Open Bar all night seriously! (vent)

Re: Open Bar all night seriously! (vent)

• raangoli

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  Indian people are all about "keeping up with the Joneses" and you're completely within your rights to want to have nothing to do with that! 20 -30k on an open bar alone is ridiculous and not needed in my opinion. We had open bar all night and it didn't cost us anywhere near that. I understand that it gets more costly for large numbers (our wedding was 'small' by desi stanards) and if you go top shelf, then it's even more.
  
  Long story short, tell them that they were welcome to have done what they liked for their children's weddings, but they really don't have a say in yours.
  
  Or just don't say anything at all, let them say what they want to say and just do what ever you have decided regardless. You can't please everyone
  

  

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• temurlang member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  If I were your FFIL, I would have been tempted to either thank them for offering to pay for the open bar or made a snide comment about their lack of class (not minding people falling down drunk).  There are lots of ways to manage the bar and it does not need to be anywhere near that high.
  
  People are always willing to spend someone else's money.  It also is a pastime for some aunties to try to make parents feel bad about their child's wedding.  The same aunties used to tell people how their child could already read and was already potty-trained when they were 2 months old and later she'll compare your house to her daughter's.
  
  I think it  worked out really well... you didn't have to be there, but it sounds like your FI has everything under control. 
  

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• SonaliPop member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  Everybody has an opinion of how things should be, but you, your family and his can figure out what it is you want. They have to turn off the outside noise and focus on what you have. In ten years, no one will care if you had all that...and you know you can't afford it and have no use or want for it, so who cares? I am sorry someone thought it was appropriate to intervene, but it was none of their business.

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• MrsBM member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  DFW...Indian people will ALWAYS COMPARE and JUDGE.
  
  As for the open bar situation...Reason with whomever gave you the 'good idea' and tell them that you dont want to spend the money on an open bar.  But b/c indian people like to talk...prepare yourself for the comments...even after your wedding!
  
  I still get it to this day...my parents friends (the aunty's and uncle's I avoid) still make comments about my wedding...and my mother takes the comments feels offended and then puts/blames it on me!  I hate it but I just do my best to ignore it !

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• andamu

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  First of all, 30,000 is ridiculous.  I just calculated the price of open bar at my venue for 400 people, and that only ran to about $16,000.  Maybe they paid premium ... or maybe someone saw them coming and ripped them off?  (Though they sound like they wouldn't mind a bad deal in exchange for getting to tell people they spent a lot.) 
  
  Secondly, about the ritual, we are doing a post-wedding puja the day after our wedding too.  I think we're starting puja at 10:30, so that means that I'll have to be up by 6 or 7 to get ready, do my hair and makeup, all of that.  And I don't think I'll be back from the reception until 1 or 2 in the morning ... it means a lot to FI's mom, and I want to do it, but just thinking about it makes me tired.
  

  
  

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• temurlang member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_south-asian-weddings_open-bar-night-seriously-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:430Discussion:29ba37ca-4015-44a9-9f7a-8da1330c2dccPost:91133ce5-11e1-4f3b-93fe-693eafa58147">Re: Open Bar all night seriously! (vent)</a>:
  [QUOTE]<font color="#000080">DFW...Indian people will ALWAYS COMPARE and JUDGE.</font> As for the open bar situation...Reason with whomever gave you the 'good idea' and tell them that you dont want to spend the money on an open bar.  But b/c indian people like to talk...prepare yourself for the comments...even after your wedding! I still get it to this day...<font color="#000080">my parents friends (the aunty's and uncle's I avoid) still make comments about my wedding...and my mother takes the comments feels offended and then puts/blames it on me!  I hate it but I just do my best to ignore it !</font>
  Posted by MrsBM[/QUOTE]
  
  LOL not just Desi people, everybody has these people in their circle!  The ones that consistently make your mom feel bad and yet for some reason she insists on still being friends with them!  Being in a tight community just makes it worse.

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• MrsBM member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  temurlang - yes you are right...It's just Human Nature I suppose!

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• kpwedkk member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  My eyes went wide and I'm in shock! $20 to 30k for a bar for one night? I'd rather put it towards a house!!
  
  We found a bartender service that set up two bars, open for 6 hours, provided them with their list of beverages, ice, cups, straws, etc and it wasn't more than $3500!  And we went to Costco/Sam's Club!!!!  We had to just have licensed bartenders! 
  
  Wow!
  

  
  "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the heart." ~ Miss K ~
  

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• jessie23Wed209743 member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  one thing i learned to say was "we'll look into it". It makes them feel like what they want is important whether it is or not lol. For our wedding had had "medium shelf". We found out later they didn't have some of the whiskeys the Indian men wanted so my BIL slipped the bartender a hundred and alluva sudden they had that whiskey for them.$20-30k is an absurd amount for liquor. That had to have been top shelf....it's not necessary. We told our catering manager we weren't going to pay for a certain percent of the bar bill (what you pay ahead of time) because indian women don't drink. They didn't know any better and they took $2k off and just told us if we went over we'd have to pay after the wedding. Seemed fair to us.
  
  Hope all works out well for you

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• bridetobeee member

  

  March 2011 edited December 2011

  Don't worry about what they think. It's your wedding, do what you want. Say you'd rather pay $20K for a down payment on a house. The house will last a lifetime but the wedding day lasts just one day.

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