advice?

shaunnaxoproper · August 2011

Hi guys,
So me and my Fiancee are trying to get married in a year. I'm just kinda freaking out because I'm 19, he'll be home while I'm in school and when I'm out of school he'll be in training, so planing is going to be crazy. He's going into the army and I'm so proud of him and want to help him any way I can but I need advice.

Our families aren't willing to help us much besides my mom lets him stay at our house. I have no idea on anything for weddings nor do I understand the military all that well... I try to go to his future soldiers classes with him to learn more but its sorta just a jumble to me mostly.

Can anyone help me at all? I just need some guidence...

SamiJoeB · August 2011

My advice is to wait. You're 19. You have the rest of your life to be married. Finish school. Let him get adjusted to his new Military life. Just stick to dating for now. You will change more than you know between 19 and 25, and who knows if you and your BF/FI will still be compatible. If you are, Great!! If not, you'll be glad you waited to get married, so then you're not 24 and divorced. Just Wait.

ggirl2001 · August 2011

Ditto Sami.

Also, you might want to take your last name out of your siggy. With that and your bio you give away a lot of info about who you are. That is your first lesson in military life. PERSEC. Read up on PERSEC and OPSEC.

LetsHikeToday · August 2011

I don't want this to sound harsh at all but I would definitely wait. You two can still be a couple but not be married.

Take time for school, give him time for training etc. You can still be together but you don't have to rush to get married.

I am SO GLAD I waited to get married. I'm 29 right now and I am a 100% different person than I was at 19. College changed me and then I changed again when I got out of school and got a job. I still have the same values and morals but I grew up.

If you are still together in a few years, after school, go for it. I just strongly suggest waiting.

YoungDuo · August 2011

I agree with everyone on here. I would wait. Even if it's just til you're 22. People change SO much in their late teens and early 20s. I'm so glad I didn't marry the guy I was dating when I was 19, 21 or even 22. I'm 24 now and FI is 28 and I know we're ready. But if either of us had gotten married when we thought we were ready, we'd both be divorced from those people now. Everyone is different but if you're meant to be together, then you'll still be together in 3 years.

Either way, I hope your families come around. It sucks to not have their support.

SarahP787 · August 2011

I'm sure it's frustrating to keep hearing that you should wait, but I have a couple more resons to add on to the above advice.

You said yourself that between your school and his training your schedules are crazy right now. There will probably never be a "perfect" time to plan, but there's no reason to try it during a particularly hectic time in your lives!

You also said you're not very familiar with the military. Marrying into the military is a whole different ballgame, and I strongly suggest anyone, of any age, be sure they know exactly what they're getting themselves into before they get married. Hearing about it from others is no substitiute for experiencing the impact the military can have on both his life and yours.

I suggest waiting to give yourself (and him!) experience with the Army. Ideally, I'd suggest going through a deployment together before you get married, although I know not all people manage to make that happen.

amh04 · August 2011

I agree with everyone else.
FI and I were dating when I was 19, but let me just say from 17-19 was an entirely different ballgame for me than for most people. That being said, I know how frustrating it is to hear everyone tell you to wait. It kind of gives you this pissed off mentality like, "I'll prove them wrong" you guys might really really know each other, there are plenty of couples who are great together and married at 19. But truth is, you change, not many people understand marriage is WORK. Maintaining a relationship is work. I would really, really suggest at least waiting for him to go through his bootcamp and schooling before getting married, I'd for sure wait through a deployment. We've been through 2 in a very short amount of time, and you know what I've never seen more relationships fail, but you learn how to communicate better, you learn each other better without physically being with one another. Just having basic communication and seperation can do wonders for a relationship.

At least wait it out, you change so much between 19 and 22 it's insane. Some relationships make it past those years, and others don't it's just life. But only you know whats best for you, and only you can really make that choice. Your parents love you and just don't want you to rush into something they don't think your ready for.

iluvmytxrgr · August 2011

From a former soldier's point of view, I recomed you wait until after his training. Wait until he gets to his first duty station. He will go through so much durring that time. He really needs to focus on himself and that training. Take your time. Both of you need to figure out what changes military life will bring to each of you and your relationship before you get married.

YoungDuo · August 2011

When FI and I went for our pre-marital counseling with our preacher, one thing he brought up which we had talked about but actually hearing it from a 3rd party was kind of a wake up call. Being in a marriage and starting out is a big adjustment, however, being a military spouse and having a marriage with one (or both) in the military presents its own challenges. Military marriages run the risk of being apart more than non-military marriages. The work hours can be crazy. There are a few but MAJOR differences. With your young age and all the changes you will more than likely experience over the next 3-5 years, you need to be prepared for what's ahead.

And I agree with PP, I would start familiarizing myself with the military and the lifestyle. It's a different ballgame and you will do nothing but help yourself and your relationship if you do.

calindi · August 2011

As far as learning about the military, just don't be afraid to ask questions! If you hear an acronym and don't know what it means, ask! Google is also your friend. There are tons of books that can give you some information. Try "Married to the Military" - it's a bit basic, but it will give you a lot of overview. If there are any specific questions - about his training, benefits, what life will be like, moving/relocating, having children in the military, balls & parties, getting along and making new friends of other spouses, etc. - we are all happy to help here!

Whether you do get married young or just stay together and wait (which I would also recommend, but won't harp on), you definitely will be in for an adjustment as a military significant other, so keep an open mind and just keep asking questions! No one expects you to know it all right away, and other spouses are usually VERY supportive!

amh04 · August 2011

Yeah, definitely agree with everyone else. Maybe reach out to a few facebook groups for Army S/O's (significant others) and they normally will have a lot of the answers you need for certain things. I bought a book by Mollie Gross recently, and it was hilarious! It's called Confessions of a Military Wife. Not a whole lot about the Army, more or less marine corps but it was definitely easy to relate to for every branch.

jelique7 · August 2011

I would wait until he is out of training at the very least (after his first deployment is better) to get married. You are so young right now there is no need to rush. Maybe move in together and try living with each other first. My bf and I are practically married without the paper so I don't even remember we are not married already. Give him some time to adjust to military life and as he adjusts, you will too. Good luck.

shaunnaxoproper · August 2011

Thank you all for the advice against. I understand your points but its going to happen anyways so thank you.

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