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Tuitiion as a Wedding gift?

Hi fellow stressed out, overachieving smart people!
My wedding date is July of next year but we have already registered at a few stores and set up an online account at deposit a gift. We did that because we are an older couple and have alot of things but need things like $ for home renovations and honeymoon fund. I also added tuition on there. I am in a Ph.D program and although right now I have a scholarship, I wont next year. My FI is ok with having it on there- just wondering- will people think its tacky and inappropriate?
Thanks!

Re: Tuitiion as a Wedding gift?

  • edited September 2012
    In Response to Tuitiion as a Wedding gift?:
    [QUOTE]Hi fellow stressed out, overachieving smart people! My wedding date is July of next year but we have already registered at a few stores and set up an online account at deposit a gift. We did that because we are an older couple and have alot of things but need things like $ for home renovations and honeymoon fund. I also added tuition on there. I am in a Ph.D program and although right now I have a scholarship, I wont next year. My FI is ok with having it on there- just wondering- will people think its tacky and inappropriate? Thanks!
    Posted by pandozas[/QUOTE]

    Asking for cash in any way shape or form (like deposit a gift) is completely inappropriate.  My husband (MBA) and I (JD) would be so offput by your adding your tuition onto your cash registry, we'd probably get you something along the lines of a big piggy bank as a gift.
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  • I agree with pp.  That's tacky.  You can pay for your education yourselves.  Or do what most other people do, and take out loans.
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  • annmarie714annmarie714 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2012
    Tacky beyond belief.  An acquaintance of H's put on their invites "cash gifts preferred"...you know what they got? NOTHING.
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  • WOW. Apparently I asked for that attack. Is this the snarky brides or students forum? I suggest you all visit deposit a gift and actually see what it is all about. It is fairly equivalent to a honey fund site. I think registering for items you don't need is wasteful and dishonest. It is not a measure of etiquette to register for place settings if they are not needed. As for student loans. I prefer to avoid excessive debt which I already have from undergrad and grad and try to find other funding, pay out or get academic scholarship. Good luck to all of you and take a study break!
  • In Response to Re:Tuitiion as a Wedding gift?:
    [QUOTE]WOW. Apparently I asked for that attack. Is this the snarky brides or students forum? I suggest you all visit deposit a gift and actually see what it is all about. It is fairly equivalent to a honey fund site. I think registering for items you don't need is wasteful and dishonest. It is not a measure of etiquette to register for place settings if they are not needed. As for student loans. I prefer to avoid excessive debt which I already have from undergrad and grad and try to find other funding, pay out or get academic scholarship. Good luck to all of you and take a study break!
    Posted by pandozas[/QUOTE]

    So your cash registry is the same as another cash registry.  Still rude.

    Nobody said you should register for things that you don't need.  DH and I combined two households when we got married, charities got a lot of really nice donations and we still managed to put together a small registry of upgrades.  The vast majority of people took the hint and gave us cash.  We even had items left of the registry after the wedding.  People are not stupid.  They know that cash is always a welcome gift - especially when the ones getting married are still in school.  The willingness to give it though goes away when someone has their hand out asking for it specifically.
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  • OP, you asked if it was tacky and inappropriate.  People are telling you that it's tacky and inappropriate, because it is.  I don't understand why you're getting angry at an honest answer to an honest question.  It's not personal.

    People know cash is a good gift without you having to register for it.  You can even tell people who ask specifically what you want as a wedding gift that you're saving up for home repairs and tuition.  You can then put whatever cash you receive towards these things.  But registering for cash in any form is still considered rude by many, many people.  It's obviously not considered rude by everyone, as evidenced by the prevalence of honeyfund and other similar sites.  But some people will certainly be offended.

  • I agree with everyone else.  It's tacky.  If you want money for things simply don't make a registry and by word of mouth let people know you'd prefer money.  Also, those registry sites take out a portion so you won't be getting everything someone "spends" for you anyway so you're better off the cash/check option.
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  • Lots of people have student debt and/or expenses--that doesn't mean they should ask their friends and family to donate in support of that.  Everyone likes money, and everyone knows that people like money, so it's totally unnecessary to register for something like that.  It only comes off as tacky, and will probably offend some of your guests.
  • In Response to Re: Tuitiion as a Wedding gift?:
    [QUOTE]Tacky beyond belief.  An acquaintance of H's put on their invites "cash gifts preferred"...you know what they got? NOTHING.
    Posted by annmarie714[/QUOTE]

    Did you GO to the wedding?
    OP, I wouldn't. As PP said, any "request" for cash gifts is never appropriate. If I were you, I'd register for gift cards to the places you go to a lot to save you money in the long run. (i.e, a Target gift card for $100 can equal that month's toiletries bill) It will give you more money to save and pay your own tuition. 
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  • In Response to Re: Tuitiion as a Wedding gift?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tuitiion as a Wedding gift? : Did you GO to the wedding? OP, I wouldn't. As PP said, any "request" for cash gifts is never appropriate. If I were you, I'd register for gift cards to the places you go to a lot to save you money in the long run. (i.e, a Target gift card for $100 can equal that month's toiletries bill) It will give you more money to save and pay your own tuition. 
    Posted by dande2129[/QUOTE]

    What does it matter if she went to the wedding?

    GCs are the same as cash so it is also inappropriate to register for them.
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  • Why would I give money towards your tuition when I have my own student loans to pay off?You've got to be kidding me. 
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  • In Response to Re: Tuitiion as a Wedding gift?:
    [QUOTE]Why would I give money towards your tuition when I have my own student loans to pay off?You've got to be kidding me. 
    Posted by JordanF13[/QUOTE]

    This. Please don't do that. Don't register and people will get the idea you want cash. People will give what they want and gifts shouldn't be expected. 

  • edited September 2012
    I would just ask for a cash and not tuition money since that just seems rude. 

    A lot of people find cash rude and tacky in general, but my cousin did it. They were moving to South Korea and gifts were just not for them because they couldn't bring them. No on complained and everyone did as she wished. We thought it was a smart idea and they were saving up for a house, so money was more important to them. 

    However, it might be a little different since we all understood she couldn't bring a vacuum or toaster to South Korea.....

    It really doesn't matter what people say here. It matters what your family thinks. Ask your parents first  and anyone else you feel comfortable asking. If they feel it would be rude or not. If they don't, I think then it would be safe. But like I said don't mention tuition at all, people don't want to pay for your tuition, they want to give you money to help you buy a house or things you need as a married couple. 
  • Wedding gifts are supposed to be physical gifts that are wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting, mirroring the giver's fervent hope that the couple's marriage be wonderful and heartfelt and long-lasting.

    By inviting these people to your wedding, you've asked your friends and family to be witnesses to your wedding ceremony, and as witnesses, those people are mentors for your marriage. Their gifts represent their acceptance of your request for their mentorship, and their gifts represent their presence in your lives and hearts forever.

    When you see/use these gifts, you are reminded that you have a circle of people around you as a couple, people who you can call on, people who have pledged their support of you two as a couple. You don’t appreciate the strength of this circle right now, but when you are married for a while and you need to buy a car or a house or you need advice on an investment or having kids, you will be grateful for these people. 

    The following ideas do not match with what a wedding gift is supposed to represent, and in fact, just demand that people give you money instead of a wedding gift: tuition money, a downpayment registry, a mortgage registry, a honeymoon registry, a “donation” to your fav charity, a money dance, a money tree, a greenback wedding or shower (where the guests bring cash), a plastic wedding or shower (where the guests bring gift cards), or an outright request for cash.
  • I wouldn't ask for cash OR tuition money. So rude.

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  • In Response to Tuitiion as a Wedding gift?:
    [QUOTE]Hi fellow stressed out, overachieving smart people! My wedding date is July of next year but we have already registered at a few stores and set up an online account at deposit a gift. We did that because we are an older couple and have alot of things but need things like $ for home renovations and honeymoon fund. I also added tuition on there. I am in a Ph.D program and although right now I have a scholarship, I wont next year. My FI is ok with having it on there- just wondering- will people think its tacky and inappropriate? Thanks!
    Posted by pandozas[/QUOTE]

    I think enough people give money as a wedding gift that you don't have to register for it.     From what I've seen, about half of the guest list will give money anyway.  I would say skip registering for it, but on your actual gift registry, don't register for items you don't need.  People understand that money is important for a new couple, and your family and friends especially should understand this if they know you are in school and paying tuition.  However, I also think that in some families, registering for money could be seen as an ok thing to do, so I think talking to someone in your family and your fiances family about this to get their opinion would be a good resource for you.   Personally, I would say skip registering for it, but your guest's opinions are the ones that really matter, not mine.
  • Why not just have a teeny tiny registry? People will get the hint and either 1) give you money in some form or 2) buy you a physical gift. -- If you get a gift you don't like, maybe there will be a gift reciept so you can return it and buy something else with it- say a pan set from BB&B- return it and buy shampoo, gifts for others, travel essentials. Even though the solution to #2 is tacky, its at least more discreet.

    Asking for money is rude. Period. People want to buy you things that the TWO of you can use together, not cash to pay off YOUR school.
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  • In Response to Re: Tuitiion as a Wedding gift?:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Tuitiion as a Wedding gift? : What does it matter if she went to the wedding? GCs are the same as cash so it is also inappropriate to register for them.
    Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]


    But doesn't Target automatically put a register option for Gift Card??
    August 9, 2015
  • Why are you all being so mean? This is the college board. None of you are probably old enough to be this stuffy and offended. Lighten up. People have different needs and if the wedding guests want to contribute to these needs, that is great. If not, they can buy something else. 
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