Writing your own vows?

ChrissyDipi · May 2010

I was reading that typically Catholic priests do not allow you to write your own vows. I haven't had the opportunity to meet with our priest about this but I was wondering ... Anyone who is getting married in a Catholic church, are you writing your own vows??

I really want to but I am starting to think my priest won't let us.

ring_pop · May 2010

My priest gave us the option but we chose to use the traditional vows. Really, I think he was just giving us permission to wordsmith the traditional vows, because he did tell us that if we wanted to write our own, at least keep the components of the traditional vows.

agapecarrie · May 2010

In order to have a sacramental marriage, or even a valid marriage, a Catholic must have the correct form and matter. Just like the priests can't change the words when consecrating the Eucharist, just like baptism must be done with the correct words, a marriage must have the correct words as given in the "Rite of Marriage". It can be question form, repeated, or recitation, but the correct words must be there.

If a priest would allow one to change the words, that is extremely dangerous as the marriage could not be valid.

It's actually very beautiful, as we are one church, and we share the same rituals and vows as all other Catholics (in the latin rite). One does the same vows that others have through time, in union with each other.

[Deleted User] · May 2010

Nope, weren't even given the option. And I am just fine with it that way. I agree with agapecarrie . The Catholic ceremony is very beautiful and has a lot of rituals involved, so nothing else is really needed.

mbcdefg · May 2010

Our priest gave us the option to write our own vows and read them to each other before we recited the traditional vows. But like Ring Pop said, they had to follow a certain format (there had to be "good" and "bad" elements to them, so something like, "In sunshine or in shadow" for example).

We opted to skip the custom vows, though, because we weren't comfortable reading such personal words in front of everyone. We just read the traditional vows off of index cards.

ChrissyDipi · May 2010

Thanks for the help ladies. I think I might just have to put what I wrote for vows in a card and give it to him with his gift if the priest doesn't allow us to write our own. That might be a good idea. I do think that the Catholic vows are beautiful, but at the same time I want to express my love and feelings for him in my own words as well.

Theresa626 · May 2010

Chrissy, sometimes priests will allow you to read a letter to your fiance before the vows. Ask him about it and see if he will approve what you've written.

CourtneyJ2010 · May 2010

Yes, in the together for life book it actually talks about a prayer after the vows that you are supposed to write yourself and recite. Our priest didn't ask us about this but we didn't want to do it anyway so we didn't ask either but this might be an option for something like that.

unplainjane · May 2010

i thought i remember our priest telling us that we can write something ourselves to say when we exchanged rings.

Myroni03 · May 2010

the deacon that is marrying us told us if there were any special words we wanted to say we should say them at the reception.... i think i may talk to him again about this b/c i think it would be nice to have something extra said (I'm not Catholic and I've always wanted to have some nice personal vows as well)

futurepivko · May 2010

we are having a Catholic wedding, and considered writing our own vows....we weren't told "yes you can" or "no you cant", but I do agree with several PPs, that the Catholic rituals are rituals for a reason.

If you are starting to think that the Priest won't let you, dont push it.

samurai21 · May 2010

In the couples for life book they have an optional couple prayer that our priest really recommends couples to do, so we took it and made it our own.

I'm still going to be sending him a card before the wedding with more intimate and personal notes because like PP's, I'd rather keep the ceremony more traditional and share some things with just FI, but we're also pretty private in general.

LindsayB0505 · May 2010

We were abel to write out own "vows" that we read to each other after the traditional vows. The only stipulation was that we had to give a copy to the priest ahead of time for him to okay.

clearheavens · June 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_writing-own-vows?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:615Discussion:80f75247-7333-457e-b884-6a3a3e958276Post:fcb9f9e8-a194-4170-9a38-9ee51fa73a16">Re: Writing your own vows?</a>:
[QUOTE]In order to have a sacramental marriage, or even a valid marriage, a Catholic must have the correct form and matter. Just like the priests can't change the words when consecrating the Eucharist, just like baptism must be done with the correct words, a marriage must have the correct words as given in the "Rite of Marriage". It can be question form, repeated, or recitation, but the correct words must be there. If a priest would allow one to change the words, that is extremely dangerous as the marriage could not be valid. It's actually very beautiful, as we are one church, and we share the same rituals and vows as all other Catholics (in the latin rite). One does the same vows that others have through time, in union with each other.
Posted by agapecarrie[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I agree totally.

</div>

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