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Don't know where to start

lovejordanlovejordan
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in Second Weddings
Hi all, I maybe jumping the gun a bit here but here goes:

I have not yet been formally proposed to but we are currently looking at rings and I know it will be before the end of the year.  We actually have picked a wedding date already, April 1st 2012, our anniversary.

With all that in mind this will be marriage number 2 for both.  I never had a wedding before and I really want to have the dress and photos and have it my day.  He told me I could have whatever I want big or small.  The problem is half of my family believes that I had my shot at a wedding the first time around and I didn't so to bad for me.  That hurts so much and part of me feels like maybe they are right.

So as much as I want that dream wedding I am wondering if a private Vegas wedding just for us would do.  I could still have the gown and photos.  This should be my day and I should just tell my family to backoff but I cant.

I would just love some suggestions or ideas on having a small wedding where I can still get what I want but not going overboard.


Thanks!
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Re: Don't know where to start

  • Laura1027Laura1027
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Hi and welcome!  IMO you're not jumping the gun at all; it takes time to plan a wedding and April will come quickly!

    You need to do what is right for you and your FI.  Maybe it would help to sit your family down and tell them how you feel?  Remind them that this is your day and ask for their support. 

    IMO, you and your FI should have what you want for a wedding.  Hopefully your family will come around, but don't "settle" because of them; you desreve the whole shebang!!!!  Besides, just because it's not a first wedding, it IS your first wedding to HIM and it's in no way any less important because it's a 2nd wedding!

    Good luck to you!
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  • Marrin713Marrin713 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    How were you married once before without having a wedding?  Please don't say it was JOP and therefore not a "real wedding."

    I married for the second time last summer.  It was a JOP with a reception a day later.  We kept it small and simple.  50+ people at a local golf club.  I did not wear a wedding gown nor did H wear a tux or suit to the reception (or to the ceremony).  We had a hosted bar and heavy apps and cake.  No music except for IPod in the background.  It was more of a cocktail party type setting.  We didn't toss bouquets or garters.  I think the only "tradition" we did was the cutting of the cake.  We had a photographer tho.  She was my best friend's daughter who is trying to break into pro photography.  All in all, it was a nice laid-back reception.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, Mar and I are together on this one.  DH and I had a wedding on the beach, just the two of us and the officiant.  No one else.  It was still a REAL WEDDING.  If you had to get divorced or be widowed to get out of the marriage, then it was a wedding. 

    It's up to you what you do.  I would determine your budget first, and what's important to you.  We decided being able to have the ceremony we wanted and being able to say what we meant to one another was the most important thing.  So, we did a private ceremony.  (We're Pagan and DH is an extreme  introvert).  If having others there, and wearing the big white dress is important, then go for it.  But remember, you should be planning for a MARRIAGE, not a wedding RECEPTION in the long run. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • Scarlet Starlet 31Scarlet Starlet 31 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011

    If I can just ask one thing of you-please think about your options before you make a decision on how to proceed.
    Just because it's your second marriage doesn't mean you should have to settle and make it a tiny event with no bells and whistles! If you really have your heart set on having a dream wedding with a beautiful dress and a reception and all that jazz, you should go for it!  Don't let the ignorance of anyone-even family-stand in your way! 
    Sorry if I'm opinionated here on this subject, but I really hate to see people give up on a dream just because of what they think other people think.  This is your life and if you want to get what you want, you have to be bold and put yourself first sometimes.  Let them talk, let them whisper-if they don't agree with what you're doing, well, f*ck them.  Seriously.  They can sit at home and pout while you dance the night away with your man! 

    Okay sorry I went into a total tirade there...I guess I just really want you to please consider what you want.  You have a dream and you are ENTITLED to the wedding you and your FI want to have.

    Please don't give up on your dream.  Take some time to talk to your FI and think about what you really, truly want, and don't let other peoples' opinions or comments be a part of that conversation. Focus on what's in your hearts and then do what's right for you two.

    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • Scarlet Starlet 31Scarlet Starlet 31 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    and btw, congratulations on beginning to plan your wedding! 
    My FI and I did it that way too-we started planning, picked out a ring and got engaged later.  We didn't tell anybody (well, *we* didn't, but *I* did...I told my mom and BFF) so it felt like we had this really awesome secret between us and when people asked us when we were getting married, we would just smile and look at each other with that "we know something you don't know" look...it was great.  We had almost our whole wedding planned before he actually proposed.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    She isn't talking about a do-over.  They are both no longer married to whoever they were married to before, and now they are marrying each other.   Isn't that what a "Second Wedding" usually is? 

    Anyway, for the OP, I think you should have whatever kind of wedding you want and can afford to pay for yourself.  

    I am like you -- my first wedding (to my late husband) was very small.  This time, I am having a bigger wedding.   Nobody seems to care, but honestly I wouldn't care if they did.   My sister did the same thing -- first marriage was in Vegas, that one didn't take.  Second husband, she married in big wedding. 

    You should do what you want to do:-)
    DSC_9275
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Oh yeah, forgot one thing:

    April 1st is the weekend before Easter.  If you're having a religious ceremony, then depending on your denomination, this might be a show-stopper.   However, if you're not having a religious ceremony, then it will make finding vendors MUCH easier since a lot won't be working that weekend:-)
    DSC_9275
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Uh, Avion, Retread was just stating that as a comparison.  And just as an fyi, "religion" does not mean Christian only.  My husband and I are Pagans, the Easter thing wouldn't be a "show stopper" for us (and I think actually, when we had our legal ceremony it was the week before Easter), and on the equinox, just hours before the full moon, all of which is important to us.  Because the Christians adopted most of the symbolism from Paganism into Easter and Christmas, it always rubs me the wrong way.   


    And, btw, Retread, Samhain (Halloween to you muggles) is coming, have you recieved your obligatory "you're going to hell" letter yet?  :-)  It's still early, they have time, but just thought I'd ask. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • Avion22Avion22 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_dont-start?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:65c7a2e7-6c9b-4269-a8a0-17c133a3445cPost:4af3ddda-7b40-4fa3-acc7-81ddf3d11886">Re: Don't know where to start</a>:
    [QUOTE]Uh, Avion, Retread was just stating that as a comparison.  And just as an fyi, "religion" does not mean Christian only.  My husband and I are Pagans, the Easter thing wouldn't be a "show stopper" for us (and I think actually, when we had our legal ceremony it was the week before Easter), and on the equinox, just hours before the full moon, all of which is important to us.  Because the Christians adopted most of the symbolism from Paganism into Easter and Christmas, it always rubs me the wrong way.    And, btw, Retread, Samhain (Halloween to you muggles) is coming, have you recieved your obligatory "you're going to hell" letter yet?  :-)  It's still early, they have time, but just thought I'd ask. 
    Posted by handfast4me[/QUOTE]


    Sorry, no offense meant at all.   I know that some other religions besides Chritianity regard that week and that time of year as holy, and I didn't want to assume that it would only be an issue for Christians.      

    Besides, it doesn't matter if the bride, groom, and family are not Christian, it could still be an issue for some guests.   My fiance and I are not particularly religious, but getting married Easter weekend is still affecting us because some close friends of ours ARE christian and refuse to be in our wedding party or even show up to the wedding....
    DSC_9275
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  • MikesAngieMikesAngie member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    OP - First you and your FI-to-be need to set a budget that you can realistically afford and then plan your wedding - period.  If you give into your family then you could end up resenting them.

    We started planning before my DH proposed and only told our moms what we were up to because we were afraid they might start planning it for us otherwise.  We had the opposite issue our families couldn't wait for our wedding day. 

    Congratulations, and settle on a budget and start planning the wedding of your dreams that you can afford. 
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  • thealphabridethealphabride
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011

    lovejordan, Congrats on your engagement. You don't have to give up your dream just because it's your second time around!!!
    I as well was married the first time in a courthouse wedding with just the two of us.

    This time around I really wanted a nice elegant affair, with gown, photog, video, reception, dancing, cocktails, everything. We were married last September  I had my dream wedding to my prince and some raised their brows at the thought of a fifty something *GASP! having a wedding but I ignored them and had the wedding I wanted. After a whlie everyone came around and jumped on the bandwagon.

    Like Scarlet said, if they dont' like it, toooooo bad. Have what you and your fiance want and can afford,.

    Many many people have beautiful second weddings with gown, veil and all the trimmings, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it!!!!

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  • renjon7798renjon7798 member
    Ninth Anniversary 500 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    Honey, if you want the full wedding, DO IT!!  My FI wants the full wedding, church, dinner, dancing and all.  At first I had my heart set on something small, but the more I think about it, the more I want just what he does.  (although the joke is that this is more HIS wedding than mine!! lol) 

    Anyway, my mother is freaking out that I am planning a big second wedding.  In my parents opinion,my FI and I shouldn't even get married but "live in sin" for the rest of our lives.  But that's another story.  Point is, do what you and your FI want.  Above all, just make sure you are both on the same page and the rest will fall into place.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Hey Avion, thanks.  I get super-sensitive because of the history of this board, which is a long, boring story.  But I try to ferret out the, uh, well, non-accepting folks right away now, because I'm a bitter old hag.  :-)  You should all feel sorry for my husband. :-P 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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  • handfast4mehandfast4me member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    I still find it amazing how many people do not understand that Paganism is not devil worship.  You actually have to BELIEVE in the devil to worship him.  Samhain, (Halloween) is our new year. 
    image Don't mess with the old dogs; age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.
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