"And Guest"? Really?

amandajean36 · August 2010

Ok - question for the ettiquitte board (and maybe the invite board?)

When do you use "and guest" and when is it inappropriate?

We got a wedding invite today, for one of FI's friend's weddings. We've known about the wedding since before the engagement - and myself and FI even gave his friend (the future groom) some pointers on picking out the ring.

Today, we got an invite addressed to "Fiance and Guest"

Really?!

Please tell me I have a right to be offended.

More background (just for fun):
- They got engaged in May (getting married in Oct, before his deployment); we've been engaged since December.
- I've met both of them.
- Future Groom has seen my ring and compared it to what he was thinking about buying (meaning he *definitely* knows we're engaged).
- We sent them a STD in May (before their invites went out, obviously) addressed to both of them.

quotequeen · August 2010

Yes, you have a right to be offended. If the person is in a relationship, his or her SO should be invited by name, "and guest" is not appropriate.

KellyLovesJames · August 2010

I'd be slightly offended... but not much you can do about it. It's one of those things you just think about to yourself and move one.

Everyone else here is going to tell you to get over it. :P

stinkerbell6879 · August 2010

Yes be upset and then move on. Like I said on the LV Board....Maybe she is just trying to get these out and is bad with names? I am SO BAD with names. Also you know how crazy planning can get. So IMO not going over something like this is silly.

amandajean36 · August 2010

I know I need to get over it - but I just read the invite and thought "really?!"

Maybe I stalk The Knot more than most future brides?

I went out of my way to double check last names, significant others names, and the spelling of said names...and that was just for STDs.

Especially with everyone and their mother being on FaceBook - all that information is *right there*

stinkerbell6879 · August 2010

I know that MOST of us try to make sure. So YES be upset! But at some point I am sure things like this happened and it's not meant to offend. Also..... At least she had "and Guest" I have heard of some forgetting that the person has a SO.

akhensley81 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b6cc7ee-a779-4d25-8cd9-1f2bcd18a14aPost:72c175e8-17aa-4807-9992-2e6cbcf131ab">Re: "And Guest"? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]I know I need to get over it - but I just read the invite and thought "really?!" Maybe I stalk The Knot more than most future brides? <strong>I went out of my way to double check last names, significant others names, and the spelling of said names...and that was just for STDs. </strong> Especially with everyone and their mother being on FaceBook - all that information is *right there*
Posted by amandajean36[/QUOTE]

I was the same way. But unfortunately, not everyone else is as detailed. I agree. I'd be annoyed, too. But there's not a lot you can do about it now.

Be sure to write your name clearly on the response card, so you don't end up with a placecard that says "FI's Guest." :)

aggiebug · August 2010

on a question to add to that. So I have several friends in serious realtionships that are not married. Can I address the outer envelope to "and guest" and put Mary and Joe on the inner envelope?

aMrsin09 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b6cc7ee-a779-4d25-8cd9-1f2bcd18a14aPost:1dbadd47-7b40-4488-a48c-57df248a08b7">Re: "And Guest"? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]on a question to add to that. So I have several friends in serious realtionships that are not married. Can I address the outer envelope to "and guest" and put Mary and Joe on the inner envelope?
Posted by aggiebug[/QUOTE]

Assuming from your question that the couple doesn't live together, it should technically be addressed as:

Outer Evenlope
mr Joe Smith
XXX
City state

Inner envelope
Mr Joe Smith
Ms Mary Jones

Edited to remove brain fart.

MVJP10 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b6cc7ee-a779-4d25-8cd9-1f2bcd18a14aPost:72c175e8-17aa-4807-9992-2e6cbcf131ab">Re: "And Guest"? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]I went out of my way to double check last names, significant others names, and the spelling of said names...and that was just for STDs. Especially with everyone and their mother being on FaceBook - all that information is *right there*
Posted by amandajean36[/QUOTE]

<div>This!</div><div>
</div><div>It's just the right thing to do, research guests and their SOs names, correct spelling, and correct addresses. If I have a question I ask. True, you won't jump off of a bridge as a result, but I would also be offended.</div>

shellydiane820 · August 2010

Maybe its just me, but I wouldn't care. I think its a stupid thing to get worked up over.

Chances are, they had labeled so many invites, it just slipped.

jaimelee327 · August 2010

OMG! Exact same thing happened to me, except I've more than met them both. We hang out on a regular basis. AND, she then had the nerve to invite me to her shower... by name! (So I didn't go)

squirrly · August 2010

Sure, you can be offended. And, it's less than perfect. BUT, they did invite you. So - there's that. Time to just let it roll off your back and move on.

aggiebug · August 2010

thanks aMRSin09. that is how I planned on doing it but I had seen:

Mr Jones and guest on the outer
and
Mary and Joe on the inner.

and wasn't 100% sure which was more correct.

acmj11 · August 2010

Some people are just boneheads. We recieved a STD a few months ago to "FI and guest". That set me off too, but then last week we got the actual invitation and it was addressed just to FI (not even and guest!). FI called and clarified and they just expected that I was coming...Okay then.

jillybean7582 · August 2010

I hate this, it is so rude.... I was in a similar situation too and it made me mad too. My cousin got married in July. I have been with FI for over 4 years, living together for 3 years and engaged for almost a year now. When I recieved the invite it was address to Me and Guest...WTF? Seriously you are my cousin and my FI has been at ALL family functions for the past 3 plus years and you can't manage to put his name on the invite.

My mom told me I should address his invite to our wedding as Cousin and Guest even though they will be married for about 8 months by our wedding... Haha that would be funny but I would never actually do that!

AllAboutTheBenjamin · August 2010

If it makes you feel any better, I was invited to a wedding last month - without so much as a guest option - and both the bride and groom know I'm engaged.

The bride asked me about my planning, dress and other details all the time. Then asked me for my address, and had the balls to exclude not only my fiance, but my guest option all together.

It MAY have something to do with the fact that the groom in this wedding is best friends with my ex-boyfriend that I dated for six years, and I left him for my now fiance. So it WOULD be awkward if we attended the wedding.

I know why they wouldn't want him to come - so then why invite me? And by myself?

People just suck.

Beachy730 · August 2010

I would definitely be bothered by it, but as PP's said, there really isn't anything you can do about it. Make sure on your response card you write both of your names, and write them big! The one thing I can say though is that unfortunately there are some people out there that don't consider a relationship serious or final until the wedding, even if you are engaged. So maybe they addressed the envelope in that way just in case something happen. A friend of mine who we invited had gotten engaged, and they bought a house together. About a month before our wedding, after invites had went out, they called the engagement off. I had to call him and make sure he knew that the invite was for him, and he was welcome to bring a guest if he wanted.

As for names on the invites, it depends on the type of invitations you have too. Inner envelopes are becoming less common now. We had pocket style invites with no inner envelopes. Anyone in a serious relationship, whether they lived together or not, had both names written on the envelope. If they didn't live together we mailed it to twhichever person in the couple was the friend of ours. And the few single people we invited we addressed it to "John Smith & Guest."

Kristin789 · August 2010

"AND GUEST" is never used.
Never.
People have names, even the unengaged ones, and the invitation envelope(s) should use the NAMES.

emyinpink · August 2010

I would be offended, I would think they had poor etiquette, and then I would let it be. But definitely write both of your names on the response card!

yma1624 · August 2010

My sister and I are both engaged. She's dated her fiance for 5 years and is getting married June 2011. I have been dating my fiance for 2 years and we are getting married in November. We have a cousin that has been dating his fiancee for just a little over a year and they are getting married in October. We got the save the dates for their wedding (handed to us at my other cousin's son's baptism btw)that were addressed to us "and guest." We have yet to get the invitation, but I am interested to see how that goes. I mean, how hard is it to figure out our fiance's names now-a-days with things like Facebook or even off of OUR save the dates???? Lol, I was offended and for sure think you have the right to be!

emilyinchile · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b6cc7ee-a779-4d25-8cd9-1f2bcd18a14aPost:d6d842c2-e505-4599-a60f-7fb7339f12cf">Re: "And Guest"? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]"AND GUEST" is never used. Never. People have names, even the unengaged ones, and the invitation envelope(s) should use the NAMES.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

What about when you're inviting a single friend and giving them the option to bring a guest of their choosing?

Kristin, welcome to 2010. Please keep up.

Beachy730 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b6cc7ee-a779-4d25-8cd9-1f2bcd18a14aPost:799e6ed1-816d-41d7-a26a-675ba0e3c031">Re: "And Guest"? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: "And Guest"? Really? : What about when you're inviting a single friend and giving them the option to bring a guest of their choosing? Kristin, welcome to 2010. Please keep up.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

Ditto this exactly. We made sure to get the names of anyone who was dating someone when the invites went out, but we had about 10 or so friends who were completely single who we gave a guest too. It's impossible to ask someone 2 months before the wedding "who are you going to bring to our wedding so that we can put their name on the invite?" when they don't even know at the time that the are alowed to bring a guest? Yes, if people are in a serious relationship you should write their names on the envelope, but if you are just allowing someone a guest, then its just & guest.

obxbride17 · August 2010

Yes, they did not follow proper "ettiquette rules". Be upset for 2 minutes, then get over it. There are so many things to remember when planning a wedding and it was probably just an honest oversight and not done intentionally to offend you. As a future bride, do you really want all of your guests nit-picking at every decision, mishap, oversight, etc that happens with your wedding and then getting mad or offended by it? I know I don't! It is not the end of the world...choose your battles wisely.

jnic0319 · August 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_guest-really?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:2b6cc7ee-a779-4d25-8cd9-1f2bcd18a14aPost:d6d842c2-e505-4599-a60f-7fb7339f12cf">Re: "And Guest"? Really?</a>:
[QUOTE]"AND GUEST" is never used. Never. People have names, even the unengaged ones, and the invitation envelope(s) should use the NAMES.
Posted by Kristin789[/QUOTE]

No that's not correct at all. A lot of people are single and not seeing anyone, yet you may want to extend them a guest so they can bring a friend or flavor of the week. In that case AND GUEST is used.

jessrendon · August 2010

Big pet peeve. Just got a wedding invite a few weeks ago from a friend who knows my FI and I for about a year, and knows we are engaged. The bride went as far as to get the address of the house we just bought and moved in to, if she can do the research to get our new address she can do the research to get the proper spelling of my name name, which I know she knows!

I try not to get offended by people's stupidity so I just laughed it off and threw it in the trash. Definitely made me feel better.

kristend72 · August 2010

Eh, you never know what may have happened. Think about some of the goofy stuff that has happened in your own planning and remember that goofy stuff goes on behind the scenes of all weddings. Like maybe her MIL has been pestering her and pestering her to help please with SOMETHING! so she asked her to deal with the invitations, gave her the list, stamps, and the invitations and let her go to town. Only the MIL couldn't read her handwriting for your name, so MIL just shrugged and rather than maybe botch your name went with 'and guest'.

Who knows. If she's always been pleasant to you in person, just shrug it off and don't worry about it.

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