Question about FI's parents' names on invitation?

clearheavens · September 2010

I am very naive about invitation wording. And I was wondering what was the tradition of adding FI's parents' names on the invitation.

1. Some girls on my wedding board said that traditionally, FI's parents are not mentioned on the invite because traditionally, they didn't shell out the money.

2. But then some girls rebuted saying that to host a wedding does not necessarily mean to be the one paying. At the least, mentioning both families makes it so there are no hard feelings on either side as well as acknowledges the joining of two families.

Who is right?

aerinpegadrak · September 2010

I think it's about whatever everyone involved is most comfortable with. If your FI's parents would be offended not to be mentioned on the invitation, then yes, they should go on there, regardless of who paid. If they don't really care, then it can just come down to aesthetics. We had a very small space to work with, so we just did "together with their parents," even though the financial contributions were nowhere near equal.

slubkin · September 2010

We aren't even including any parent names on ours, since my mother and father both remarried (and then my mother died, I don't talk to my stepdad anymore, and my dad divorced again), and FI's father died, and his mother remarried...

Oh, and we are paying for the wedding ourselves.

slwbride · September 2010

My parents hosted our wedding but we included MH's parents on the invite by including "son of Mr. and Mrs Last name" after MH's name.

[Deleted User] · September 2010

It is usually whoever is hosting, but it is your wedding and you can do what you want. You may want to check out verseit.com for more ideas

H and I paid for and hosted our own wedding, so that is how we worded the invites. My parents were pissed at first, but got over it pretty quickly. H parents were fine without being on the invites bc usually it is just brides parents or whoever is hosting.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown · September 2010

They're both kind of right. Hosting doesn't necessarily mean paying, but back in the day, the people who paid also hosted, and that was the bride's parents. No, more and more people include all parents or write "together with their families."

We didn't include parents' names as we are paying for everything ourselves. (Our parents are literally just guests - they're coming from out of town, so it's hard for them to do anything.) We did not get any complaints about the wording.

FutureMrsMcDaniel · September 2010

I don't think anyone is ever going to agree on this subject. Who's paying and what do they want?

I am from the camp that if someone is helping pay for a wedding, they at least get an opinion about the wedding planning. For my wedding, my parents helped us pay. My husband's mother did not. I handmade our invitations and never thought to include my MIL's name. She had no part in planning anything wedding related. She just came as a guest to the wedding. I didn't leave her name off the invitation as punishment by any means. I am somewhat traditional and have never received an invitation with the groom's parents' name on it and I find it excessive to include both sets of parents' names on the invite, especially if only one or neither are paying.

As for 'hosting', I've never understood this. When I host a birthday party, I plan it and buy the necessary party supplies I need: food, games, decorations, etc. Therefore, I am hosting the party. I wouldn't want someone else to say they are hosting when I did all the work for the party. I don't find weddings any different.

SaraAndrew2010 · September 2010

Noth sets of parents are contributing to our wedding, my parents more than his. We are using the wording:
Mr. and Mrs. Bridesparents
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daugher
Bride
to Groom
son of Mr. and Mrs. Groomsparents

MobKaz · September 2010

I am the mom of a bride. We are hosting/paying for the majority of the wedding. On the invitations, after we list the name of our daughter and her groom, we are including, "son of Mr. and Mrs. XXXXX".

We are doing this for several reasons:
1. The groom is not an orphan; his parents should be acknowledged and respected.
2. Most people either no longer remember or no longer care what "tradition" dictates.
3. Although there is an invitation "code", most people don't understand it, or no longer worry about it.

If your folks are paying, ask for their opinion and suggestions. Ask your fiance whether he thinks his parents have any expectation or care in regards to the matter. Make a thoughtful, respectful decision.

cutiepie12702 · September 2010

Unless your FI is estranged/not close to his parents I think it would be rude not to include them on the invite whether they are paying or not paying. These people are going to be your future mother and father in-laws, so you should honor them with respect. Afterall, they raised FI and turned him into the great guy you know and love today, so why not include them on the invite? It's a simple way of making sure they don't feel slighted or unimportant, since this is a big day for them as well. My parents and FI's parents are both contributing to the wedding, and I am following tradition with:
Mr. & Mrs. x
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
X
to
X
son of Mr. and Mrs. x

Just to note, I would have done that whether they contributde or not. My parents were married 28 years ago tomorrow, and they also put the "son of" line in their invite, so to me that is traditional and respectful.

2dBride · September 2010

At my first wedding (back in 1977), we used:

Mr. and Mrs. Bride's Father
Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Father
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their children
Bride
and
Groom...

Both the groom's family and mine had contributed financially to the wedding. And even if they hadn't, it just seemed silly to act as though I had parents, but he was dropped fully formed on earth or something.

colourz · September 2010

When looking up wording for invites, I read that for Jewish weddings both parents names are listed (as shown on previous reply) regardless of who pays.

clearheavens · September 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_customs-traditions_question-fis-parents-names-invitation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:36Discussion:b628327b-c9b2-4ffd-a71f-57ae4edb8e3dPost:532da745-ce37-48df-82e3-7ac5635666a5">Re: Question about FI's parents' names on invitation?</a>:
[QUOTE]When looking up wording for invites, I read that for Jewish weddings both parents names are listed (as shown on previous reply) regardless of who pays.
Posted by colourz[/QUOTE]

<div>Yeah, in some cultures, it is mandatory to put both parents on the invitation, regardless if they are paying or not or even if they are living or not. One example is the Vietnamese culture where I come from. It signifies that the bride and groom are not orphans.</div>

Allie&COCO11 · December 2010

I may have some trouble with this.

My father is deceased, my mom is remarried and FI's parents are divorced and remarried.
I don't want to dismiss my father but don't know how listing two 'dads' would look....

What would the suggested format for wording be....?

Calypso1977 · December 2010

grooms parents most appropriately belong on the wedding announcements, nto the invitations. but many put them on the invites now.

Allie - your deceased father would not be listed on the invitation, unless you put:

Allie Coco
daughter of
Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
and the late Mr. Sam Coco

however, many think that placing a deceased relative's name on the invite takes from the happy occasion that a wedding is supposed to be.

Question about FI's parents' names on invitation?

Re: Question about FI's parents' names on invitation?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Question about FI's parents' names on invitation?

Re: Question about FI&#039;s parents&#039; names on invitation?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards

Re: Question about FI's parents' names on invitation?