Name Change Confusion

Mirandaasch · August 2010

I've only just started thinking about whether or not to change my name when I get married.

I want to take FI's name, but I also want to keep my maiden name. I know there are several options. I don't like the idea of hyphenating the two, just because my name is a mouthful on its own. I've also considered taking his name legally and using my maiden name professionally, as well as making my maiden name a middle name.

Does anyone know if this will make things really inconvenient? If my legal name is "first name FI's last name" and someone addresses a letter to "first name maiden name" will it get to me? If someone writes a cheque to "first name maiden name" will I be able to cash it?

These solutions sound good in theory, but are they practical?

twilight.rose · August 2010

I kept my first name, middle name, and last name. I also added my married name as a second last name. My two last names are unhyphenated, so I am, for all practical purposes, Mrs. MarriedName, but if a check is made out to me using my maiden name, I can still cash it, etc. For example, I sign all documents using all four names, and my credit/debit cards say FirstName MaidenName MarriedName.

Mirandaasch · August 2010

Thanks for the response! That makes sense and sounds like it might be a good option.

skippylouwho · August 2010

If you get a check made out to a name other than your legal name, if instead of endorsing it with your name you write "for deposit only" your bank will most likely accept it. You might be surprised at what banks will deposit (as in how / who they are made out to).

Depending on the occasion I use either my actual middle name or I use my maiden name as my middle name. I've never had a problem. I chose to take my husband's last name although it's not a name I'm particularly fond of. I have friends who use their maiden names professinally and their husband's names socially, I'm not aware of any problems they've had.

megk8oz · August 2010

I changed my name 8 months ago (Completely dropped my maiden name), and I definitely have not had issues getting mail addressed to my maiden name (Seriously, I get tons of junk mail on a weekly basis sent under my old name).

As long as whomever's mailing it to you has the correct address, there shouldn't be an issue.

Mirandaasch · August 2010

Thanks for the info, ladies. I'm probably over thinking things; I tend to get overwhelmed by little things sometimes!

redheadfsu · August 2010

You should use your new legal name for any official/legal purposes (passport, loans, etc). A bank may or may not cash a check not in your name (really they shouldn't, but it happens all the time). You can always clear up any confusion with a copy of an offical document (SS card) with your old name & your marriage license and/or document with your new name. Mail- they don't look at the name, only the address. You can use any name you want for social purposes.

KatBride · August 2010

I think it might be a problem if your professional name is not your legal name. For example, your paycheck probably needs to be in the same name as your Social Security card. Also, if you ever travel for work, the tickets might be put in your work name, which would then not match your legal ID.

2dBride · August 2010

In general, if you are using one name for social purposes and a different one for professional purposes, your "legal" name should be the professional one. Your employer needs to have your legal name for your W-2, and you need to use it on your tax return. It is also used to keep track of your social security earnings. By contrast, no official agency needs to know how you are addressed by your friends.

There is not, by the way, any problem with filing a joint return with your husband with a legal last name that is different from his. That is a much better alternative than using his name on your tax return if your W-2 and social security card are in your maiden name.

Pirata13 · August 2010

I am making my maiden name my middle. So most of the time I will be FirstName HisLast but for some professional purposes I will use my full name which will be First MyLast HisLast.

MyNameIsNot · August 2010

If you want to use your maiden name professionally, you should really keep it legally. Having a different name on your paycheck vs. your business card is just going to be a pain and confusing, and may not even be allowed.

But if you use your maiden name legally and professionally, you should be able to get away with using his name socially, assuming your professional/social circles don't have a ton of overlap. I have a girlfriend that did this, and it's been working well for her after 3 years.

Xan921 · August 2010

I'm sorry, but I think this is just silly. If you are that attached to keeping your maiden name, then legally make it your middle name and take his last name. All of this one name for work and one name for social is just confusing and pointless. I think it's disrespectful to your hubby to still use your maiden name as your last name after you get married.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-confusion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:778b9d41-3b94-4be7-82fd-76075bb15c64Post:1f7f9e6b-f0f1-4f04-b55b-6dfb98070a3f">Re: Name Change Confusion</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm sorry, but I think this is just silly. If you are that attached to keeping your maiden name, then legally make it your middle name and take his last name. All of this one name for work and one name for social is just confusing and pointless. <strong>I think it's disrespectful to your hubby to still use your maiden name as your last name after you get married.</strong>
Posted by Xan921[/QUOTE]

Uh, my maiden name will still be my LEGAL last name after I get married, so what other name would I use? And why would my husband care?

Xan921 · August 2010

Maybe I'm just a tad on the traditional side of this, but I know once I get married, I want to be introduced as Mrs. FI's last name. I'm not saying it's right or wrong either way, to each it's own, but I could just never imagine not taking my husband's name; I think in a way it symbolizes the unity between the two of you. Plus down the line, I'd assume your kids would have your husbands last name, so wouldn't you want to have the same last name as your kids? Someone brought it up to us early on in our engagement and my FI said to me that he would be offended if I didn't want to be truly considered a "Smith". All I am saying is that I think it's nice when you are called Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith.

Xan921 · August 2010

Settle down there... I read her original post wrong, and I apologize for that. I also worded what I meant wrong, so thank you for making me realize that. I wasn't directing that statement directly towards her; I was saying that I feel that way for any bride, it was a general statement that was my personal opinion.
Mirandaasch, I apologize. Like I said, I read your post wrong. I was scanning through fast on my break at work, so please don't take it personally like some others did.

impslave · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-confusion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:778b9d41-3b94-4be7-82fd-76075bb15c64Post:9e20d7d9-d5a6-44b2-98ba-ecbc8808d8ee">Re: Name Change Confusion</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe I'm just a tad on the traditional side of this, but I know once I get married, I want to be introduced as Mrs. FI's last name. I'm not saying it's right or wrong either way, to each it's own, but I could just never imagine not taking my husband's name; I think in a way it symbolizes the unity between the two of you. Plus down the line, I'd assume your kids would have your husbands last name, so wouldn't you want to have the same last name as your kids? Someone brought it up to us early on in our engagement and my FI said to me that he would be offended if I didn't want to be truly considered a "Smith". All I am saying is that I think it's nice when you are called Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith.
Posted by Xan921[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Just as you could never imagine not taking your FI's last name, I could never imagine changing mine. Unlike you, I don't judge those who believe differently than I do. I don't need to change my name to symbolize the unity I feel with my H, the vows we made and the rings we exchanged do that very nicely.</div><div>
</div><div>Even if we had kids, and we are not, they would not necessarily have to have my H's last name. I grew up using my ex-stepfather's last name, so we would all be the same, and I hated it.</div><div>
</div><div>Lastly, if my H had told me that he would be offended if I didn't change my name, I would have found that as disrespectful of me and that would have led to major discussions about our relationship.</div><div>
</div><div>But hey, as you say, "to each their own."

</div>

Xan921 · August 2010

I'm not judging those who think differently than I do. I said that's my personal opinion on the matter which I am entitled to have, just as you have your opinion on the matter. You see, this is why I don't like posting on a lot of these boards, people are so quick to jump to conclusions about things. I apologized to the OP because I misread her post, I apologized if I offended anyone, and I thought I made myself very clear that this was just my personal opinion. But apparently, others cannot seem to understand that just because my opinion is different doesn't make it wrong. I'm done with this thread, have a wonderful marriage and a blast on your first anniversarymoon (that's a cute saying btw)

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_name-change-confusion?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:778b9d41-3b94-4be7-82fd-76075bb15c64Post:9e20d7d9-d5a6-44b2-98ba-ecbc8808d8ee">Re: Name Change Confusion</a>:
[QUOTE]Maybe I'm just a tad on the traditional side of this, but I know once I get married, I want to be introduced as Mrs. FI's last name. I'm not saying it's right or wrong either way, to each it's own, but I could just never imagine not taking my husband's name; I think in a way it symbolizes the unity between the two of you. Plus down the line, I'd assume your kids would have your husbands last name, so wouldn't you want to have the same last name as your kids? Someone brought it up to us early on in our engagement and my FI said to me that he would be offended if I didn't want to be truly considered a "Smith". All I am saying is that I think it's nice when you are called Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith.
Posted by Xan921[/QUOTE]

Well, that's your opinion, but everyone has the right to their own choice about their own name.

And no, we have not yet decided what last name our children will have, but it's a decision we'll make together. And I don't care if my name is the same as theirs or not - my mother and I have different last names and it's never been a problem.

So thanks for your concern and all, but I'm fine with my choice. It's something I've been adamant about since I was a teenager. My name is a big part of who I am and I can't bear to part with it.

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