TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!

amaphis · February 2013

Who would've guessed that just about everyone we sent an invite to for my daughter's wedding reception would RSVP?!?!? We are well over the allowed number of guests for the venue we're using. Like over 75ppl! Although we didn't state on the invites it was an adult only reception it was implied by stating the invites were to Mr & Mrs. Taking children off the list eliminates 40 ppl. bringing us back down to a reasonable range. What do we do and what's the proper way to do it? We can not afford to lose our deposit for a bigger venue, more food, etc.

aurianna · February 2013

If your invites only listed the parents' names, yet people RSVPd with their children, you can call up whoever added their children, apologize for the misunderstanding and tell them the invite was just for them.

MrsMack10612 · February 2013

You call those who RSVP'd for more than was on the invitation and tell them, you're sorry but you cannot accomodate the extra guests, invitation was for Mr. & Mrs. only.

If they push back, tell them that it is a venue capacity issue due to fire codes (the truth); if they continue to push and say they won't be able to come, respond with a polite, I'm sorry, you'll be missed.

End of story.

aRachel21 · February 2013

Go back in time and reserve a bigger venue, or invite less people?

There's really no way around this. The only thing you can do is let people know that their kids weren't invited. If their kids can't come, then maybe the adults won't come... this will hopefully lower the number of people attending.

misshart00 · February 2013

In Response to Re:TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!: [QUOTE]Who would've guessed that just about everyone we sent an invite to for my daughter's wedding reception would RSVP?!?!? We are well over the allowed number of guests for the venue we're using. Like over 75ppl! Although we didn't state on the invites it was an adult only reception it was implied by stating the invites were to Mr amp; Mrs. Taking children off the list eliminates 40 ppl. bringing us back down to a reasonable range. What do we do and what's the proper way to do it? We can not afford to lose our deposit for a bigger venue,nbsp; more food, etc. Posted by amaphis[/QUOTE]

This is why you really shouldn't over invite, especially by that much.

Call the parents and explain that only the adults were invited, then find a bigger venue. That's your only option. You cannot uninvited people.

Eta: or talk to the venue and see if they have a larger space.

girl4182 · February 2013

If the invitations were infact addressed to Mr and Mrs and did not include additional names that you'll have to tactful contact those who RSVP with kids and explain that the invite was inteded for them and not their kids. This needs to be a uniform policy though. If you allow some kids you have to allow them all (with an exception of child attendants)

Chances are there will be a few who wont come at all if their kids can't and that'll loosen up your numbers a bit. Probably should have taken this into consideration when booking your venue and sending out your invites though :S

daveANDkristen · February 2013

I realize the ship has sailed, but you really shouldn't have invited more people that you were prepared to host. Why would you invite someone, hoping that they will decline?

Anyway, if the invitations were addressed to "Mr. and Mrs." only, you can call up anyone who wrote in their children on the RSVP and tell them that unfortunately you were only able to extend this invitation to the couple and not their kids. If they say they cannot attend without the kids, tell them they will be missed. But besides addressing the uninvited "write-ins" there is nothing you can do about being over your limit. You will have to find a way to host everyone who accepted your invitation.

libby2483 · February 2013

Like PPs have said, if guests sent back and RSVP with people who were not invited, like children, call them and explain that the children cannot be accommodated. However, you will still be 35 people over your maximum capacity. I'm not really sure what to tell you on that one.

lyndausvi · February 2013

You always plan for 100% acceptance.

Start calling people that their kids were not invited. Although that still makes you 35 over.

misshart00 · February 2013

Also, have you received every single RSVP back? Before you talk to the venue or find another one, make sure this problem won't get worse. If you have 20 or 30 that haven't responded yet, you may have a bigger issue than being 35 over.

[Deleted User] · February 2013

Call your venue IMMEDIATELY and see if they have a larger room to accomodate more guests or if there is any other way they can accomodate further guests.

If they can't do anything, start looking for good deals on other places, also immediately. You invited these people. You are now stuck with them. If you ever plan a wedding again, plan on 100% attendence and budget for that.

You are, however, completely within your rights to call parents and tell them their children are not invited. Personally, I would site budget issues rather than space, because, if you do end up at a larger room/venue, some parents might be PO'ed that you actually did have plenty of room. Hopefully some parents will then decline completely but, frankly, I don't think you're going to get 35 people to back out by doing that, so you're still going to need to figure out a way to accomodate more guests.

Maggie0829 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_too-many-rsvps-to-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7176a3e7-9786-42dc-9e66-4c256ddeeb3fPost:4e0c9586-99f1-4a17-a6b6-ba674b11ef97">Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!! : Not true. Kids are like adults, you can invite some and not others, although inviting one sibling but not another, or <strong>all neices except the one with the chronically runny nose and drooly mouth</strong> typically doesn't go over well.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

This made me chuckle.

allychase · February 2013

Who does this?

MsYeck · February 2013

If you are not at the venues capacity but are at the budget capacity perhaps the venue will let you select a cheaper food option, switch out china for plastic, linens for plastic, minimize lcohol selections, shorten the reception, ect. Either that and suck it up and put it VERY temporarily on a credit card.

QueerFemme · February 2013

This post should be a sticky at the top of this page so we can refer to it when we often have to warn other couples NOT to overinvite. Everyone is convinced that only 70-80% of their guests will say yes, but this crap happens all the time.

Go with PPs advice. Call the familes who rsvp'd for their kids and explain the misunderstanding, and you will not be able to accomodate their children. Then, call the venue and see how they can help try to work with you to accomodate your guests. Can you not have dancing, get rid of the dance floor and put more tables/chairs on the dance floor area? Not ideal, but this is a mess you created and now somehow, you have to fix it.

Pookieson · February 2013

holy moly. You've got a lot of advice. All of which you need to listen to. Lesson learned, possibly a very expensive lesson.

allychase · February 2013

I guess I just can't get behind whatever logic they used to come to the conclusion that "ok we're at 75 people over capacity at the venue but I'm sure they won't come so its fine"

NariaD · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_too-many-rsvps-to-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7176a3e7-9786-42dc-9e66-4c256ddeeb3fPost:023fde99-5ada-4c42-acf0-383a1bf05f36">TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]]We can not afford to lose our deposit for a bigger venue, more food, etc.
Posted by amaphis[/QUOTE]

You should have only invited the guests you could afford to accommodate and feed in the first place.

Is there any way at the venue that you could expand your space? Smaller dance floor, additional room(s) (some venues have moveable room dividers), etc?
<div>
</div><div>There's no polite way to uninvite guests. Aside from the children who were not invited, you're going to have to find a way to host the additional 45+ guests. </div>

Viczaesar · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_too-many-rsvps-to-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7176a3e7-9786-42dc-9e66-4c256ddeeb3fPost:ea80dfd3-e9b7-4dae-a6ff-7d86ae2987d5">Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!! : I'm guessing the same ones that gamble and play lotto. In other words, the ones bad at math.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]
Not everybody who likes to gamble or play the lotto are bad at math.

Loopyseven · February 2013

Wow. This is the first time I think I've actually seen a post like this. I was beginning to think the "over-acceptance" was a thing of myths. That said - how were the invitations addressed? I find it hard to believe that people assumed their kids were invited to the tune of 40+ kids unless the invitation implied they were invited. Unless you have 5 families with 8 kids each who all made this mistaken impression and RSVP'd with their kids, that's probably 20 or so couples which is a LOT of people to not realize that the invitation was only addressed to the adults. I smell something fishy. And how is 35 people over your capacity any better than 75? You still need a bigger venue. I call MUD.

gailpete · February 2013

A friend of mine was invited to her cousin's wedding. When she RSVP'd that she and hubby would be attending, cousin sent her a note saying, "sorry but we have reached capacity at our venue. We hope you can come to the ceremony, and there is a nice restaurant done the street from the reception where you can have dinner (that my friend would get to pay for).' You could try this tactic, but I don't advise it.

Try to work with your venue or bite the bullet and find a new venue.

daveANDkristen · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_too-many-rsvps-to-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7176a3e7-9786-42dc-9e66-4c256ddeeb3fPost:85ee9c5a-094c-489b-858d-ca097aff8622">Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]A friend of mine was invited to her cousin's wedding. When she RSVP'd that she and hubby would be attending, cousin sent her a note saying, "sorry but we have reached capacity at our venue. We hope you can come to the ceremony, and there is a nice restaurant done the street from the reception where you can have dinner (that my friend would get to pay for).' You could try this tactic, but I don't advise it. Try to work with your venue or bite the bullet and find a new venue.
Posted by gailpete[/QUOTE]

This is the stuff decades-long family feuds are made of.

Jen4948 · February 2013

You should always be prepared for everyone you invite to accept your invitation-even if that's not what actually happens. If you're not willing to do that, your only other option is to find another venue that can accommodate all the guests you actually did invite.

In this instance, if you have adults RSVPing yes for uninvited kids or other guests, you can call them and tell them that only those listed on the envelope were invited and no other guests, kids or otherwise, can be accommodated, and prepare for pushback. Some people refuse to accept that they can't bring whomever they want, whether that's a date, their kids, or whomever.

[Deleted User] · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_too-many-rsvps-to-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:7176a3e7-9786-42dc-9e66-4c256ddeeb3fPost:85ee9c5a-094c-489b-858d-ca097aff8622">Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]A friend of mine was invited to her cousin's wedding. When she RSVP'd that she and hubby would be attending, cousin sent her a note saying, "sorry but we have reached capacity at our venue. We hope you can come to the ceremony, and there is a nice restaurant done the street from the reception where you can have dinner (that my friend would get to pay for).' You could try this tactic, but I don't advise it. Try to work with your venue or bite the bullet and find a new venue.
Posted by gailpete[/QUOTE]

WOW that is one of the tackiest things I've ever heard...

Sierra524 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_too-many-rsvps-to-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7176a3e7-9786-42dc-9e66-4c256ddeeb3fPost:85ee9c5a-094c-489b-858d-ca097aff8622">Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]A friend of mine was invited to her cousin's wedding. When she RSVP'd that she and hubby would be attending, cousin sent her a note saying, "sorry but we have reached capacity at our venue. We hope you can come to the ceremony, and there is a nice restaurant done the street from the reception where you can have dinner (that my friend would get to pay for).' You could try this tactic, but I don't advise it. Try to work with your venue or bite the bullet and find a new venue.
Posted by gailpete[/QUOTE]

So she was invited, but then couldnt go because there wasnt enough room?! WTF?! What kind of person does this? So rude. I dont know why people always think "well, not everybody is going to show up." Never invite more than your venue can hold, or more than you budgeted for. I dont even understand what the logic behind this was?! Can someone please explain to me why someone thinks that "over inviting" is an okay thing?

gailpete · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_too-many-rsvps-to-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7176a3e7-9786-42dc-9e66-4c256ddeeb3fPost:eb8eb751-70e9-4116-ab67-fd9a94d49feb">Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!! : So she was invited, but then couldnt go because there wasnt enough room?! WTF?! What kind of person does this? So rude. I dont know why people always think "well, not everybody is going to show up." Never invite more than your venue can hold, or more than you budgeted for. I dont even understand what the logic behind this was?! <strong>Can someone please explain to me why someone thinks that "over inviting" is an okay thing?
</strong>Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

The non-cynical portion of my brain says it's because they want to see a venue filled with family and friends sharing their joy-

The cynical portion (which is, by far, the larger portion) says that they hope that those that decline will still feel like they should send a gift- so they will get more presents.

Sierra524 · February 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_too-many-rsvps-to-reception-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:7176a3e7-9786-42dc-9e66-4c256ddeeb3fPost:badc949d-c68c-489f-bd1b-2aed36c67616">Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!! : The non-cynical portion of my brain says it's because they want to see a venue filled with family and friends sharing their joy- <strong>T</strong>he cynical portion (which is, by far, the larger portion) says that they hope that those that decline will still feel like they should send a gift- so they will get more presents.
Posted by gailpete[/QUOTE]

I know they probably just wanted to see everybody there, but if thats the case, she shouldve got a bigger venue to hold all these people. I am siding with your cynical portion.

TheBaysideBride · February 2013

Lord, why does everyone feel the need to say "we would have told you so!"
Congrats on the love you have in your family and friends - although it's a strain, it's also a pretty cool showing of how much people want to be with you.

I agree w/ previous folks who have said a phone call can clear up a lot of the confusion. I'm sure most people will be fine with it, they get sitters for the movies, they can do it for a wedding!!

enjoy

TheBaysideBride · February 2013

Lord, why does everyone feel the need to say "we would have told you so!"
Congrats on the love you have in your family and friends - although it's a strain, it's also a pretty cool showing of how much people want to be with you.

I agree w/ previous folks who have said a phone call can clear up a lot of the confusion. I'm sure most people will be fine with it, they get sitters for the movies, they can do it for a wedding!!

enjoy

QueerFemme · February 2013

In Response to Re:TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!:[QUOTE]Lord, why does everyone feel the need to say "we would have told you so!Posted by TheBaysideBride[/QUOTE]

The first line in OPs post says "who would have guessed!?" The answer to that is, all of us would have guessed. Hence, the reason a lot of people replied by saying that we would have told her what a huge mistake her tactic was.

TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!

Re: TOO MANY RSVP's TO RECEPTION!! HELP!!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards