Picked the Same Date

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

FI's Brother is engaged!!!! Its super exciting, he has been dating the same girl since 8th grade.

... However, my family lives in town so we announced our date to them already... FI's family is out of town, so we had not announced any details to them, cause we were waiting to do it in person. FI's brother apparently told them last week (right after they got engaged) that him and his bride to be are aiming for early October, not a real date, but defintely competing with our date of 10-01-11 (so cool). But we hadn't told his side yet. I don't have anything booked, but I really like the binary date (I'm geeky), and I figure my forgetful FI will have a hard time forgetting an anniversary when its on the first!

So... what happens now?

FutureMrsTR · July 2010

I think it would be ok for your FI to talk to his brother and maybe for them both to talk to their parents about the strain it would put on the family to have two wedding so close together. Especially if you have a lot of OOT guests or if the parents will be contributing money. But if neither of you have anything booked, either of you could change the date. You never know what will happen with vendors not being available then and whatnot.

smore154 · July 2010

I would just explain it to them. Most people don't opt to have weddings an a Sunday anways, so you will probably be okay. I had a friend who got engaged after me, and we wanted to make sure we didn't pick dates aroudn each other. I was very flexible so it was fine- and you might even find that the place you want to book isn't available then- and then what? Are you so set on that date you want it no matter what?

Because if so I would tell them that now. If you don't care- not matter what- even if I get married on the front porch in the rain, I want that date- they need to know.

AllAboutTheBenjamin · July 2010

It doesn't sound like anyone has a really nailed down date yet. Just keep the lines of communication open. Obviously you guys can't pick the same day to get married.

...Does the actual date mean that much to you other than just the cool numerical sequence? I have always thought it would be cool if my fiance and I picked the date of our very first anniversary, but it just didn't work out that way.

Any date you pick will be special from that day on.

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

So neither one of have a date then... I guess thats good news....
Also, it is a Saturday, 2011, not 2010.

I would really like it then, I have a lot of attachment to it as of now. I would be willing to switch if necessary, but I wouldn't be happy about it. Ah well, life is about compromise.

BettyMae813 · July 2010

If you got engaged first you should get to pick your date first! That would be nice of them to let you!

andy71781 · July 2010

(1) Book your date so its yours.

(2) Congratulate the new couple.

(3) Inform family and friends of your new date - including the couple.

(4) Do not bitch/whine if the couple picks a date in the fall of 2011. It probably will happen but it will be ok.

But word to the wise - I did steps 1-3 and my cousin STILL picked the same date as me. Jerk.

[Deleted User] · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_picked-same-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abfdbff9-437d-4e1f-a568-c297e57e1a01Post:4843a1c2-fd19-4d98-81d6-34f18474e15a">Re: Picked the Same Date</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't have a date until you have something booked, sorry.
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]
i disagree. i'd say that op telling her family the date qualifies.

Calypso1977 · July 2010

You don't have a date until you have something booked, sorry.

i disagree to some extent. they were engaged first, have been telling folks that this is their date. i say its set. granted, tehy may have to change if they are picky about having a certain venue or church, etc. but id say that this is their date.

andy71781 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_picked-same-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:abfdbff9-437d-4e1f-a568-c297e57e1a01Post:3ee8acb6-b33e-4cbf-9ca8-37e17113bd54">Re: Picked the Same Date</a>:
[QUOTE]If you got engaged first you should get to pick your date first! That would be nice of them to let you!
Posted by BettyMae813[/QUOTE]

Even if they weren't officially engaged yet I think that this couple could still make plans that should be respected.

lapcan · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_picked-same-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:abfdbff9-437d-4e1f-a568-c297e57e1a01Post:3ee8acb6-b33e-4cbf-9ca8-37e17113bd54">Re: Picked the Same Date</a>:
[QUOTE]If you got engaged first you should get to pick your date first! That would be nice of them to let you!
Posted by BettyMae813[/QUOTE]

I don't think it matters who got engaged first. Have your FI talk to his brother. LIke a previous poster said, it doesn't sound like they have an exact date in mind so you may just be ok. :)

danieliza1127 · July 2010

You don't have to wait until you're in person to tell them. Just tell them that's the date you were already seriously considering and ask if they'd consider picking some thing not so close so that his family won't have to choose one wedding over the other (assuming people will have to travel).

andy71781 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_picked-same-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:abfdbff9-437d-4e1f-a568-c297e57e1a01Post:4bfe3931-743c-451d-a986-fbaf50e83de0">Re: Picked the Same Date</a>:
[QUOTE]You don't have to wait until you're in person to tell them. Just tell them that's the date you were already seriously considering and ask if they'd consider picking some thing not so close so that his family won't have to choose one wedding over the other (assuming people will have to travel).
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

This. If you really want that date then you have to lock it down and let people know.

Sing2phins · July 2010

I think the only sensible solution here is: Double wedding.

What?

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

Double wedding..... LOLz... I'll call them right now and let them know this IS the only solution.

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

Also, we obviously can't have the same date... FI and his brother will be groomsmen in eachother's weddings... also there will definitely be travelling guests who will want to attend both weddings... I wish I wasn't so in love with the binary idea.... I could do it on 11/11/11 on a thursday and have a tiny wedding followed by a reception in the next spring, Ideas on that? I love the idea of small weddings (<30 people), super close friends and family only. Is it too crazy to even consider?

Sing2phins · July 2010

11/11/11 is a Friday, isn't it?

danieliza1127 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_picked-same-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abfdbff9-437d-4e1f-a568-c297e57e1a01Post:20320794-3838-4949-8529-0a80717b3bb9">Re: Picked the Same Date</a>:
[QUOTE] I could do it on 11/11/11 on a thursday and have a tiny wedding followed by a reception in the next spring, Ideas on that?
Posted by Juxtaposition00[/QUOTE]

I don't like that idea. Before you jump to all that, just talk to them and explain that you already had your minds set on the October date and have already told your family. See what they say, go from there.

Liberty27 · July 2010

Is binary really more important than family getting to see you get married?

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

It is a Friday! I could do a Friday wedding, but I'm not giving up on the other one yet.

And no binary is not that important. I just thought of that in like two seconds, I think that idea would have failed quickly. Honestly, I'm very much along the same thoughts as everyone else is probably, the date doesn't matter, just that I get to marry the man I love and get to celebrate it with those closest to me.

FutureMrsTR · July 2010

Confession: I don't know what the eff you're talking about when you say binary date? I get that 10+01=11, but am I missing something else?

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

Binary is the code that computers talk in. Its a series of power ons and power offs. Its kind of like how we have ten fingers so we count in tens... but computers don't. They have long series of 1 = on and 0 = off to tell them how to do things. The bit string (or code) 100111 (10/01/10) actually equals 39, which actually converts to the symbol ` in computer talk. I know thats not very exciting, but its still cool. There is a ton more to it, and it is no where this simple, but thats what it is. Binary is quite dated, now we have many languages for programming that are more recognizable like C++. I honestly don't know as much as I used to about this, I didn't end up going into this, so my knowledge of it is also dated. But this is what I can tell you.

lisalou402 · July 2010

Binary is a mathematical numbering system with only 1's and 0's.

I really wanted to get married on 10/10/10....just beacuse it's fun.
Or, 12/12/10.

I think fun with dates is cool. I know someone married 4/4 and 8/8!!!

jnic0319 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_picked-same-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abfdbff9-437d-4e1f-a568-c297e57e1a01Post:3ee8acb6-b33e-4cbf-9ca8-37e17113bd54">Re: Picked the Same Date</a>:
[QUOTE]If you got engaged first you should get to pick your date first! That would be nice of them to let you!
Posted by BettyMae813[/QUOTE]

Nope this is incorrect. Just because you get engaged does not mean you have a hold on all dates until you pick one. Maybe you should have moved on it sooner.

Juxtaposition00 · July 2010

We moved on it at the same time, just to different people. Honestly, I think I win. But I bet they would think that too. I told an exact date to my family, my potential vendors and my friends. They told an approximate date to FI's family and their friends, they haven't even started looking anywhere for vendors or anything. But we aren't battling we just are silently wondering what will happen. Someone's got to talk about the elephant in the room sometime.

noodle_oo · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_picked-same-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abfdbff9-437d-4e1f-a568-c297e57e1a01Post:3ee8acb6-b33e-4cbf-9ca8-37e17113bd54">Re: Picked the Same Date</a>:
[QUOTE]If you got engaged first you should get to pick your date first! That would be nice of them to let you!
Posted by BettyMae813[/QUOTE]

It SO doesn't work that way.

Neither of you have booked a place, so neither of you have a date yet. I woudl just talk to them. I'm sure you guys can come to a compromise. Ideally, I'm sure you would both like to have at least a month between the weddings. Maybe one of you can go with Sept instead.

But just remember: if you guys haven't booked anything, you really don't have a date yet. What if the venue you fall in love with is already booked for 10/1/11? You might end up moving your date. It may have been premature to announce it to your family before you have the venue booked.

shortee426 · July 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_picked-same-date?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:abfdbff9-437d-4e1f-a568-c297e57e1a01Post:3ee8acb6-b33e-4cbf-9ca8-37e17113bd54">Re: Picked the Same Date</a>:
[QUOTE]If you got engaged first you should get to pick your date first! That would be nice of them to let you!
Posted by BettyMae813[/QUOTE]

If this were true, my life would be much simpler right now! I got engaged in Feb and in March told people I wanted July 3, 2011. My brother got engaged in May and wanted July as well. Since I had not yet booked a venue, we both picked our ideal dates and said we would keep in touch once things were figured out. He ended up booking for July 17 and we are now looking at late June.

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