Recently Engaged! Have Questions.. (long)

Re: Recently Engaged! Have Questions.. (long)

• OBX2011 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_recently-engaged-have-questions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:683Discussion:c7fcf255-dada-47f2-9a36-fe2d28167b51Post:5de3c338-f22a-415a-8b75-15ffdd8f3576">Recently Engaged! Have Questions.. (long)</a>:
  [QUOTE]So first of all, he proposed on the 102nd floor observatory of the Empire State Building 2 weeks ago while we were on vacation in New York City! It was very romantic; a very simple proposal and not a big spectacle which I preferred. We have been together for 5 years and although I have tried my best not to pressure him about marriage, I did really want this to happen so I am very, very happy! I have been perusing the community here and everyone seems very nice but also very candid (which is awesome)! I am excited to get some help on setting a date and I'm sorry if this has been asked before... <strong>We have some very close friends that got engaged on New Year's. They are thinking June or July 2013</strong> and I was thinking May or June 2013. What is appropriate here for setting our date? I don't want to offend them by setting our date before they do and then have it be too close to what they wanted. Please help on what the etiquette is here. Thanks!
  Posted by lindanp[/QUOTE]
  
  Congratulations!!  I absolutely love NY City and think it's such an amazing place.
  
  Ummmmm.....why have they been engaged for over 6mths but yet to set an actual date in 2013?  That seems really really strange to me.
  
  Simple:  you pick your date and they pick theirs.  While it's considerate of you to think of them, YOU have to do what is best for you.  If these friends are as close as you say they are, there should be no issue with point blank asking them if they have set their date yet b/c you wanted to make sure they weren't like a week apart or anything.

   

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• Summer2011Bride member

  

  June 2012 edited June 2012

  Congrats!
  
  I would pick the day that works for you, especially if they don't have a date set in stone yet. If they are close enough friends that you want them to be in your WP, I would talk to them, and let them know your date so they don't plan their wedding for the same day. However, I see no reason to not go ahead and plan yours just because they haven't started planning yet.
  
  It also doesn't matter who got engaged first. It sounds like they want a longer engagement, which is fine, but that doesn't mean you have to have one too in order to wed after they do.

  
  
  
  
  

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• michellesean

  

  June 2012

  Congrats!
  
  I agree with pp's.  If you are concerned about upsetting people, just have an open convo with them.  They will appreciate the fact that you are taking their feelings into consideration and it will probably work out fine.
  
  Good luck planning!

  

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• runpipparun member

  

  June 2012

  Yep. Brother Groomzilla got engaged around the time FI and I decided to set a date (FI didn't propose; we just decided to get hitched). Brother and his fiancee have been dating for about 6 years, and we've only been together for about 8 months. I figured this would get ugly...

  
  

  While I felt like my brother had right of first refusal on date setting, they were unable to choose one because of work schedules (she's in television), his inability to decide on church wedding vs. secular ceremony, and his general sluggishness (did I mention it took him 6 years to propose?). On the other hand, FI and I have a regular church we attend and want to be married in and months that work and don't work. So it was easy for us.

  
  

  Brother Groomzilla, FSIL, and FSIL's mom are extremely supportive of our relationship (probably because they thought I'd be an old maid) and were very cool about us choosing a date ahead of them.

  

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• mpaone24 member

  

  June 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_just-engaged-proposals_recently-engaged-have-questions-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:683Discussion:c7fcf255-dada-47f2-9a36-fe2d28167b51Post:5a1626d0-8095-4a19-8ff4-23c31978511c">Re: Recently Engaged! Have Questions.. (long)</a>:
  [QUOTE]In Response to Recently Engaged! Have Questions.. (long) : Congratulations!!  I absolutely love NY City and think it's such an amazing place. <strong>Ummmmm.....why have they been engaged for over 6mths but yet to set an actual date in 2013? </strong> That seems really really strange to me. Simple:  you pick your date and they pick theirs.  While it's considerate of you to think of them, YOU have to do what is best for you.  If these friends are as close as you say they are, there should be no issue with point blank asking them if they have set their date yet b/c you wanted to make sure they weren't like a week apart or anything.
  Posted by OBX2011[/QUOTE]
  
  <div>
  </div><div>My FI and I were engaged for 10 months before we set an actual date.  There's nothing wrong with being engaged and just enjoying it.  No one said that the moment you get engaged you need to set a date, IMO.</div>

  

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• mandi921vh member

  

  June 2012

  Congratulations on your engagement!

  
  

  I would pick a date that works for you, it doesn't matter who got engaged first... however will the guest list overlap causing guests to attend possible OOT weddings close to one another? Will the WP overlap? The only reason I ask is because one of my best friends got engaged a few months after me and originally picked her date 5 months after mine. Then she changed it to about a month from mine. While I didn't care if she got married the weekend after our mutual friends did who were BMs in both weddings.... it was a financial hardship for them having to purchase wedding gifts, bridal shower gifts, BM dresses and other attire for both weddings. 

  

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• lindanp

  

  June 2012

  Thank you so much for the responses! I feel less stressed about his now! We will definitely be having a talk with them about it to work out the dates. Fiance said last night that he will probably ask the other groom to be one of his groomsmen.

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• firsttimersluck member

  

  June 2012

  COngratulations!

  
  

  I agree with PPs. 

  They are your friends, and clearly you care about their feelings.. So just grab drinks or go out to dinner and talk about it. Something along the lines of 

  "Hey... so.. I have always wanted a mAy/June wedding.. but In NO WAY do I want to upset you or make it awkwardly close to yours so you feel uncomfortable. I don't want to "steal your thunder".. Have you guys figured out a date yet, so that we can set ours? Do you feel like that is too close to your time frame? We want to get the ball rolling " 

  
  

  She/they can't be upset that you are considering them so much with your date picking. Inf act, they will probably be very thankful! 

  But ultimately there are only 12 months in the year and most weddings are between June-Sept. She can't be  THAT surprised that you want a spring/summer wedding just like she does.

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