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Dress code for guests

CaylaSummerCaylaSummer
100 Comments
in Catholic Weddings
Hi laides,

I posted something about the dress code on the Etiquette board but I though I should post here.

Did you put down a dress code on you invitation. I have to cover my shoulders and so do the BMs for the ceremony. Of course the invitation says its a church wedding. My wedding is in the summer so I do want my guests to be comfortable however I think they need to dress appropriately not just because they are going to a wedding but also to church.

My Fi's family is not catholic but they are christian. I have been to their church before and I have seen some girls there wearing really short skirt and too much cleavage(including his family members). We also have guest that are not religious. I just want to assume that people know how to dress to go to a church service but clearly based on what I have seen at my FI's church there is no dress code.

There is no written rule at my parish for dress code but i swear I have never seen anyone there with their shoulders exposed even in the summer. I know the priest had talked about dressing modestly in the church during the meeting that we had with him a while back with a whole bunch of couples getting married this year.

Is there anything I need to address or leave it be?
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Re: Dress code for guests

  • monkeysipmonkeysip member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Cayla,

    Wow... you read my mind!  I was going to post the same question!  The Church I'm hoping to be getting married in is very historic and traditional, and actually has a strict dress code and will refuse to let you in if you're dressed inappropriately for mass.  I don't think they enforce it for weddings, but I still think it would be respectful to the Church to let people know the dress code, i.e. no bare shoulders, no shorts, etc.

    You would think people would know these things, but most of my friends/family aren't catholic, and even when I go to mass (at other churches, not this one), I see people wearing shorts, strapless dresses, cleavage, etc.  

    At the same time, its hard to think of a way to put it in the invite or something without looking tacky.  : \

    Any ideas?

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  • carmen9311carmen9311 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Address this by word of mouth. I don't think it's appropriate to put it on your invitation. Ask your parents and wedding party to spread the news. 
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  • doctabroccolidoctabroccoli member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    The only way you should put it on your invites is if there is a written dress code that the Church enforces.  Otherwise, Carmen is right - spread the news by word of mouth.
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  • IrishcurlsIrishcurls member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yup, word of mouth is what we're doing. 

    And hey Mrs. Docta!! Hope your wedding was amazingg!
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  • Meg1036Meg1036
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I see where you're coming from with this.  But I agree with pps that unless its a dress code that actually exists for the church (i.e., in writing) it should not be on the invitation.  Spreading by word of mouth is the way to go.

    Normally I don't even like seeing dress codes on the wedding website (if you have one), but in this case, I wouldn't have a problem with something along the lines of "Out of respect for the Sacrament of Marriage and due to convention within this church, guests are asked to cover their shoulders during the ceremony") on the website.  But even that is pushing it and wrong from an etiquette perspective.
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  • lalaith50lalaith50 member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    My church has a written policy about the wedding party, but I have also included something on our website, and I most likely will also include it on the "informational insert" in the invitation. (It's almost identical to what Meg suggested.)

    I don't really care that it's tacky, or that people might roll their eyes. I am always shocked when I go to weddings, and people who I think *should* know better (even my own sister!) have completely bare shoulders. That is disrespectful to the Church and Eucharist, and it can even be distracting to sit right behind someone and have to stare at their bare back for an hour!

    I don't see how it could work to just spread it "by word of mouth." The people who would roll their eyes the most or be the most clueless (eg, the unchurched extended family,) would be the hardest to make sure they know since I talk to them the least. Even with putting it in the invitation, I still expect some people to "forget," but at least when they are sitting there during Mass and realize that they are the *only* person with bare shoulders and feel a little out of place, they won't be embarrased because any neglect of mine!
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  • lisa89760lisa89760 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_dress-code-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:4b7d6921-8b1c-48ff-9670-47d88dd952edPost:b76ca970-190a-4360-9a4a-71edacbe92ff">Re: Dress code for guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]My church has a written policy about the wedding party, but I have also included something on our website, and I most likely will also include it on the "informational insert" in the invitation. (It's almost identical to what Meg suggested.) I don't really care that it's tacky, or that people might roll their eyes. I am always shocked when I go to weddings, and people who I think *should* know better (even my own sister!) have completely bare shoulders. That is disrespectful to the Church and Eucharist, and it can even be distracting to sit right behind someone and have to stare at their bare back for an hour! I don't see how it could work to just spread it "by word of mouth." The people who would roll their eyes the most or be the most clueless (eg, the unchurched extended family,) would be the hardest to make sure they know since I talk to them the least. Even with putting it in the invitation, I still expect some people to "forget," but at least when they are sitting there during Mass and realize that they are the *only* person with bare shoulders and feel a little out of place, they won't be embarrased because any neglect of mine!
    Posted by lalaith50[/QUOTE]

    Why is it distracting? Bare shoulders doesn't bother me at all, I personally do not do that when I'm attending a wedding but other people are by no means distracting me during the ceremony because of it. 


    OP - I think word of mouth is the best way.  If some people forget/not do it, you probably won't notice.
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  • CaylaSummerCaylaSummer
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Okay thanks ladies. I mean i definitely will not notice that person with bare shoulders or even think to make a comment about it.

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  • verityverityverityverity
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Non-Catholic here.  Is there a particular reason that shoulders must be covered?  Thanks.
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  • lisa89760lisa89760 member
    Fourth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_dress-code-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:4b7d6921-8b1c-48ff-9670-47d88dd952edPost:c44b3221-b34a-4bda-a960-13de3b377697">Re: Dress code for guests</a>:
    [QUOTE]Non-Catholic here.  Is there a particular reason that shoulders must be covered?  Thanks.
    Posted by verityverity[/QUOTE]

    I think it's the respectful thing to do...my mom always made me cover my shoulders when going to church but that was also because my grandma would give me dirty looks...but she gave me dirty looks if my sholders were bare regardless of where we were.

    BUT I am wearing a strapless dress and so are my BM's.  I think it depends on each church if that is allowed but mine it is. 
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  • threepinkrosesthreepinkroses
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If its in your budget buy a handful of cheap shawls. A craft store in my area sells them for $3 each and if you get them on a coupon week you can get them cheaper than that. You can put them in a basket in the back for people who don't get the verbal message.
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