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I really need help y'all *sensitive*

MissusD1116MissusD1116 member
1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
in African American Weddings
Okay, this is how all these crazy emothions started....

so yesterday after church, FI and I went and looked at a house that one of my deacons and his wife recently constructed( we have an awesome relationship with them, the wife is my attorney!). The house is gorgeous y'all! It would be perfect for us. Anywho, FI is in love with it and so on.....

I for one think the price is a bit steep for us right now, but who knows, and I'm sure they would be willing to wiggle with us a bit. We eventually know we WILL become homeowners, even it's it's not that particular house. So with that being said, all the wheels in my head started turning...I guess since I've always wanted a traditional wedding with flowers, church, bridesmaids, etc....I never really explored other options...FI could have it either way BUT, if he can save some money, his THRIFTY butt will at all costs! LOL!

I know sometimes a destination wedding can be steep too, but I wouldn't have to deal with all the extra stuff and it would be us and like maybe 10 other people. My wedding is 18 mos away and I can still make changes if need be, I do have a venue (deposit paid) and my dress deposit has been paid for. I have made other small purchases but not overboard. I would still get my dress though because I absolutely love HER!

The bottom line is...I come to this conclusion....if I go with a destination wedding, I have the potential to save thousands and get into a home quicker AND move my wedding date up. Or, keep with my wedding plans i have going now, wait 18 mos and even longer to get into a home...


What are you guys' thoughts??? I really need feedback..
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Re: I really need help y'all *sensitive*

  • staten2012staten2012
    100 Comments
    I have this same dilemma. I have fertility issues so for me to conceive a baby it's going to be COSTLY. FI and I already know this going in but we were talking this morning about it more in-depth and I started to feel guilty about even having the smal wedding we are having. I started to feel like going to the JoP would be better but then I realized, life is too precious and NOTHING is guaranteed. So we are going to proceed with the wedding and ask GOD to take care of the rest. If he blesses us with a baby so be it. If not, we will have one another and just consider other options.
    But in your case you have a lot of time on your hands to make changes. I would talk to the Deacon and his wife first and feel them out. Then I would sit down with FI and talk and pray with him about it.

    You can still have the wedding of your dreams on any budget but I wouldn't make any changes until I at least talk to the Deacon and get some paperwork in place. Owning the home AND having your dream wedding might both be feasible.

    Best of Luck Sis!!! :)
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  • staten2012staten2012
    100 Comments
    but to answer YOUR question....lol (since I didn't do that)
    I would go with option #1. Destination wedding and save up.
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  • Strv2perfectionStrv2perfection
    100 Comments
    Destination wedding and save money
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  • MissusD1116MissusD1116 member
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    Aww! Staten! Love ya! I know that GOD will make a way out of no way for you and us! I we will have to do some praying..but even if it's not my deacon's house iit will be another one. Thanks strv2! Short and sweet! LOL
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  • staten2012staten2012
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    LOL..yes Sis love ya too...this board is full of true sisterhood here. And these choices are HARDDDDD to make alone. God never closes a door...without opening another. Believe it Sis!
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  • Yolie1098Yolie1098
    100 Comments
    I'm doing a destination wedding in the US and it is truly less stress.  I'm getting everything I want including saving money.  I say go with what you truly want, do u really want the big wedding or think you should get the big wedding?  You still can get everything you want in a destination wedding.  Destination weddings are less people which equals less money.  Think about who you really want and need at your wedding and go from there. 
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  • thedivavthedivav member
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    We are doing a destination wedding and saving for a house
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  • MissusD1116MissusD1116 member
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    I was thinking of sandals or one of the other resorts some the other ladies mentioned like the RIU's
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  • thedivavthedivav member
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    Research the countries policies on getting married in that country
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  • MissusD1116MissusD1116 member
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    @thedivav I'm doing that as we speak! LOL! Cause I gotsta know!
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  • 20pearls1620pearls16 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    edited June 2012
    I had the same situation the first time around. I wanted a sit down, platted dinner etc. Then (just like you) I saw a house that I wanted. I fgured I can't live at the reception hall so I cut back, had a buffet lunch reception and cut back some other things. I saved 5K! I used that as my down payment and got my first house! I was 20 years old.

    My only caution to you about a destination wedding is to make sure it includes everything you want. A lot of places charge you up on the extras and then you end up spending more that you would have spent having it at home. You can work with your venue you already have to tailor the cost.  Have a daytime wedding vs. an evening wedding. Have it on Friday or Sunday instead of Saturday. That's what we did to keep the cost down this time. Good luck!!!!!

    One more thing! If this house is "your house" they may be open to renting it to you until you are able to purchase it. I know how it is when you find "your house". In this market nobody is turning down rent to let a house sit unsold. 
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  • footballwife77footballwife77 member
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    I say go with what is in your heart. I also agree with 20pearls that if you decide to do it here there are numerous ways to cut back and save $$$!
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  • keyaira04keyaira04 member
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    Agree with 20pearls. I have always said, it was house over wedding. 
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  • M1ssJM1ssJ member
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    I'm not in your business but.....

    1) it might be cheaper (down payment wise) to buy a house while you're single , combined inncome = less assistance. Are you purchashing your dream home now or a home to build equity and then move to a bigger house?

    2) If you have a vision , I would stick to it. Or if you would be ok with a destination wedding and a reception renewal down the road?


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  • missqueensmissqueens member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Comments
    My FI and I were originally planning a Wedding in NYC for 2011. As the costs got steeper and steeper, we started to re-think about where this wedding fit into our Life plans.  Of COURSE, being married is on top of the list, but, we started to consider the importance of a NYC wedding vs, buying a house, having a baby, traveling a LOT, getting rid of my 10 year old car, etc.  Eventually, the money to be spent for a  NYC wedding didn't make sense.
    SO, we switched to a Destination wedding in Jamaica! Cool

      It is true, that the planning can be much easier. However, if you are like me, it is unnerving to leave so many details into the hands of someone else (my hotel wedding coordinator). Also, it has been challenging to adjust to "island time" when it comes to vendors returning my phone calls, e-mails, etc.

    Honestly, I am VERY excited and can't wait to hit the island. BUT.... I do want you to consider that a destination wedding WILL mean that some or many of your loved ones will not be able to go.  I have tried to get over the disappointment of knowing that most of my family and some of my friends just Can't fly to an island to be with us, but it has not been easy. 

     If  Tradition is important to you (home church, limos,  lots of bridesmaids, etc.) a destination wedding may not be for you. Also if it is important to you to be surrounded by all your friends and family on your day, don't do a destination wedding.  While you can get most things that you want in a Destination wedding,  the absence of many family and friends is a deterrent for some.


    I don't regret the decision to have a Destination wedding.  However, you have to assess, think, pray and meditate on what is important for Your wedding.  There are many options to make a home wedding cheaper, there may be options for becoming a homeowner sooner rather than later.  Consider them ALL, then follow your heart.

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  • MissusD1116MissusD1116 member
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    Thank all y'all for the input, let me shed just a bit of light.... We are both military vets so, even though it's good to have cash available( which we will have) for closing, reserve,etc...it's not a requirement @m1ssj This home would be something to start out in. Of course depending on what we get, we plan to be in it a good while though. I got a lot of thinking to do ladies! But I'm glad that you guys have my back! It's like, I want a wedding with my FAM and friends, but I want a freaking house too! Dagnabbit! LOL! And don't want to go broke behind a wedding. I'm just thinking beyond the glitz and glamour though because we will have to live after the wedding. Also, my granny may not make it , she can't ride too long on the plane, so destination wouldn't be too far
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  • mejai1mejai1
    500 Comments
    Can you scale down the wedding to the people that you REALLY love and want to be there and still save for the house? If I had to make a quick vote, I'd go with destination and save for a house, but there are definitely budget options. :) 


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  • HardyLove222HardyLove222 member
    100 Comments
    I had the same situation (more about grad school {law for me and accounting for him} and saving for a house in the future). I came to the conclusion that we will have a very small and "intimate wedding" no more than 40 (close to thirty lol) people. My grandma is making our cake and a friend of the family is cooking the food. Either my pastor is going to be the officiant or we are just going to the JOP.

    In the end, you don't want to compromise so much that you look back and regret it. What's most important is that you are marrying the love of your life right?

    I hope you make the right choice for you and your future hubby. Keep us updated :)
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