieved some engagement gifts off of that. I have also set up 2 more registries more recently. I understood that some items would be discontinued, but I check it regularly and replace things if they are indicated to be discontinued.
Posted by blakgarnet[/QUOTE]

I just think in general it makes more sense to register closer to the wedding or shower, but if your family is huge on gift giving and engagement gifts, it makes sense to do what you did, IMO. However, most people get gifts for their shower and wedding only. I personally wouldn't want the extra burden of constantly checking to see if things were still available, so we registered around the seven-month mark. We have only had one item discontinued so far.

cahlers12 · May 2012

I just wanted to make it clear to all, I'm debating to do a registry, not planning on doing it anytime soon, and I'm not dictating people to buy off the registry, just that if we say please don't buy this cause we have it or don't need it, please respect that wish. I always make the registry reasonable, and not all out expensive. As I did with the baby shower.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_do-a-wedding-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ece9b584-9553-4f93-814f-ee09a60edb6dPost:11af57dc-6393-4e4e-b910-77fdf44668e4">Do a wedding registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi all. I'm getting married, and I'm debating on a registry. We recently had a baby, and we did a baby shower registry, and that was a disaster. We put reasonable stuff that we needed and a lot of people had fits, my fiancee sister had a major tantrum and blasted us all over facebook, and people disregarded the registry itself, and things had to be returned due to already having it, and other things just sit in our closet not being used. My question is, if I do a wedding registry I will go the same way, reasonable, afforadble things we can use. I just don't want the drama that happened with the baby registry, and If we do this, how can we try and prevent drama from happening. I'm really up against the fence on this. also a note, when I did the baby shower registry, it was right after I found out I was Pregnant, and people had more than enough time to get the items, and I'm getting married in 1.5 years so they will again have enough time. Any advice will help. thanks!!
Posted by cahlers12[/QUOTE]

Gabrielle76 · May 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_do-a-wedding-registry?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:ece9b584-9553-4f93-814f-ee09a60edb6dPost:005fb8c6-6f80-40cf-9878-e4251194e72d">Re: Do a wedding registry?</a>:
[QUOTE]I just wanted to make it clear to all, I'm debating to do a registry, not planning on doing it anytime soon, and I'm not dictating people to buy off the registry,<strong> just that if we say please don't buy this cause we have it or don't need it, please respect that wish.</strong> I always make the registry reasonable, and not all out expensive. As I did with the baby shower. In Response to Do a wedding registry? :
Posted by cahlers12[/QUOTE]
Some people have specific gifts that they like to give, and don't like being told not to. Even if you tell someone "we have a lot of towls, I hope we don't get any more", and then a month later they give you a towl set, the <em>only</em> appropriate response is to accept it graciously and write a thank you note.

saturninus · May 2012

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