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that is so not helpful...

lmwilberlmwilber member
100 Comments
in Not Engaged Yet
I hung out with BF's mom yesterday. We had a blast, we went to Parade the Circle which is an awesome artsy parade and fair in CLE's museum district. It was fun, but...
She brought up several ideas that she thought would be cool for when BF and I get married. She said she has even thought about what our wedding would be like. And that she is bringing a case of our favorite champagne on vacation, to celebrate her daugter and SIL's anniversary, and anything else that might need toasting to. She even mentioned that the family church might reopen (long story) and would it be wonderful for BF and I if it did (We are not church goers, but BF has said that if we had a church wedding, it would be there). In the past year she has mention that she wants to buy my dress when we get married, and that she thinks that the either side of the family could pay for a wedding, so the couple doesn't have to go into debt. 
Let me be clear, if they want to pay I will gladly accept her ideas, I am honored that she would want to buy my dress and the fact that she seems excited to have me as a DIL one day thrills me. But come on lady, we are not engaged, and I am a reformed BSC pre planner. I tried to tell her that I've been trying to put the whole us getting married thing out of my head. But she just smiled and said 'well, for now, anyway' WTF? so now I'm wondering, does she know something I don't? What do you ladies think?
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Re: that is so not helpful...

  • Sparrow87Sparrow87
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    It kind of sounds like she misses the fun part of planning a wedding to me...  Sorry Wilber! 
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  • becunning2becunning2 member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    That would make me batty. For me, my boyfriend's mom is a terrible secret keeper, so she'd be the last to know, I think.

    I wouldn't get too excited; she's been talking about wedding stuff for you for the past year, so this doesn't seem too out of characteristic based off your description.  Just try to chalk it up to having a woman who is excited to have you in the family. (There are much worse fates, even if it drives you bonkers now).
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  • SopChickSopChick member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    As PPs said, it's probably just that she's missing some of the planning from her DD's wedding. It must be nice for you to know she's looking forward to you being officially part of the family one day! Some people are not that lucky, so it's great that you get along so well. :)
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  • Beads921Beads921 member
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    edited December 2011
    I think she's probably just trying to make conversation, and also daydreaming about getting to help plan another wedding. It's great that she's excited to welcome you into the family, whenever that may be though!
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  • lmwilberlmwilber member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Thanks ladies. FWIW I really do think that it is just wedding withdrawal on her part too. I told one of my RL friends the story last night, and she thought maybe something was up (esp the 'any else to toast to' part.)  So I thought I would ask you ladies...

    As for everything else, I feel very very lucky that BF's family and I get along, and that his mom will be super excited for us when it does happen. It was all I could do to not press her for more of her ideas. The ones she had I really liked, and if she and BF's dad do offer help us pay one day, at least I know I'll be cool with what she wants :) 
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  • calindicalindi member
    5000 Comments Second Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I gotta admit, I'm this person with my brother's girlfriend.  My Mom and I spent half the day when we were dress shopping dreaming about what dress Stephanie would wear when (not if) she marries my brother.  We're terribly BSC on their behalf!  We would totally imagine possible situations for him to propose (like a family vacation) but chances are he won't tell any of us when the time comes.

    And we don't have any 'inside information'.  If anything, we know it's not coming soon.  My brother's 23, and he said he wants to be at least 27 when he gets engaged.  Fine, cool, whatever.  His girlfriend seems to be on board for whatever - she just loves him to pieces and is cool with hanging on for the ride and not pushing him.  My Mom and I will be the ones pushing him in a few years!!!

    So that is to say that she is probably dreaming and sharing.  Don't let it get in your head.  It's great that she is excited for you to join the family and to help you plan the wedding, but just remind yourself that it hasn't happened yet. 

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  • lmwilberlmwilber member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Cate- I'm glad that other people's families do this too! From the 'outsiders' POV its nice to know that the family of the man you love can wait to officially welcome you. BF's moms excitement actually helps me feel calmer about the whole thing, lI cant really explain why, though...
    She did say that if the church reopens, she would love it if BF and I were the first couple to marry there, as his sis's wedding was the last before the closure, and that maybe she should 'mention' that to her son...( FTR-I told her that BF will do what he want when he's ready, and whenever that is is fine by me.)

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