FI vent..we r done!

msbdumas · October 2012

Thats what he txt me after an argument we had "we r done ! "

We had one of many long discussions last night. This is not the 1st time we have got into an argument and he calls hisself breaking up with me. Im like you cant do that every time have an argument. When we get married are you gon say you want a divorce ?!

He always wants to refer to his last marriage and exwife. I told him he cant do that. Im not her and nothing like how she was. Its ok if we have an argument. Thats we're going to do. I told him i feel like he's trying to sabatoge our marriage before we even get there. Its not fair to me. He says im right and he's just scared..he dosent want us to end up divorce . I told him marriage is work, im up for the work we have to put in to it.

He talkin bout we gotta have a plan and all this other stuff. I told him I dont want my marriage to be scritped it has to be natural. We can have plans but at the same time let things happen as they are supposed to.

So all in all..what i got from this conversations is we have to go see a pastor for some pre marriage counsling or a marriage counslore.

Sorry kinds long..vent over

CaseynMike · October 2012

awww ((hugs)) I will keep you all in my prayers. I pray that it all works out fo you both. Pray about it!! Love you sissy!

footballwife77 · October 2012

BIG HUGS!!!! i'm praying that it all works out! get into that couseling STAT!

MrsSmith2Be02 · October 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_fi-ventwe-r-done-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:dfec761d-fe24-4878-bab0-3dcd2f6ecde7Post:d0883018-1ce5-461f-995a-0e3d89a672b8">FI vent..we r done!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thats what he txt me after an argument we had "we r done ! " We had one of many long discussions last night. This is not the 1st time we have got into an argument and he calls hisself breaking up with me. Im like you cant do that every time have an argument. When we get married are you gon say you want a divorce ?! He always wants to refer to his last marriage and exwife. I told him he cant do that. Im not her and nothing like how she was. Its ok if we have an argument. Thats we're going to do. I told him i feel like he's trying to sabatoge our marriage before we even get there. Its not fair to me. He says im right and he's just scared..he dosent want us to end up divorce . I told him marriage is work, im up for the work we have to put in to it. He talkin bout we gotta have a plan and all this other stuff. I told him I dont want my marriage to be scritped it has to be natural. We can have plans but at the same time let things happen as they are supposed to. So all in all..what i got from this conversations is we have to go see a pastor for some pre marriage counsling or a marriage counslore. Sorry kinds long..vent over
Posted by msbdumas[/QUOTE]

Awww hun! {{HUGS}} I've been there....have probably called the wedding off at least twice in the past year. You have 6 months left.....its not the end. Sorry. HOWEVER, yes marriage is work and he is right you do need a plan. In our counseling session on Saturday we talked about relationship planning, savings plan, family plan, etc....just plan. It helps when there is structure and yes everybody loves the Go with the Flow, but what happens when your flow goes the way you weren't intending and you never discussed and contingency planning...then what?

Im a total advocate for premarital counseling. Told FI I wouldn't marry him without it. Its different being boyfriend / girlfriend / fiance/ shacking or not. When you are in a now covenant with God.....its all or nothing. So get ready for the ride dear!

msbdumas · October 2012

We are definitly doing consuling. Because I think he still has some issues about his last marriage..not so much the exwife but just how the marriage was and how it was done. I completly understand how he wants to make it right this time but he cant compare the 2..there is none ! So looking for marriage consulor is on my agenda this week.

nursing2u · October 2012

I truly agree with counseling. Not to say one person is right or wrong.. BUT.. FOR COMMUNICATION.. there has to b a way both of you can express your fears.thoughts in a neutral setting.. I know you guys will get through this...the past is always hard to let go of.. A plan is a good way to handle everyday arguments And "world war three Arguments"..lol