Am I Crazy (table assignments)

rcpm44 · April 2010

Ok, we are having our wedding at a winery on a Saturday evening. We will be having a sit down dinner, but it will more than likely be a buffet. Everything I've read has said that while I may not need to do seating assignments I do however, need to do table assignments. When I mentioned this to my father and FMIL they both thought I was crazy. FMIL never had heard of this and wondered how people would know where to sit (duh...a seating chart) and my father said he didn't think that the wedding was going to be that formal. But it's not a matter of formality or not is it? So, basically I want to know am I crazy for thinking that this needs to be done? Am I making more work for myself than necessary? Is anyone else having a buffet dinner and not doing numbers? I need some input please!

juliebug1997 · April 2010

Why do you need to do table assignments?

At ours, we just had one reserved table for us, the bridal party and our parents. We let everyone else sit where they wanted.

bsn1752 · April 2010

I say, it's your wedding! Do it if you want. I think that it will definitely help with organization though. I'm having a buffet and doing a seating chart.

Tiffany618 · April 2010

I feel the same as you do about this one...and I'm not sure I have the answer. (Doing the same buffet dinner, etc.)

I was not originally planning to do them, but someone mentioned it was an inconvenience to guests to try to sit with their families and friends and save seats, blah blah. So I decided to do it.

Well, now several people have voiced that they find it annoying and think people will want to choose where they sit.

I give up.

(yes, I realize this was probably no help to you at all.....but just know that you are not alone!)

shortgirltx · April 2010

We had a buffet and didn't assign tables. It worked out fine but we did set up a couple of extra tables just in case and they went unused.

I've been to 3 weddings and only one had assigned tables...the rest were sit wherever.

ChocolateDelight · April 2010

No, you are not crazy. It is your wedding and you are allowed to make crazy decisions.

We are having a buffet dinner with assigned table placement. My mother will be incharge of making the table assignments. I decided to do table assignments as a way to control the guest list and also make sure that people RSVP on time. Our invitation list was and is getting out of hand with over 400 names. Therefore, I needed to regain control and let my guest responsible for making it onto the guest list. On our wedding website, it is stated that since we are doing assigned seating, only the first 250 people who RSVP will be put on the guest list. So, first come, first serve. After we get 250 RSVP via mail and/or online, the RSVP function on our website will be shutdown.

But hey my approach may not work for everyone. After all, I am a control freak and I don't believe in leaving things to happenstance.

fallbride1109 · April 2010

I had a buffet and I did table assignments. To me, it just seemed more organized. You get your card, see where you are sitting and head straight there. No standing in the middle of the ballroom going, Hmmmm, where do we want to sit? I had a few couples that weren't going to know anyone else and I wanted them with people I knew they would enjoy sitting with. But I had a pretty formal wedding. It's totally your call.

Mariah09202008 · April 2010

I had a buffet and did not do table or seating assignments. I can see where it would be good to group people at tables where they know other people...but we only had 100 guests and I wanted people to sit wherever they wanted. We only did 2 reserved tables for our families everything else was open to whomever.

stephl3055 · April 2010

I had a buffet and had assigned tables. I've been to weddings before with no assigned tables and I find it awkward trying to figure out where to sit if you don't know a lot of people there. I didn't want my guests to have to stand there and try to find someone they knew before they could sit down.

I also had a few guests that knew no other people at the wedding, so I seated them together so that they would have something in common at least. But it's completely up to you. If you have the time to do the seating chart and it's not going to add more stress to your planning, then go for it.

Bobbysprncss · April 2010

I'm having a buffet and doing table assignments. I want people to sit with other people that they know and not have to try to find enough seats together. I also have 2 family members who don't get a long so I want them to be as far apart as possible (just in case, lol).

rcpm44 · April 2010

Thanks ladies. My thinking is similar to some of yours. I want my guests that only know a few people to sit with people they know. Also, there are some family on FI's side that my family doesn't like and vice versa and would hate for them to end up sitting at the same table. I think I'm going to go ahead and do it just to avoid any awkward situations. Thank you!

juliebug1997 · April 2010

I understand about the two concerns: relatives that don't get along and people who might not know a lot of other people there. However, my IL's didn't sit with her family and the few people who were there and only really knew us managed to find each other and had a great time at the wedding. IMO, 99.5% of the people who come to a wedding are going to behave because they know and understand that someone's wedding isn't the place to air dirty laundry and they can act like adults for a few hours. PS: I knew one of my uncles would probably be part of the .5% that couldn't control themselves and I didn't invite him. I didn't do it because I trusted everyone coming to our wedding. However I do understand about wanting to be in control. I just decided this was something I was going to let go of.

shortgirltx · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_am-crazy-table-assignments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:102Discussion:80c520ff-03ab-4bb3-9428-ada2e9fda3d0Post:0e73e48f-0578-48bc-9558-bd1314798ca5">Re: Am I Crazy (table assignments)</a>:
[QUOTE] Also, there are some family on FI's side that my family doesn't like and vice versa and would hate for them to end up sitting at the same table.
Posted by rcpm44[/QUOTE]

This is precisely why I didn't do one...way too many dynamics. I would hope that they would have enough knowledge not to sit with them if they don't get along AND to know this isn't the place, like Julie said.

Mariah09202008 · April 2010

Ditto Julie and shortgirl on people who don't like each other not sitting at the same table. If it were me and there were only 2 seats left and all the other tables were full and I had to choose between standing and eating or sitting at a table with someone I didn't get along with, I'm not gonna lie-I'd stand. No big deal, I just choose not be around people I can't stand.

emimayor · April 2010

Chocolate - if thats how you're doing your RSVP list, then why even invite that many people? Don't you want all of the people you invited to be there?

Mariah09202008 · April 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_texas-dallas-ft-worth_am-crazy-table-assignments?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:102Discussion:80c520ff-03ab-4bb3-9428-ada2e9fda3d0Post:e2f72102-9804-4394-a392-d6be779fee2c">Re: Am I Crazy (table assignments)</a>:
[QUOTE]Chocolate - if thats how you're doing your RSVP list, then why even invite that many people? Don't you want all of the people you invited to be there?
Posted by emimayor[/QUOTE] Yeah, I'm sure I'm not the only one-but if I got an invite to a wedding/vow renewal/what-have-you and it took me awhile to respond but by the time I was able to RSVP the "rsvp function" was shut down, I'd be totally confused and a little pissed that because I wasn't quick to get on the computer, I missed out on the chance to come. You're throwing a wedding-not a concert where seating can get "sold out". If that makes sense... I mean, sure if people invite themselves without receiving an invite or invite a person to come with them that's not on the guest list or whatever-then you can say 'no'....but that's a little rude, don't you think to send out too many invitations and have a "first come first serve" rule? I just don't see why you'd just trim it down.

ChocolateDelight · April 2010

@Emimayor - Since our event is a blend of two cultures (African and American), I have to appease and respect both cultures and traditions. In African culture, it is impolite not to invite everyone you know or are related to, to a happy occasion. Therefore, by simply inviting a certain relative or friend, I comport with tradition. Most people are satisfied with just receiving an invitation or just being told that we are having an event. They understand that this is America which is expensive and we can't follow all of the traditions by having everyone at the reception. It has already been explained by family elders that we cannot have everyone at the reception, therefore, we have to use the RSVP method to limit the list. However, we will be having a BBQ at our house the day after the reception which is open to everyone. Yes, it takes a whole village to have a party.

Mariah09202008 · April 2010

I guess if it's understood or customery then I can see why you'd do it that way... I think it may confuse some of the "American" guests though if they don't know that.

ETA: Also, if you know some people aren't going to be able to make it wouldn't you just send out an announcement instead of an invite?

emimayor · April 2010

Its definitely not common, but if it works for you and your guests, then great. Hopefully, no one will get upset about it and you'll have the people at the wedding and BBQ that you want to share your weekend with.

ChocolateDelight · April 2010

Mariah & Emi - We have a page on our wedding website titled "Traditions." and it explains both American and African wedding traditions and expectations. We also address this issue on our wedding website under "Frequently Asked Questions" Page.

As my late father (where I get my African descent from) used to tell me that tradition is flexible and it is alright if you need to make a slight variation sometimes as long as the substance/core of the tradition is intact. I am inviting everyone to my happy event. Some will keep the invitations as souvenirs. Most of them know that even though they cannot be there physically, I was respectful enough to invite them.

Donnaaries · April 2010

We're not doing assigned tables, just having signs on 3 tables that say "Reserved for Wedding Party and Family". We only have 90 guests though so I don't think it will be chaotic. Plus we're getting 1 more table than we really need so if people are picky about who they want to sit next to, there's a little extra room.

Honestly, it mostly depends on your guest count... if you have a large wedding, then seating cards are probably more organized. I'm just really lazy and skipping this step.

ChocolateDelight · April 2010

Emi & Mariah - In my haste to answer your questions, I forgot to thank you for your suggestions.

emimayor · April 2010

Of course. And I think its great you are honoring both cultures. It is not always easy to do.

Jay+Marissa · April 2010

We are doing assigned seating because we've invited 300, the max capacity is 280, and we expect 225-250 to come. If we didn't assign tables there would be spaces left and there just wouldn't be enough room!

I kind of like the formality of it too--we are doing a buffet, but at least it will get everyone seated at once.

llc2011 · April 2010

We're doing a buffet and assigned table. Out of the weddings I've been to, there were 3 that didn't have assigned seating. The first two weren't too bad although I ended up at a table with people I didn't know. The last one, they kind of forgot to reserve any tables, so by the time the wedding party & family got to the reception after pictures, they had to squeeze in at other tables.

SarahandAlex2010 · April 2010

We are not doing table assisgments just reserving a few tables for wedding party, parents, grandparents, etc. Everything else will be open.

wagnerj3 · April 2010

we are doing a buffet and table assignments. I have been to weddings where we didn't have them and I felt awkward and rushed to find a seat with people I knew. I would say most of the weddings I have been to had seating but maybe 3-4 haven't. It really is a preference. How do you feel when you are at a wedding? if you like assigments, do it. If you hate them, don't. There really is no right or wrong to it but I definitely think it's a nice touch if your wedding is formal. However, The starlight thinks I am strange. they claim no one does table assigments anymore. Ha!

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