Negative Reactions About A Vegas Wedding

krismarie621 · June 2011

Have any of you experienced any negative reactions/comments/etc about your Vegas wedding?

My MIL has been a constant jerk about it. She told my mom that her daughter is going to have a "real" destination wedding. She's told us numerous times she's not that excited about Vegas because she doesn't gamble. Then she found out I was pregnant so it's been, "I just want to get the wedding over with so December can be here and MY BABY will arrive" - then tonight at dinner, she showed us a dress she bought. We told her it was very nice and she then said, "Yah, I had just wanted to wear capris so I may return it. If you were doing your wedding at the golf course like it was originally going to be, I would wear a dress, but this is just a Vegas wedding."

FH and I both looked at her and I said, "This is JUST as important"

I tried to talk to her a few weeks ago about how upsetting it is that she's so down about the wedding and she turned it all around and made me look like the bad guy and acted like she did nothing wrong (she says I don't "get her excited" about the wedding or keep her in the loop - but all the times I have tried to, she's been criticial. I showed her my wedding dress, for example, and she said "Meh - it's nice, but doesn't scream buy me").

Anyways, I'm ranting, but I'm choked and I've had enough. Any else had to deal with anything like this?

CamilleJon · June 2011

She sounds like a real gem... I'm sorry

She might just be one of those crazies that is jealous that you are 'taking her baby boy away' and will refuse to be happy for you.

FI's father's family has been pretty lame. His dad died when he was 10 and has 8 siblings. We ran into an uncle last weekend and he said "we got you save the date, but we usually go to Las Vegas in February, not January, so we may not make it." ... FI and I were like, uh, our wedding is January 28! And it's not like they go to LV for any specific event or date, they are retired and just go to gamble and to get out of the cold Wisco weather for a week, so would it really make that much of a difference if you went a week earlier?

I don't know, some people are just plain rude

AJF021410 · June 2011

No, that's super rude. Sorry you have to deal with that ignorance.

j_jaye · June 2011

I can feel ya!

I had to sit through an hour long tirade at my dad's side of the family christmas get together last December. One of my uncles just went on and on about how selfish I was for having my wedding in Vegas and that we were so inconsiderate of family because no one would be able to afford to come etc etc. I just sat and listened and then said thanks for your opinion and we understand what a burden it can be for some guests and while we want everyone there we understand that some people just wont make it.
My mum said later that she wanted to go up and say to him that it was not wanting people like him at the wedding that we are doing it so far away! He is a bit of an ass constantly.

I have also had people say we wont come to vegas becuase you will just have a party at home later right! Um no our reception is in Vegas.

I guess it is something every DW bride has to go through!

davidsbride21 · June 2011

Ouch. Unfortunately, I know all too well what its like to have a "monster-in-law", my ex-bf's mother was really mean and critical like that....nothing was EVER good enough or the way SHE would do it. Anyways thankfully I never have to hear it again. LOL I agree with PP about the jealousy and taking her boy away.

Just remember that it's what you both want and Vegas is one of the most if not most glamorous place in the world with the best of the best when it comes to hotels and restaurants! What more does she want?! It will all work out beautifully and the vows will have just as meaningful as they would anywhere else

vegasgroom · June 2011

If my mom gave me that kind of attitude, or more importantly, gave my FI that kind of attitude, I'd tell her she can sit her ass at home and we'll send her pictures.

Fortunately we've had nothing but confirmations or guests who said they couldn't take the time off, couldn't afford the flight, couldn't find a babysitter, etc. but all in a nice way and many of them have already bought gifts. Not a single person has gotten an attitude about it so far; at least to our faces.

smokeybailey · June 2011

I've gotten nothing but good responses. In fact, today, one of my guests said, "You'll have to beat people off with a stick. No one will say no to a great party in Vegas."

But I wouldn't even listen to that because I'm with VG, I'd tell my mom or FMIL that they could take their opinion and stuff it.

CPBride17 · June 2011

I don't trust people that wear capris. It's not good in any circumstance. Just my opinion.

MizLynn · June 2011

I knew someone like that (used to be my supervisor). Nothing was ever good enough, and what made it worse was that she wasn't happy unless you were unhappy. If something went wrong at work, like the copier breaks down or something, she wasn't satisfied until you were just as upset as she was about it.

So what I did was I just adopted this laisez-faire attitude. I just wouldn't give her the reaction she was going for. I would either try to kill her with kindness, or sort of dismiss her concerns with a smile and a "I'm sure it's not as bad as all that" grandma-style rainbow and kitties response. Drove her up the wall. Sometimes being positive in the face of a negative person is the best revenge -- it's funny to watch them try to still be negative when you're not reacting.

I say, just smile and be as upbeat as you can about it. If she brings up that "it's only vegas" line, then say something like "well, my mom is going to be wearing this gorgeous blue evening gown she just boght....etc." No mom wants to be "upstaged" by the other mom. :-P Mention that she'll look like the odd man out in the pictures. But do it with a smile and finish it with "but that's up to you, I guess." And just ignore whatever she says after that. A smile and a nod and some of those non-committal "well, you know's" work well for shutting down further convos as they soon realise you're not actually listening or engaging.

I feel bad that I'm giving lessons in how to be passive-aggresive catwoman, but I tell myself that it's okay because I'm using my powers for good.

Sorry for the long post, and I hope that it helps. If nothing else, keep your head up and don't let the naysayers get you down.

zitiqueen · June 2011

Where is your FI in all of this? Why isn't he telling his mother to STFD and STFU?

rferry · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_negative-reactions-vegas-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:8d8c7416-9409-4ddf-8675-3cdd949240c3Post:c95b0589-3f53-43b7-85d7-faa1d033c778">Re: Negative Reactions About A Vegas Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't trust people that wear capris. It's not good in any circumstance. Just my opinion. ;)
Posted by CPBride17[/QUOTE]
agreed

Diamond1031 · June 2011

In the beginning my mom was like “you’re only going to have 10 people there”. She is a negative Nancy and I think that is where I get my negativity from about certain things, like the photography. All I can do is go with the flow and let them work their magic. :-D

I was stressed out for a long time because they wanted to check out the ceremony site and reception sites. I was SO worried that they were going to come back and hate it. They are paying for it so….I was a wreck up until I got the call saying they liked it. What a sigh of relief. She is also the type who wants answers NOW and wants to get things done NOW. I will be stressed out up until the day I say “I do”. I definitely know how you feel about the negativity.

Who is paying for the wedding?

Diamond1031 · June 2011

Can I also add that she should not give you added stress since you are pregnant with her grandchild! Not cool.

krismarie621 · June 2011

Thanks for all the responses, guys. I feel a bit better knowing that some of you have had negative reactions too (although it sucks you have to go through it as well!)

CPBride - I literally lauged out loud for a good minute when I read your response, haha!

Ziti & Vegas - My FI has told her several times that he doesn't want her there if she's going to complain about it, and last night when she was saying she was maybe going to return her dress, FI said, "Well mom I'm only getting married once so sure would be nice if you made the effort"

MizLyn - Yepp, I told her what a nice (and expensive) dress my mom got, hehehe.

Diamond - My FI & I paid for about 60% and my parents' paid for about 40%. My MIL actually had the nerve to tell us *we* should pay for her hair/make up to be done. FI foolishly agreed to, but a few weeks ago we agreed to tell her that we weren't going to be able to.

wiwicaty · June 2011

We only got great responses, people are pleasantly surprised when I say the words Las Vegas and many of them have been just ecstatic about it.

You FMIL sounds like the kind of person who wouldn't be happy or supportive regardless. Like my FMIL, the first words about the wedding she managed to utter were "that June crap". I agree with both VG and MizLynn, now you have to figure out if you'd rather kill her with kindness or completely ignore her. Either way, it's her problem. Trust me, if you get too emotionally involved in how people react you're in for months of frustration; be happy, do your thing and leave negativity out. I kinda left my FMIL alone with her attitude, not that she was going to be included at all, but after that comment I made sure she only got the "we're good, thanks" treatment.

And I love what CPBride said about the capris LOL!

krismarie621 · June 2011

Do you guys think I, or my FI, should try to talk to her? My best friend thinks I should tell her that she really hurt our feelings last night. I think FI should call her & tell her himself. I've tried once before, a few weeks ago, to tell her to cool it with the negativity because it's upsetting, and it obviously has done nothing.

I just don't want to deal with this crap while we're IN Vegas.....

Diamond1031 · June 2011

I can't believe she told you YOU had to pay for her hair and MU. Really? Ugh, that would not fly with me. You don't tell someone YOU should pay for this or that. Not cool especially since you are pregnant!

I feel like it will be her loss in the end if she decides not to come to the wedding. Like my FI says sometimes "misery loves company".

vegasgroom · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_negative-reactions-vegas-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:8d8c7416-9409-4ddf-8675-3cdd949240c3Post:547984a3-ddc2-4553-8f9e-6b69912bf22b">Re: Negative Reactions About A Vegas Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Do you guys think I, or my FI, should try to talk to her? My best friend thinks I should tell her that she really hurt our feelings last night. I think FI should call her & tell her himself. I've tried once before, a few weeks ago, to tell her to cool it with the negativity because it's upsetting, and it obviously has done nothing. I just don't want to deal with this crap while we're IN Vegas.....
Posted by krismarie621[/QUOTE]

He should definitely be the one to set her straight. I think it's great that you communicate with her at all since many people end up on non-speaking terms with their inlaws for some reason, I get along with mine great, but if you confront her that could just make matters worse.

mhoneybee · June 2011

It really sucks that you are having to deal with this so close to your wedding. Whenever we got the side-eye about getting married in Vegas, we said we are having a wedding in Vegas not a Vegas wedding. I know a lot of people hear Vegas wedding and automatically think drive through chapel, Elvis, etc and while that is an option that many people choose that isn't the only type of wedding in Vegas.

It's probably not worth the effort but you could show her pictures of other brides who got married at your same venue, etc so she could see it's very important to you and your FI. Unfortunately it sounds like no matter what you do she won't be happy. Sounds like she is trying to make it about her and throwing a bit of a temper tantrum in the process.

SportsBear47 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_negative-reactions-vegas-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:91Discussion:8d8c7416-9409-4ddf-8675-3cdd949240c3Post:dcbeb2b8-c52f-40b3-b890-16caf568a81c">Re: Negative Reactions About A Vegas Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]It really sucks that you are having to deal with this so close to your wedding. Whenever we got the side-eye about getting married in Vegas, we said we are having a wedding in Vegas not a Vegas wedding. I know a lot of people hear Vegas wedding and automatically think drive through chapel, Elvis, etc and while that is an option that many people choose that isn't the only type of wedding in Vegas. <strong>It's probably not worth the effort but you could show her pictures of other brides who got married at your same venue, etc so she could see it's very important to you and your FI. </strong> Unfortunately it sounds like no matter what you do she won't be happy. Sounds like she is trying to make it about her and throwing a bit of a temper tantrum in the process.
Posted by mhoneybee[/QUOTE]

I would recommend doing this though. I linked the MB Chapel site on our wedding website so a few of the "Negative Nancies" can get a feel for what it really is and tell the others to SUCK IT. We've received a lot of positive comments and others noting that it dispelled their preconceived notions about Vegas weddings.

Our families and friends are excited about what they know will be a great party, but one chick in particular (FI's best friend's wife) has been VERY judgemental from the get-go. She made the comment that if we were "just going to get married in Vegas, why don't you just stay home and go to the JOP." O RLY? Thanks for your opinion, now STFU. She already judges me not rushing to get married and going to graduate school and us choosing not to have kids, so what is one more notch on her no-no list? <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-tongue-out.gif" border="0" alt="Tongue out" title="Tongue out" /> I'm almost looking forward to adding more to that list, actually.

The only other negative comments I have received is when I tell local wedding professionals and Steel Magnolia/Southern Belle-type bridal shops here in town that 1) our wedding is in Vegas, and 2) I am looking for a tea-length dress. They look at me as if I have 12 heads. Again...SUCK IT. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-cool.gif" border="0" alt="Cool" title="Cool" /> I'm not stressing about my wedding OR your opinions,folks.

The only thing that matters is that you and your FI are doing what YOU want to do.

CamilleJon · June 2011

OP, I wouldn't tell her she has hurt your feelings, that is obvi what she is trying to do! I agree with MisLizz, I think the passive aggressive approach to her will be best!

In my experience, you can't really reason with narrow-minded people, they don't care because their opinion is the ONLY correct one. It seems like she has made up her mind that she doesn't like the LV idea and had decided to be ill-mannered, rude, inconsiderate, and immature about it, and talking to her will not solve anything, it will just give her validation in her own head.

krismarie621 · June 2011

I'm seriously just appalled that she'd act this way. Not even so much for ME, but for her own SON. I could not imagine my mother being so negative towards me about something like this. It's just so rude and hurtful to treat your children that way!! I feel bad for my FI. She, along with my FSIL, are the only family on his side that are going down there and 50% of that "family" have been rude.

lsvensson · June 2011

Yeah, I agree with VG-- that's a battle your FI should be fighting, and make sure he does. Have him sit her down and air out his (and your) feelings. It's unfair for you to have to fight that with her.

If it's any consolation, my mother is very much like this--she's partially pissed I'm not getting married in a church (I'm an atheist, not going to happen), and she has negative feedback on most of the details I share with her (e.g., she had a freak out when I told her I was going to use recorded music instead of classical violinists at Valley of the Falls-- said it's "tacky".) She freaked out when I told her that we'll be serving our guests pizza in the Vista Suite for our Meet & Greet thing...she was like, "You're going to feed people PIZZA?!" [keep in mind this is my M&G, and not my actual reception] and I basically told her, "if YOU would like to pay another $1.5K or so to upgrade to Masterpiece, please feel free, but I know you can't afford that, and neither can I...we're already spending a lot to have a really nice reception, and there's just no more money." End conversation. I should share fewer details with her because this is her standard reaction, but she's my mom, and I crave aproval, I think haha.

daniela0984 · June 2011

Oh my gosh! How horrible!!! I feel for you....my FMIL has been absolutely rude/mean to me too ever since my FI and I got engaged (she actually tried to break us up AND tried to get his ex back into the picture!!) I hope you are able to ignore her and her comments and have an AMAZING day!!!!

Sara191431 · June 2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_nevada-las-vegas_negative-reactions-vegas-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:91Discussion:8d8c7416-9409-4ddf-8675-3cdd949240c3Post:dba1eb3a-47ce-43a9-af8b-02aabae23c8e">Re: Negative Reactions About A Vegas Wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, I agree with VG-- that's a battle your FI should be fighting, and make sure he does. Have him sit her down and air out his (and your) feelings. It's unfair for you to have to fight that with her. If it's any consolation, my mother is very much like this--she's partially pissed I'm not getting married in a church (I'm an atheist, not going to happen), and she has negative feedback on most of the details I share with her (e.g., she had a freak out when I told her I was going to use recorded music instead of classical violinists at Valley of the Falls-- said it's "tacky".) She freaked out when I told her that we'll be serving our guests pizza in the Vista Suite for our Meet & Greet thing...she was like, "You're going to feed people PIZZA?!" [keep in mind this is my M&G, and not my actual reception] and I basically told her, "if YOU would like to pay another $1.5K or so to upgrade to Masterpiece, please feel free, but I know you can't afford that, and neither can I...we're already spending a lot to have a really nice reception, and there's just no more money." End conversation. <strong> I should share fewer details with her because this is her standard reaction, but she's my mom, and I crave aproval, I think haha</strong>.
Posted by lsvensson[/QUOTE]

Funny my mom is sorta similar and I too just need to stop telling her certain things, yet after a few days of an annoying comment by her I must forget about it or something and apparently feel the need to tell her about whatever new wedding item comes about. One of these days I'll learn to keep my mouth shut;) Definitely won't be telling her about the recent MB In-Suite issues, she'd have a coronary!

(oh and to add on to our similarities, I'm not religious at all and am using pre-recorded music:)

MeatAuditor · June 2011

I'm coming late to this discussion so I'll keep it brief. I wanted to cheer when I read VG's suggestions. I think you've done what you can. There's no use in further worrying and stressing yourself in an attempt to please her. If she wants to be there, she'll be there. Dress or capris, her outfit for the wedding will be accessorized with a giant stick up her booty.

aegrish · June 2011

I think your FMIL will be really surprised when/if she attends your wedding. Maybe she has a stereotype of vegas that is not all all true. some of my FI's family members had 'strong opinions' on what they wanted to wear and made me fully aware of their intentions, I told them that I didn't care what they wore as long as they were there. After all, if they were underdressed they'd be the ones that would stick out anyways ( I didn't tell them that part but it turned out to be true). Now my mom cried everytime I spoke with her for 2 weeks after I told her we were getting married in vegas. She ended up staying longer than any of our guests (a week) and almost as long as us. Now my parents are planning their next trip there already. Leave her be, she'll come around.

carlad22 · June 2011

When I tell people I'm getting married in Vegas they automatically assume Elvis is going to marry me or something!! I'm getting married at the Chapel of the Flowers and I'm fine with that. We are having 45-50 people in atendance and the recption will be at Grand Lux.

smckinno · June 2011

We haved gotten a few "negative" comments. I think ours are mainly from the fact that we hd been planning a wedding here and the money just wasn't there (neither was the support) so we scrapped our plans and opted for Vegas. The funny part is that, in the beginning, FMIL was saying that Vegas was a good option and it could be a really great time. When we actually decided that we would do it, she started getting weird about it. Now she isn't sure if she can make it and that we probably could have a wedding here just as nice without paying a whole bunch. I've learned to roll with the punches and blow off a lot of what she says.

The rest of the comments seem to be more from people being disappointed that they won't be able to make it. I just keep in my mind that we made this choice together and this is so much more "us" than a big production of a wedding. We're not very big on crowds and attention.

Swashbuckler · June 2011

I finally got around to looking at this board and OP, I hate that you're going through this, but dang I'm glad I'm not alone. My mom about had a stroke when I told her we wanted to get married in Vegas. I'll refrain from listing all the reasons we want it there, but I've been getting a guilt trip about it for the last month and even briefly considered having it in KY. I'm waiting till FI gets here (we're long distance) to tell her we're having it in Vegas, no, the family is not invited because I don't want to hear their complaining, and if her and my dad want to be there, that'll be fine. I knew it'd be controversial, but geez...

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