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Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...

alizabee84alizabee84 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So the venue that we want offers an engagement party as something that is part of their package, and we'd like to take advantage of that. We wouldn't expect or want gifts at this party, and I know all the etiquette on these forums say that we can't throw one ourselves, but the venue calls it an engagement party, and it's a relly nice perk. So how do we work that? I mean I guess we can invite people to that party and not call it an engagement party, but since it's at the same venue as the wedding and is a longer drive for most people because of that, I think that's also weird. Just looking for suggestions on how to navigate that. Thank you!
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Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...

  • MoonlightSilverMoonlightSilver member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    edited March 2013
    Has anyone offered to host an engagement party or bridal shower for you? If so, you could mention that the venue is offering their space for the party. Otherwise I'd probably just ignore this perk. 
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Really, you aren't supposed to throw your own engagement party?  A party that is supposed to say "hey, we're engaged, let's celebrate with our nearest and dearest"?  Whoops, I guess I missed the etiquette on that one.  Of course, from what I know engagement parties don't require guests bringing gifts.  Maybe this is a geography thing?  My brother hosted his own engagement party, and it was the same thing as mine - invite your immediate family to a restaurant for a meal to celebrate being engaged. 

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  • mrsbobfilsonmrsbobfilson member
    100 Comments
    Ask your parents or bridal party to "host" it even though the venue truly is
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  • lisabeatslisabeats member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:f0688518-32d1-4c49-afcc-0a406fc6cd8e">Re:Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...: No. OP, not only is it in bad taste to host your own E party, but it's in VERY bad taste to make people travel farther than is convenient to do so.<strong> Is this really even a "free perk"? Do they provide food and alcohol an entertainment for no extra charge? I'm betting it's a "perk" designed to get you to spend more money with them.</strong> I would ignore it or ask about upgrades for the wedding itself instead.
    Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

    If it really is free on all accounts, that is pretty cool of them (though you still have to figure out how to handle it without being rude). But I would agree whole-heartedly with stage and say figure out the details 100% before you make any decisions. Good luck!
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:1b70bd8a-5ed6-4816-8d52-1e65632518c6">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Really, you aren't supposed to throw your own engagement party?  A party that is supposed to say "hey, we're engaged, let's celebrate with our nearest and dearest"?  Whoops, I guess I missed the etiquette on that one.  Of course, from what I know engagement parties don't require guests bringing gifts.  Maybe this is a geography thing?  My brother hosted his own engagement party, and it was the same thing as mine - invite your immediate family to a restaurant for a meal to celebrate being engaged. 
    Posted by kerbohl[/QUOTE]

    We hosted ours too and we got 3 gifts. We requested no gifts be brought as it was just an opportunity to gather, eat and drink and just have a good time. No one thought it was tacky or rude.

    Most people do not think you should host your own. I'm not saying you should, but we hosted ours and not one person had a problem with it. We paid for an unlimited buffet and bar for 4 hours.

    It could be a regional thing. I have been to plenty self-hosted engagement parties.
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  • cnf2013cnf2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:38666d29-7e12-4a05-9617-5365055af334">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own... : We hosted ours too and we got 3 gifts. We requested no gifts be brought as it was just an opportunity to gather, eat and drink and just have a good time. No one thought it was tacky or rude. Most people do not think you should host your own. I'm not saying you should, but we hosted ours and not one person had a problem with it. We paid for an unlimited buffet and bar for 4 hours. <strong>It could be a regional thing</strong>. I have been to plenty self-hosted engagement parties.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    <div>I wish LI would hurry up and break away from the rest of NY state. What crazy and foreign appendage to the rest of my normal state it is, according to you. A girl can dream. </div>
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Where do you think most of NYS' revenue comes from? Downstate. Upstate needs downstate more than downstate needs upstate.

    Just an FYI :)
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  • cnf2013cnf2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:ffed1a1a-ea73-406c-b6f1-28c5013e9b0f">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Where do you think most of NYS' revenue comes from? Downstate. Upstate needs downstate more than downstate needs upstate. Just an FYI :)
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    <div>Oh believe me, I'm perfectly aware of that. I'm also aware of how disgustingly high my taxes are thanks to downstate. </div>
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  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:ffed1a1a-ea73-406c-b6f1-28c5013e9b0f">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]Where do you think most of NYS' revenue comes from? Downstate. Upstate needs downstate more than downstate needs upstate. Just an FYI :)
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    <div>Oh, I didn't know you were an expert in NY's revenue!! Upstate does not *need* downstate and I am more than happy to correct people when they assume that LI and NYC are all of NY. Corning? One of the largest glass companies in the entire world, and that's upstate. We don't *need* LI. Trust me.</div>
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  • lennonkdclennonkdc member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:38666d29-7e12-4a05-9617-5365055af334">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own... : We hosted ours too and we got 3 gifts. We requested no gifts be brought as it was just an opportunity to gather, eat and drink and just have a good time. <strong>No one thought it was tacky or rude. </strong>Most people do not think you should host your own. I'm not saying you should, but we hosted ours and <strong>not one person had a problem with it.</strong> We paid for an unlimited buffet and bar for 4 hours. It could be a regional thing. I have been to plenty self-hosted engagement parties.
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    <div>How do you know none of your guest were secretly side eyeing you? I've been invited to self hosted E parties, and trust me, myself and many other guests thought it was rude, but since its rude to point out such a huge faux pas to a persons face, nothing was said to the hosts. </div><div>
    </div><div>As with all things its rude to throw a party in your honor, just b/c you are now engaged doesn't mean you are entitled to be rude. </div><div>
    </div><div>
    </div>



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  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:c3d276ae-ce53-4fde-8ac1-edf20b650104">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own... : All of your advice is so bad you should put a disclaimer in your siggy so people know to ignore it. 1. It is rude to host a party honoring yourself 2. It is rude to mention gifts on an invite. "No gifts" lets people know you were thinking abut getting some. 3. Just because no one said they thought it was tacky didn't mean no one thought it. Some people are capable of keeping their thoughts to themselves and refraining from chastising others. 4. It isn't a regional thing. I was born and raised in NYC and I've never beem to an e-party hosted by the couple. Ever. <strong>Then again, all my friends and family are well-mannered.</strong>
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>Here you go, OAH:</div><div>
    </div><div><img style="-webkit-user-select:none;" src="http://blog.interplas.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/Plastic-Ice-Bags-with-Draw-String-Top1.jpg" alt="" />. For that burn. :)

    </div>
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  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:94c24eee-fa9e-422c-8c08-c781bba165fb">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]<a href="http://www.nyc.gov/html/om/pdf/2004_expenditure_nys2.pdf" rel="nofollow">http://www.nyc.gov/html/om/pdf/2004_expenditure_nys2.pdf</a> <a href="http://www.rockinst.org/pdf/nys_government/2011-12-Giving_and_Getting.pdf" rel="nofollow">http://www.rockinst.org/pdf/nys_government/2011-12-Giving_and_Getting.pdf</a> Long Island, Lower Westchester and NYC all contribute more to state finances than they recieve.  Financially, they would be much better off without upstate. 
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>TL;DR.

    </div>
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...:[QUOTE]<a href="http://www.nyc.gov/html/om/pdf/2004_expenditure_nys2.pdfhttp://www.rockinst.org/pdf/nys_government/201112Giving_and_Getting.pdfLong" rel="nofollow">http://www.nyc.gov/html/om/pdf/2004_expenditure_nys2.pdfhttp://www.rockinst.org/pdf/nys_government/201112Giving_and_Getting.pdfLong</a> Island, Lower Westchester and NYC all contribute more to state finances than they recieve.nbsp; Financially, they would be much better off without upstate.nbsp; Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    Then start a petition to become another state.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    500 Comments
    What's with the random hate for upstate NY? I live in NYC and I love upstate, regardless of any revenue - it's awesome and beautiful and has great wine!

    Also, NYC probably has a higher revenue in part due to everyone commuting in from NJ and CT to work...
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:ddc25e7e-29ba-450b-abff-0e1ef88d8513">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own... : Oh, I didn't know you were an expert in NY's revenue!! Upstate does not *need* downstate and I am more than happy to correct people when they assume that LI and NYC are all of NY. Corning? One of the largest glass companies in the entire world, and that's upstate. We don't *need* LI. Trust me.
    Posted by kmbryant2413[/QUOTE]

    Go back to texas!
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  • kmbryant2413kmbryant2413 member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:05509240-5e55-4f5d-a8cd-46dff7595d49">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own... : Go back to texas!
    Posted by OwningAHome1981[/QUOTE]

    <div>Cute.</div>
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2013
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:c35786eb-a5c4-458f-a3a5-0a07e070f55c">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]What's with the random hate for upstate NY? I live in NYC and I love upstate, regardless of any revenue - it's awesome and beautiful and has great wine! Also, NYC probably has a higher revenue in part due to everyone commuting in from NJ and CT to work...
    Posted by vonclancy[/QUOTE]

    I never said I hated it. I actually love it too but someone in thread got offended by something.

    I lived upstate for 5 years and I'd go back in a heartbeat.
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  • OwningAHome1981OwningAHome1981 member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:c3d276ae-ce53-4fde-8ac1-edf20b650104">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own... : All of your advice is so bad you should put a disclaimer in your siggy so people know to ignore it. 1. It is rude to host a party honoring yourself 2. It is rude to mention gifts on an invite. "No gifts" lets people know you were thinking abut getting some. 3. Just because no one said they thought it was tacky didn't mean no one thought it. Some people are capable of keeping their thoughts to themselves and refraining from chastising others. 4. It isn't a regional thing. I was born and raised in NYC and I've never beem to an e-party hosted by the couple. Ever. Then again, all my friends and family are well-mannered.
    Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

    It wasn't advise. I was telling her how we did it. I actually said in my post "I am not telling you you should.' Guess you can't read that well.
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  • KnotIreneKnotIrene admin
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'm not going to single any one out at this point, but please try to find ways of disagreeing without insulting.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:b6723c4c-3427-4502-94e0-393327edfacb">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own... : Von, those people would probably continue to commute to NYC even if upstate broke off. 
    Posted by NYUgirl100[/QUOTE]

    Ok, but the point was that that doesn't make NYC better than the rest of NY state. It's not like NYC is just magically making tons more money because of the sheer awesomeness of people who live in NYC. It just seems weird to me to be hating on the rest of NY state.
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  • kaos16kaos16 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    As someone who has been on LI for just about 30 years I can say that it is "regionally" similar to NYC and NJ in my opinion.  Hosting your own engagement party is just as rude on LI as in those locations.

    Please, please, please fellow knotties. . . . don't hate on all Long Islanders.  I assure you we are not all bad people, nor are we all as delusional as some may lead you to believe. 
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Hey. Proud New Yorker here. AND I've lived on Long Island my whole life. Just want to throw my own two cents in. Hosting your own engagement party is not a regional thing here. It might be a circle thing, though. It's not done in my circle, but I have heard if it being done. In my honest opinion, anytime you throw a party in your own honor it's tacky and AWish no matter what part of NY you live in.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    I like PPs suggestion of just holding onto the info.  If/when someone offers to throw an e-party or shower for you then you could mention "hey our venue will do it for free".  If not just let it go.

    kerbohl - you're always welcome to invite your families out to dinner, it's when you make it all about you that it's in poor taste.  Not sure what your and your brother's events were like but it's definitely possible to go out to celebrate with family without being against etiquette

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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    In Response to Re:Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...:[QUOTE]Hey. Proud New Yorker here. AND I've lived on Long Island my whole life. Just want to throw my own two cents in.
    Hosting your own engagement party is not a regional thing here. It might be a circle thing, though. It's not done in my circle, but I have heard if it being done.

    In my honest opinion, anytime you throw a party in your own honor it's tacky and AWish no matter what part of NY you live in. Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

    All you ladies from Long Island. It's not that I have a problem with. It's the constant 'it's a LI thing. You wouldn't understand.' I get that some things are regional and I'm good with that. I am just not a fan of rudeness being excused because of geographical location.

    However, weddings in other countries are very different, so I'll give those a pass. I just mean in the US.
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  • PeledreamsofrainPeledreamsofrain member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I'm very 'meh' about people hosting their own engagement parties since guests traditionally don't bring gifts.  To me it's more like a dinner party.  Correct etiquette would be to have someone else host it, however.
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  • kaos16kaos16 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    In Response to Re:Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...:[QUOTE]STOP saying it is a Long Island thing because its NOT!!! I spent most of my childhood up to 18 in Long Island where tons of my family live. I have never once met anyone like you guys says 'its a li thing'. Get over yourself.nbsp; Posted by ans3f[/QUOTE]
    It looks like 2 out of 3 long islanders agree that it's NOT a long island thing!!!
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  • alizabee84alizabee84 member
    First Comment
    Well, for what it's worth, I'm in Michigan, and I've been I think only to engagement parties that the couple threw, or the family threw, no gifts was clearly on the invite, and everyone just figured it was a celebration that they got engaged, which it was. I also think this is one of those things that may be evolving, like I wouldn't ever think this was a big deal but when I started looking at the etiquette I was actually really floored because I personally don't think it's a huge deal to have a celebration, but absolutely not want gifts. Also, I think saying no gifts doesn't imply that you were expecting gifts, I think it just serves to let the guest know that they don't have to worry about that if they were thinking about it. I'm personally not sure why people throwing their own E party should offend anybody, but I recognize that I have no idea about wedding etiquette which is why these forums are helpful. The venue does offer the food for free, and the room, and there would be a cash bar, which of course we would pay for for our guests. They are still gaining popularity as a venue for weddings, so I think they have some really nice incentives built into booking with them. At any rate, I appreciate all the advice, and as for someone looking at me sideways, I really don't care about that either. ;) I just didn't know if this was the "if I didn't know about something it would hurt someone's feelings" type of things. It seems like it just is perceived as rude by some, but not by all. I think in my family and friend group, the norm is that if a couple wants to throw a celebration like that, it's cool, so I may not call it an E party specifically if it's the term that causes so much rancor, but it would be really nice to have a celebration and I'm not ignoring this perk. ;) Thanks again.
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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Okay, so maybe this is the problem.  When is it an engagement party meant to honour you, and when it is a party that you are throwing to celebrate the fact that you are getting married?  Honestly, I am just so incredibly confused by this.  When people get  a job promotion, don't they invite people to go out for drinks and celebrate with them?  According to the logic presented here, that would mean that the person who got the promotion is being extremely rude and self-centered because essentially they are inviting people to a party apparently in their honour.  I invited people that were close to me to celebrate the fact that I am excited and I am getting married.  We went out for lunch.  We talked about getting married, and about each other, and about life in general.  Then we left.  But apparently I'm rude and selfish because I had a party all about me?  And what does this say about birthday parties?  You can't invite people over to celebrate your birthday because it is selfish since it is a party about you?  SOMEBODY HELP ME UNDERSTAND!!

    Also, I find this argument over NYC very interesting - I didn't know the dynamics between upstate and downstate were so complex.

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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_engagement-party-offered-by-venue-but-were-not-supposed-to-throw-our-own?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:724bf242-769c-4d1a-80d6-5d4594d7ab05Post:346f1296-eae5-4896-ba6b-7ddea6efda6c">Re: Engagement Party offered by venue, but we're not supposed to throw our own...</a>:
    [QUOTE]I like PPs suggestion of just holding onto the info.  If/when someone offers to throw an e-party or shower for you then you could mention "hey our venue will do it for free".  If not just let it go. kerbohl - you're always welcome to invite your families out to dinner, it's when you make it all about you that it's in poor taste.  Not sure what your and your brother's events were like but it's definitely possible to go out to celebrate with family without being against etiquette
    Posted by Kate61487[/QUOTE]

    Okay, whoops, didnt' see this post before I posted my confusion above.  So it depends on how you approach such a party then which determines if it is rude or not?  In that case, I think I am in the clear because I didn't make it all about me and my fiance . . . I guess.  Etiquette is sometimes so very frustrating. 

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