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Wedding Last Night...I'm still in horror

cat1121cat1121
100 Comments
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
One of my cousins got married last night. Her wedding was beautiful, and a great expression of who she is.

I was texting a friend of mine after and said that I saw so-so and the wedding. A few texts later he says...wait...were you at the Smith/Jones wedding and I said yes. Small world.

What he said next shocked me. I asked if he'd been invited (turns out he knew the groom in college) and he said no, but multiple people asked if he wanted to be their plus one...except my aunt didn't send out plus ones to people that weren't in significant relationships.

Is this common? That multiple people would assume that they can bring a plus one? I also heard that 50 people or show didn't RSVP and showed up...at a very expensive, very classy wedding. I'm sending out invitations next week and I'm still sort of dumbfounded.
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Re: Wedding Last Night...I'm still in horror

  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    5000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Some people do assume that, but I'm surprised that so many people would assume they got a guest if they didn't.  As for your RSVP's, expect that there will be many you won't get back.  I was shocked at how many of ours never came back, even from close friends and family.  If people don't respond right away, there is a very good chance that they lose it and/or forget about it.  We had to make so many phone calls and texts and facebook messages trying to get a hold of people it was so frustrating.  We still had a few people that never got back to us no matter how hard we tried, and we just assumed they weren't coming.  Luckily they didn't, but I had nothing set up for them if they did.  We probably should have, but I was so frustrated that they couldn't answer me that I didn't care if they showed up with nowhere to sit.
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  • mwhitson14mwhitson14 member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In my area, weddings are big, family affairs, so inviting someone without a date or without their kids is considered pretty off the wall, so I can see that happening. But I'm sure most places aren't like that; we're just a small town and everybody knows everybody.

    As for the other part of your post, no one showed up that didn't RSVP. We had about 50 that didn't RSVP, and they didn't show. Who knwos if that's common though.
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  • CalumetCalumet
    100 Comments
    50 people didn't RSVP, but showed up anyway? That's the craziest thing I have ever heard. Where did they put them???

    Did the bride/her family call the non-RSVPs to see if they would make it?
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  • KevinMegan1008KevinMegan1008 member
    500 Comments

    We are not until fall 2011 so we havent sent out invites yet.. i do know that i was my sisters MOH and we were getting comments from a lot of people about who they were going to bring for dates(when they werent given a +1) you have to be honest with them and tell them you only gaves dates to people in serious relationships. When we got no responses we gave some of those people dates if they really wanted to but i def would not feel obligated to do this

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  • PharmacyBridePharmacyBride
    500 Comments
    Yes.. not everyone remembers to RSVP - so be sure to call them and politely ask for their response over the phone once your RSVP date has passed.

    As for plus-ones.. yes.. people make assumptions.  In my circle.. everyone always gets invited with a plus one.  If I was to not extend them dates- I would have to make sure everyone understood it was just them invited, because many will flat out assume.

    Our population as a whole has become very relaxed about so many things.  I feel there are a lot of people, especially recent graduates, who simply do not know "guest etiquette."  30 years ago- I feel more people understood what it meant when the invite was addressed to them and them alone.. however.. now-a-days.. I think people make assumptions or don't pay attention to these details.  This is why a lot of people have added things like "Number attending:  ___ of 1"

    I really hope you do not have any of these issues at your wedding!!  Good luck!
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  • damalessdamaless
    100 Comments
    I had a guy invited with his wife who assumed he could bring +2... his parents!  He is just a friend of my dad's who I met last week.  Luckily he decided to call to TELL ME (not ASK) he was bringing +2... so that I could tell him right back that he wasn't.
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  • pinkandbrownpinkandbrown member
    10 Comments

    Two friends just got married, both had at least 15-20 RSVP and didnt' show up.  Then a few that just showed up.   They used a great day of coordinator that dealt the with people that showed up, no escort card, they acted shocked that they didn't have one.  Anyway, the DOC really handled all of that. I'm so using her.  She has a facebook page under Details.... also has some cool pictures of my friends weddings.

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  • cat1121cat1121
    100 Comments
    I'm having a smaller wedding (hopefully around 100) and I'm hoping this doesn't happen with that few people.

    If not, I left myself enough time to call.

    The point about it invitation ettiquette seeming to have gotten lost over time seems to be more and more true.
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  • rotellarotella member
    10 Comments
    When I did our guest list every person who was single (significant other or not) got a "plus one". I thought it would be rude to not give singles a plus one. Nobody wants to go to weddings alone - especially if they dont know a lot of people there. And more especially b/c most of the people there will be a couple. Then the single person feels left out or like a 3rd wheel, if you know what I mean.

    As far as the rsvp thing - if someone on your guest list doesn't rsvp then it's your responsibility to either call them yourselves or have a family member do it, to confirm their attendance.
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  • flutgrl1flutgrl1
    100 Comments
    I would always assume wedding guests get plus ones. Since it is the norm in my circle. People bring dates, flavors of the week, other friends. It is no biggie. I know someone people are not used to those kinds of weddings, but I would not attend w/o a plus one option when I was single.  But I know that is not the norm for all circles (which shocks me but I am glad it doesn't offend some people I guess)
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  • damalessdamaless
    100 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-last-nightim-still-horror?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:f57633b9-70ba-4ea8-9008-3941f69618b8Post:d28b1056-4d03-4520-b8fe-60b6131998b1">Re: Wedding Last Night...I'm still in horror</a>:
    [QUOTE]When I did our guest list every person who was single (significant other or not) got a "plus one". I thought it would be rude to not give singles a plus one. Nobody wants to go to weddings alone - especially if they dont know a lot of people there. And more especially b/c most of the people there will be a couple. Then the single person feels left out or like a 3rd wheel, if you know what I mean. As far as the rsvp thing - if someone on your guest list doesn't rsvp then it's your responsibility to either call them yourselves or have a family member do it, to confirm their attendance.
    Posted by rotella[/QUOTE]

    I gave +1's to single friends who were coming who didn't know anyone, but I did not give +1's to single friends who will be attending as an entire group of friends who all know each other.
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