confused

wpamela85 · September 2010

Ok let me explain, my husband and i are paying for the majority of her wedding! and her paternal father says he will help, but hasnt made an effort. My problem is my daughter has already picked her dress, and we purchased it, materials and items to do catering with other family members help, even the cake, she decided on the venue, color, style, invites, etc. Now she came to me and told me she is selling the dress, having it @ a different location, color changed, people in her party, ( family) members the groom didnt want in there, and he decided he wanted a different dress, color, venue, so ot would be more layed back, because her venue he didnt like, and he wants a big drunk fest for his friends, what am i to do?

Butter Cookie · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_confused-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:42adca8d-ba06-4710-8386-3126b554eddePost:5e351f21-d469-49fd-b211-f4e6c5628c5b">confused</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok let me explain, my husband and i are paying for the majority of her wedding! and her paternal father says he will help, but hasnt made an effort. My problem is my daughter has already picked her dress, and we purchased it, materials and items to do catering with other family members help, even the cake, she decided on the venue, color, style, invites, etc. Now she came to me and told me she is selling the dress, having it @ a different location, color changed, people in her party, ( family) members the groom didnt want in there, and he decided he wanted a different dress, color, venue, so ot would be more layed back, because her venue he didnt like, and he wants a big drunk fest for his friends, what am i to do?
Posted by wpamela85[/QUOTE]

It's your money. You can choose to give or not to give, and with which strings attached.

TheDuckis · September 2010

I'm confused too. Try full sentences.

*Barbie* · September 2010

so return everything you've bought so far, tell your daughter that she needs to pay you back for the dress, and let her pay for her own wedding. it's your money, so if you're not agreeable to the changes, don't pay. this isn't rocket surgery.

droodspen · September 2010

Not one straight man in the world has grown up dreaming of his big wedding day. Now he's found the perfect girl and she's chosen everything she's dreamed of (within reason and budget), and he's decided to veto everything and throw a kegger. Here's what you do: have a chat with the boy. Tell him you've agreed to pay for the majority of your daughter's wedding-- the one she's dreamed about for years and years. If he wants his parents to pay for the wedding of HIS dreams, he can ask them to throw him and his buddies a huge party so they can get crunk on their dime. Ask him to allow her to have this day-- he'll have the rest of their lives together to tell her what she can wear, who she can invite over, where she can go, etc.

Good Luck!

Butter Cookie · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_confused-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:42adca8d-ba06-4710-8386-3126b554eddePost:a3a9dda0-2fa9-4df1-a986-b96af673b1f5">Re: confused</a>:
[QUOTE]Not one straight man in the world has grown up dreaming of his big wedding day. Now he's found the perfect girl and she's chosen everything she's dreamed of (within reason and budget), and he's decided to veto everything and throw a kegger. Here's what you do: have a chat with the boy. Tell him you've agreed to pay for the majority of your daughter's wedding-- the one she's dreamed about for years and years. If he wants his parents to pay for the wedding of HIS dreams, he can ask them to throw him and his buddies a huge party so they can get crunk on their dime. Ask him to allow her to have this day-- he'll have the rest of their lives together to tell her what she can wear, who she can invite over, where she can go, etc. Good Luck!
Posted by droodspen[/QUOTE]

Yes, this is excellent advice if you want to start off your relationship with your future son-in-law on the wrong foot. Telling him that even though he's marrying your child he and his opinions do not matter is always excellent advice.

6fsn · September 2010

Don't listen to droodspen. That has to be the worst advice ever. Just because a MAN or WOMAN hasn't dreamed about a wedding for decades doesn't mean they don't get an opinion now.

Unless you think your future son-in-law is pulling your daughter in directions completely against her wishes for the marriage (not the wedding), butt out. Pay for what you want to pay for, ask for the money back, whatever you think is best. This is both of their day though. If they've decided to compromise on something laid back, that's up to them.

mrsconn23 · September 2010

I had to stop at 'paternal father'. Is there any other kind?

Sloane99 · September 2010

Droodspen - how the heck is it "her" day??? I know I need to stop responding to this crap, but it pisses me off.

FYI my DH had, in fact, had a dream of getting married in Vegas since he was quite young - and that's what we did and let me assure you, he is quite straight.

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