Not so sure what to do

Hallanole · June 2012

Okay, quick background. My venue is an all inclusive and for what we picked we paid for 125 guests. Mom wanted 10 additional and said if I got 100% responses, she would pay for those additional 10. Deadline for RSVP's is July 1st. Numbers need to be in July 12th.

Slowly the RSVP's are trickling in. So far I have 6 not attending. Still waiting on 18 more people to respond. Lol.

Anyway, here are some odd ball scenarios I am not sure what to do about and was asked a question.

My brother's best friend just moved into my parents. He is currently seperated from his wife and moved in from out of state. Basically I call him my adopted brother. His move in was recent and well after invites went out. I am feeling bad as the whole house is attending my wedding and he is not. He attended the shower because he is currently living there and it was a Jack and Jill thrown at my parents house. Very possible he will be home from work during rehearsal dinner that Mom is hosting at her house. I know it's late in the game but should I extend an invite to him because he's living with the family? Or do I say oh well and let him fend for himself?

Another question, FI's best friend was single up until he told FI he got a gf. This info was told on Saturday night. Friend asked FI and I if he could bring his new gf to the wedding.

Because of the tight budget, I could not allow everyone a plus one unless I knew they were in a relationship at the time invites went out.

Do I tell him sorry No, or do I ask mom if we can accompdate?

BeachLover2885 · June 2012

For your brother's friend, I think that's completely up to you if you want to invite him. I don't think it's necessary and I don't think you should feel bad about him not coming. Since he just separated from his wife, he may not even be up for attending a wedding. However, if I were you, I would probably ask my mom what she thinks, but that's up to you as well. For your FI's best friend, maybe tell him if you have extra space you can allow him to bring his g/f? Since your RSVP date isn't until the 12th, I think it's completely fair to tell him you have to wait and see who responds before you can let him bring a date. Personally, I would probably be more inclined to allow him to bring his g/f since it's your FI's best friend, but that's entirely up to you! I hope this is helpful!

brandichamberlain · June 2012

When invitations go out if someone has a SO they need to be invited, truly single guests do not need to be extended a +1. If that person enters into a relationship after invitations go out, it is up to you if you would like to invite. Anyone who attends any type of pre-wedding party should also be invited to the wedding at the same time everyone else invites their guests.

Was FI's friend with his gf at the time of the invitation? If so, your response should be "yes, we apologize for the oversight. Of course she is welcome."

In terms of the friend living in your home- he should 100% be invited since he attended a pre-wedding party.

michelle11988 · June 2012

I think with your brother's friend I would include him because it seems you are very close to him. Additionally, he did attend a pre-wedding party and under all technical terms of ettiquette he should be included and under the circumstances I would include him as I wouldn't want to know about him sitting at home by himself at your parents house.

Your FI's BFF's recent gf. Were they dating when invites were sent out? If so, I would include her, if not that's up to you and FI.

BeachLover2885 · June 2012

Was your brother's friend invited to the shower or did he just attend bc he lives there? I may have misread your post. If he was an invited guest to the shower he should be invited to the wedding. Sorry about that!

littlemoments324 · June 2012

I would include your 'adopted brother'....

As far as the new gf, you have every right to tell him he will have to wait for a final answer until you get your final head count in to see if there is room...

Hallanole · June 2012

Clarification for the questions.

Invites went out in May. FI's best friend just started dating the girl like 2 weeks ago. He actually blushed when he mentioned he had a gf. In the 4 years I have known him, this is gf #1 in that time. If he had any, he never mentioned about dating anyone to me.

My "adopted" brother attended the shower as he is living at parents house which the shower was hosted at. He actually left the shower to go get a hair cut as he had the day off.

I would love to invite my "adopted" brother. I love him dearly, but I don't want to make him feel B listed. I guess that is my biggest worry.

BeachLover2885 · June 2012

If they just started dating 2 weeks ago, I would definitely wait until after the 12th to see if they are even still together. We had at least two couples break up by the time the invitations went out and the RSVPs were due. Then, if you have the space and he's still with her, you and your FI can decide if you want her to come.

About your "adopted" brother.. do you think he would be more offended to receive an invitation later or not be invited at all? I feel like you do have a special circumstance, so I personally don't think it's rude to extend an invite now. Also, not to generalize or be offensive, but I have found that men are typically not knowledgable about wedding etiquette or even know what a "B" list is. He might not even realize he's receiving the invite late. FI's single guy friends were so lackadaisical about the invitations... a lot of them ended up losing them.

Hallanole · June 2012

My rsvp dealine in July 1st. The venue needs the numbers on the 12th.

BeachLover2885 · June 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2012-weddings_not-so-sure-what-to-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:066005ef-215f-48b1-8655-328b41e07c52Discussion:5b6eda16-9c8d-4941-961c-4b37076d162bPost:a9f7ad25-1239-425b-b709-3c78ec4b08e6">Re: Not so sure what to do</a>:
[QUOTE]My rsvp dealine in July 1st. The venue needs the numbers on the 12th.
Posted by Hallanole[/QUOTE]

<div>I hear ya. So at least you have until the 12th to decide about the g/f. I'm sure if you end up extending the invite to your adopted brother, he would understand if you explained the situation. You could also maybe ask your own brother how he thinks his friend would react? </div>

Not so sure what to do

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