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Prenups/Future Best Man issues

phishnwithmoephishnwithmoe
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in Just Engaged and Proposals
My FI had told his (best) friend- who we will call Joe- who he possibly will ask to be best man, that he planned on proposing, right after he had bought the ring. Later on, my FH told me his best friend, along with another "friend" well call Mike (who just graduated from law school...my FI isn't close with Mike) said that he should get a prenup. My FI is finishing up dental school- to which I supported him through (emotionally and financially). We never discussed prenups before- and I am not against them- though I was pretty insulted, as was my FI, especially since this isn't a friend suggesting it- it is an attorney who we aren't close with. My FI laughed it off and we haven't discussed it since. He doesn't want a prenup- since he thinks its condoning divorce. He said he sees no reason for him to protect his money- since he feels I have earned part of that income through my support. I told him that was sweet- and I would agree to a prenup if he really wanted one. Anyway..

In addition to this whole prenup thing, "Joe" said he didn't think that my FI and I should get married because we were rushing (we have been together 2 years, and living together for a year- and plan on getting married in 2014.. for a total of 5 years of being together!!!). However, Joe said if he did plan on proposing- to wait until he was around so he can celebrate.... WTF?! How do I tell  my FI that "Joe" needs a girlfriend and a life- and other plans the night of the wedding! (Kind of kidding on that last part.) Help me with some "playing nice" ladies!! 
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Re: Prenups/Future Best Man issues

  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    That was extremely rude of the BM and this guy to suggest a prenup, as it is none of their business. WP members support the couple and support the fact they are getting married. It doesn't sound like the BM is BM material... Typically you shouldn't choose your WP members until about 9-12 months before the wedding because unless your FI is ready to end his friendship with the BM, he will remain in your WP...

    Having a prenup is a personal decision that is for the couple to make.
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  • rlavachrlavach member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    Ignore this guy. If he's an attorney, perhaps he's suggesting the prenup so that he can do it and receive the lawyer fees? 

    We also dealt with people telling my fiance when, how and where to propose to me. Like somehow they have the right to determine that. They also wanted us to go to their home after to celebrate. Um, no. A proposal is a private affair, in my books, and I don't want to be ambushed with a big party after. 

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  • goobersinlovegoobersinlove member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    How rude and annoying.  The attorney probably thought he was being helpful with legal advice, but it's not helpful if it wasn't solicited.

    What you and FI need to do - next time someone makes a suggestion like that - is firmly (but politely as you can), say something to the effect of, "Thanks for the suggestion, but we're doing XYZ..." and change the subject.

    Rude Person: "You guys should get a prenup because blah blah blah..."
    You or FI: "Thanks for your concern, but we've decided not to do that."
    Rude Person: "Don't you understand how much danger you're putting yourself in?!" (which is rarely the case, btw)
    You or FI: "We've made an informed decision, thank you. Hey did you catch the game last night?"

    Rude Person: "Aren't you guys rushing this marriage thing?"
    You or FI: "That is SUCH an interesting opinion. What do YOU think we should do instead?"
    ***Putting the ball back in their court like this should be enough for someone to get the hint that they asked a really rude and judgmental question. But if they are actually narcissistic enough to explain what they think you should do...
    You or FI: "Oh - I'll just change my plans then.  And from now on I'll make sure to ask you next time I make a big decision to be sure I do it right."

    Luckily, we've run into minimal rudeness from people since our engagement.  The rudest thing we've gotten are a lot of "I better be invited!!" but so far no one telling us how we should do things.
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  • ksbennettksbennett member
    First Comment
    I always thought prenups were just about divorce and who gets what, but I recently learned in my finance class that prenups also help when it comes to debt...if you have any debts, a prenup helps your fiance in the sense that none of your financial problems will become his responsibility. And vice versa.

    No one expects to get divorced (obviously) when they get married...but I don't have a problem with my fiance and I doing one. I wouldn't want to be held responsible for any debt he may come into and I certainly wouldn't want him to be responsible for any debts I may acquire.

    I am going into real estate so I know that if anything were to happen to my fiance, I will be able to support myself, therefore, I find a prenup to not be that big of a deal. Plus, you have the ability to set the standards/guidelines.

    It's not any else's right to give that type of input though...that is something that should be just between you and your future spouse. I'm very open about all the plans for my wedding but when it comes to finances, I like to keep that private.
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