Do I still have a shower?

superheroprincess · September 2010

Fi and I have been together 8 years, living together 7 and owned our own house for 4 years (we're only 27). We don't have fancy things, our dishes come from wal-mart, 10 year old toaster, nothing really in the way of decoration....

My boss told me the other day that I can't have a shower and if I do I'm only in it for the gifts and it's rude since we've been together so long.

What's your opinion?

slubkin · September 2010

1) You don't host your own shower. If someone throws one for you, then that's up to them.

2) Your boss is rude to phrase it to you that way. If you're anything like FI and me, then you have a ton of mismatched or broken or worn out stuff that you'd love to replace with something nicer, but just can't justify the cost. These are the kind of things you should put on your registries.

waltzingmatilda13 · September 2010

Your boss is wrong. You can still have a shower and it's a great way to upgrade all the stuff you already have. Just make sure it's hosted by somebody else, cause otherwise it does look like you just want gifts.

quotequeen · September 2010

How long you've been together has no bearing on whether you can have a shower. I would recommend not talking about wedding things with your boss.

banana468 · September 2010

Sounds like you need to not talk wedding details with your boss.

superheroprincess · September 2010

Thanks Girls!

I'm not planning on hosting my own shower, but I know my sister (MOH) and my Mom are planning on hosting one for me. After my boss made that comment I started worrying about how it would look having a shower even though we've been together so long.

It came up because my Boss' daughter got married a few months ago and she said that her daughter isn't having a shower because they've been together so long... and I said that I was
She has some pretty crazy ideas (we also disagreed because she said her ex husband isn't walking her daughter down the aisle until he gives her $X because parents should be paying most of the wedding, even though her daughter makes good money and her FI is a successful business owner), I try to ignore her...

Galaxy8227 · September 2010

There is no reason why you can't you have a shower. How long you've been together has no bearing on being a bride, and what activities your BP and family can throw for you.

retro_bride09 · September 2010

Your boss is a douche.

redeyes_10_04 · September 2010

If your boss has that attitude he/she doesn't need to be invited to any of your wedding activities. You definitely don't want someone like that putting a dark mood over your happiness!

Have a shower! My brother's wife was almost 40 when they got married this past summer and she had 2 showers and no one thought anything about it.

knottie53daf9dde994016c · September 2010

Wow your boss is a jerk! I think you should have a shower and maybe do a honeymoon registry instead of an item one.

strlzfan11 · September 2010

I'm guessing that your boss is probably someone who has very old-fashioned thinking in the sense that the purpose of a shower is to provide the bride & groom with the essentials to start their life together because once upon a time a bride went from her daddy's house straight to her husband's house and had nothing with which to do so. Since you & your FI have lived together as long as you have it is safe to assume that you do not need these things. I can see where your boss is coming from and might agree to some degree, but to actually say it to someone's face is something I would never do, which is the part that I think is rude in the whole situation.

Ultimately it is up to you whether or not you have a shower since only you can accept or decline the offer to have one thrown in your honor, but if I were you I'd ask around a little bit to see if other people feel this way too.

trix1223 · September 2010

Your boss is a mean old grinch. Tell him to MHOB.

trix1223 · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b5e7a3e8-8a60-41aa-9191-287360a517baPost:8a1eeafc-b1d1-42f8-9804-b02245f17abc">Re: Do I still have a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Wow your boss is a jerk! I think you should have a shower and<strong> maybe do a honeymoon registry instead of an item one.</strong>
Posted by LordandLadyLombardi[/QUOTE]

No. Just no.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

WHAT!!! You have your shower and ROCK OUT!! That is so rude and CRAZY!!!!

meima · September 2010

Sounds like FI and I. We got engaged after being together for 10 years, and having lived together for 2 (will be nearly 4 by the time we get married). We'll have been together almost 12 years on our wedding day (we're only 27 and 28 too!)

I wasn't going to register anywhere, because I was of the same mind frame as your boss, until I talked to FMIL. She works at a store with a great registry program, and encouraged us to go and have fun, register for stuff as upgrades, stuff we wouldn't normally buy for ourselves. We did, and if we get something, great. If not, no big deal

She intends to use the registry for Christmas and birthday gifts too.

Enjoy it the shower, and then enjoy starting the newest chapter of your lives without worrying if the 4 year old blender is going to last through that next smoothie!

RavenBeautie · September 2010

My fiance and I have lived together for 2 years and we had a shower. There is no reason why you shouldn't have one. And of course you want gifts. That is why you register for what you want, and that is why that call it a Bridal Shower. It is the day they shower the bride with gifts. Don't feel bad about it. Your boss is a douche. Your shower is the time for close girlfriends and the women in your family to get together and make you feel special. Feel special

) You deserve it. The boss doesn't need to be invited

AerikaAwright · September 2010

My fiance and I have been living together for the past year, we've been living on our own before then so we have a lot of stuff most of it completely mismatched. We also have a lot of doubles of things that ren't hugh quality. I look forward to overhauling our kitchen after the wedding, I am having a shower and I didn't even about the idea that we shouldn't have a shower because of that fact. My mom and BM's are throwing me a shower and I'm totally ok with that. Just because you live together doesn't mean you don't have things you need to upgrade or things you don't have. Also it's true the point of a shower is to shower the bride with gifts. I have registered for a lot of things that I don't have and have been making do without. You boss sounds stupid and I feel sorry for her daughter not having a shower. I don't think they are required, but I think they are a lot of fun for everyone, and it's stupid that she would even say that.

Lisa50 · September 2010

I think that, if someone offers to host a shower for you, you should gracefully and gratefully accept ... and make sure your boss isn't on the guest list. Enjoy!

TiffanyR02 · September 2010

Definately have a shower. At my future sister inlaw's shower she asked for home depot and lowes gift cards so she could remodel her house because she was with her FI for a long time, too. I thought it was a great idea. She even had a wishing well at hers. I say go for it!!

emillee21 · September 2010

Who cares what your boss thinks. It doesnt matter how long you have been together, registar for what you want and dont worry about what your boss thinks!

superheroprincess · September 2010

Thanks everyone! I feel a whole lot better now!

mcornelissen · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:b5e7a3e8-8a60-41aa-9191-287360a517baPost:ab7293ce-2f18-4fc7-9034-8f3e9817db7d">Re: Do I still have a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Definately have a shower. At my future sister inlaw's shower she asked for <strong>home depot and lowes gift cards</strong> so she could remodel her house because she was with her FI for a long time, too. I thought it was a great idea. She even had a wishing well at hers. I say go for it!!
Posted by TiffanyR02[/QUOTE]

I like this. I was at a shower a few weeks ago and the MOH even requested lingerie gift cards from some of the guests. I liked the idea.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:b5e7a3e8-8a60-41aa-9191-287360a517baPost:5ade22a8-e39c-4c12-bb06-8d718cc7f9fd">Do I still have a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Fi and I have been together 8 years, living together 7 and owned our own house for 4 years (we're only 27). We don't have fancy things, our dishes come from wal-mart, 10 year old toaster, nothing really in the way of decoration.... My boss told me the other day that I can't have a shower and if I do I'm only in it for the gifts and it's rude since we've been together so long. What's your opinion?
Posted by superheroprincess[/QUOTE]

You absolutely should have a shower! The length of time you've been together does not matter... and there are so many different types of showers you can have... I was actually watching... I believe it was Amazing Cakes...and one couple had a Pantry Shower... each guest was asked to bring gifts for a Pantry, (canned goods, etc).... but even if you have a traditional shower and register for gifts, no one has the right to say that 'you're just in it for the gifts...'

Now, I'll pose this question to everyone... My best friend has been with her 'fiance' for 11 years and they are planning to get married sometime next year... they 'own' a house but her 'fiance' hasn't worked a day in the 11 years they've been together... AND they have a 10 year old daughter... For a million reasons I feel that she shouldnt even be marrying this jerk! but if she does go through with it... I refuse to host (I'm supposed to be her MOH) a shower for her... and one of her other bridesmaids has agreed with me! Opinions??

mysticl · September 2010

UM the whole point of a shower is to "shower" the bride with gifts. So by that token yes you are in it for the gifts..............as is every other bride having a shower. What does your boss think is going on at the showers of people who don't live together? They are all gift giving/receiving events. If someone wants to throw you a shower and you want to have one then go for it.

Lyz: Maybe I'm reading this wrong but I get the impression that you want to decline hosting the shower because you don't support the marriage. In that case you should maybe consider declining the offer of MOH. It's really not fair to your friend for you to stand up there and not be supportive of the marriage.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:34Discussion:b5e7a3e8-8a60-41aa-9191-287360a517baPost:10f79c8a-ff3f-410b-848b-414bdd704c2b">Re: Do I still have a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Lyz: Maybe I'm reading this wrong but I get the impression that you want to decline hosting the shower because you don't support the marriage. In that case you should maybe consider declining the offer of MOH. It's really not fair to your friend for you to stand up there and not be supportive of the marriage.
Posted by mysticl[/QUOTE]

Mystic: I apologize... you are correct but I didnt fully explain myself... When she decides to approach us again and let us know when she is actually getting married we are both going to let her know how we feel, again, and tell her that we can not stand up for her... it may seem mean but of course there is so much more to the story... I just wanted to know everyones opinion in regards to a person in this situation even having a shower... Sorry for the confusion... <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-embarassed.gif" border="0" alt="Embarassed" title="Embarassed" />

phut_action · September 2010

<div>I totally agree with PPs about you having a shower and your boss's attitude, except for:</div>In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_registering-gifts_still-shower?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:34Discussion:b5e7a3e8-8a60-41aa-9191-287360a517baPost:08480233-251b-4e4b-ad25-8491bf66a631">Re: Do I still have a shower?</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't do a honeymoon registry. They're a request for cash, and therefore rude.
Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

<div>Its not a request for cash, its a request for a honeymoon, and its not rude at all. As a guest, if thats what the couple wants then thats what I want to give. If a couple already has all their housewares, wouldn't it be more rude to register for a bunch of STUFF you plan on returning for cash or store credit?</div><div>
</div><div>If you want items, register for items. If you want a honeymoon, register for a honeymoon. </div><div>
</div>

Sonita12 · September 2010

That's the silliest thing I've heard. Of course you can have a shower as long as it's hosted by someone else. So many couples start lives together before officially getting married. And along the lines of traditions being broken, registries are no longer just about household items, you register for whatever you and your FI want. If you want a pair of mountain bikes go for it!

knottief7f08860652a16bf · September 2010

you don't have a shower unless someone offers to have one for you, someone else hasto initiate it, or yes, you would be just "in it for the gifts/money." Obviously your boss isn't going to throw you one, but if anyone else does you can graciously accept.

Do I still have a shower?

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