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Bridal Shower - Sorry so long!

alileigh412alileigh412 member
10 Comments
in New Jersey
Hi Ladies,
I'm looking for some feed back.
My best friend is the MOH for another friends wedding this November. The MOB wants to have to have the shower in August because that fits best into her schedule and she would like to have it in an area BP is not too familiar with because it is in between the bride's and groom's fams. No problem.
MOH asks MOB for an approximate head count, now this is where I think it gets a bit odd, so please tell me your thoughts.
MOB is planning to inviting about 120 women to the shower, wedding GL is about 200.
MOH and I think that is an absurd approximation for a shower. MOB thinks that since it will be in August and most people vacation in August, 120 women will not attend... but that is just an assumption.
Here is the dilemma, the only "restaurants" in the area that can hold this many people are banquet halls that are quoting ~$55-65/pp if the space is even available. AND most of those spaces have a minimum guarantee of at least 75 people and up.
MOB does not have a lot of money and is not willing to budge on the head count so she is expecting the BP to cover the majority of the costs because whatever money she does have is going into the actual wedding. At this point, we are looking at about $4K just for the venue, not including tax, tip, center pieces and favors.
So, what are your thoughts?
Am I correct in thinking that 120 is way too many people?
What is an average head count for showers? Most i've been to are about 40 women.
How can MOH talk to MOB without offending her?
Thanks for your help!
A

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Re: Bridal Shower - Sorry so long!

  • goaliegirlgoaliegirl member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    wow!! That is a huge guestlist for the shower!!    Especially, If the guest list is only 200 for the wedding.     And, not every woman gets invited to the shower that gets invited to the wedding.  Of course the families of the both the bride and groom, but any others should be people close to the bride.    I think it is excessive when all these extra people are invited.   Most showers I have been to have been from 40-60 people.

    The MOH needs to be honest with the MOB and say that the BP cannot afford it.   The MOH should tell the MOB exactly how much the BP can afford and if the MOB wants it to be bigger then she needs to cover the cost.   
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  • Little SpitfireLittle Spitfire
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    IMO, it doesn't matter what's typical (although I will say 120 is not typical), it matters what the BP can afford, and they cannot afford a shower that size.  The unfortunate task of having this discussion with the MOB falls on the MOH, but it needs to be said.  It's pretty ballsy of the MOB to dictate the list and expect other people to pay!
    BabyFetus Ticker
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    120 is insane.

    First, MOH needs to talk to all of the other bridesmaids privately and find out what each girl is willing to contribute to the shower. MOH needs to have a solid number to work with.

    Then MOH needs to go to MOB and say politely but firmly, "I've talked with the other bridesmaids and we've agreed that we can afford to contribute a total of $X. If you would like to host that kind of shower, then we will contribute that amount and you can cover the rest. Otherwise, if you prefer that we host the shower ourselves, then we will need to scale back the plans to something we can all afford - with a smaller guest list and/or a simpler menu."

    Worst-case scenario, MOH can tell MOB to host whatever she wants and the other bridesmaids will gladly attend as guests. Or, MOB can host whatever kind of shower she wants (or not host one at all), and the bridesmaids will host their own shower according to their own plans/budget. But you should not allow MOB to steamroll you into something ridiculous.

    It is by no means rude for MOH to tell MOB that this is not reasonable. If anything, MOB is the one being rude for insisting on such a lavish party and not volunteering to pay for most/all of it. If MOB gets offended that the BMs are not willing to fork over the cash for a party that they had no input in planning, then that is MOB's own fault. As long as MOH stays polite and has a set budget amount to present to MOB, MOH has no reason to be ashamed. None of you are being bad friends/bridesmaids by not wanting to go into debt over a party.

    And MOH should speak to MOB in person or over the phone, not via e-mail/Facebook/text.
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  • alileigh412alileigh412 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    My thoughts exactly! I almost died when MOH told me the guest count.  I thought that with this many people, the entire theme of the day would get lost. Not to mention how hectic running the shower would get.
    Thanks for your feed back, now I know I'm not crazy.
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  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011

    I agree that 120 people seems excessive.. and even if the guest list was at 60, if the BP can't afford it, then a discussion needs to take place.
    My wedding guest list is 187 people, and 65 women were invited to my shower.. most of the showers I have attended had about 40 to 60 people as well.


    If the MOB is insisting on inviting that many people, and it is above the budget of the BP, then she needs to make up the difference in money, or cut her list.
    The only other option I can think of is tell the MOB what the BP party budget is, and let her find a place that will fit in the budget and accomodate all of her guests.

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  • cutiepie12702cutiepie12702
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    If the mother wants 120 people, she needs to stick her hand in her pocket. That is an insane amount of people to invite to a shower - the bride would never be able to finish openeing all of the gifts considering most showers are 3-4 hours. The recent showers I've been to have had 40-70 people attending. I just paid for my friend's shower and we invited 62 people....and had 68 show up!!! People actually called up the MOH asking why they weren't on the invite list, and other people brought their children along. Planning showers is a really big headache, or at least that's what I had after my friend's. Her mother did not chip in anything and I was NOT happy I had to pay for 68 guests, but I did it. 120 would not fly with me though - people need to say this is my budget, this is what we can afford, and go from there. I can't imagine the bride is THAT close with so many people...there has to be people she can cut off. I would ask the bride who SHE wants invited. Let her fight with her mother if her mother isn't happy she's cutting people from the list. Afterall, it is her party and she should have who she wants there.

    What area is the shower being held in? I've seen places anywhere from $20 to $50. There has to be somewhere cheaper than the places they have found.
    BabyFetus Ticker
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  • cindyn9178cindyn9178 member
    1000 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-jersey_bridal-shower-sorry-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local Wedding BoardsForum:90Discussion:c12a204a-f7d1-4932-a707-184f459b495fPost:1a5bda7d-4561-4638-9e03-445c5a385d61">Re: Bridal Shower - Sorry so long!</a>:
    [QUOTE]If the mother wants 120 people, she needs to stick her hand in her pocket. That is an insane amount of people to invite to a shower - the bride would never be able to finish openeing all of the gifts considering most showers are 3-4 hours. The recent showers I've been to have had 40-70 people attending. I just paid for my friend's shower and we invited 62 people....and had 68 show up!!! People actually called up the MOH asking why they weren't on the invite list, and other people brought their children along. Planning showers is a really big headache, or at least that's what I had after my friend's. Her mother did not chip in anything and I was NOT happy I had to pay for 68 guests, but I did it. 120 would not fly with me though - people need to say this is my budget, this is what we can afford, and go from there. I can't imagine the bride is THAT close with so many people...there has to be people she can cut off. I would ask the bride who SHE wants invited. Let her fight with her mother if her mother isn't happy she's cutting people from the list. Afterall, it is her party and she should have who she wants there. What area is the shower being held in? I've seen places anywhere from $20 to $50. There has to be somewhere cheaper than the places they have found.
    Posted by cutiepie12702[/QUOTE]
    Have a BBQ!
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  • Danes983Danes983 member
    1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    We are going to need an update on this ASAP. I have to know what happens!
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  • maddie7maddie7 member
    500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Vicenzo's in Middlesex NJ charges a lot less per person and its wonderful! Try a cheaper place!
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  • Babycakes SEBabycakes SE member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Yea 120 way too much.  I thought mine was big when they invited 70 people!  If she insists on that many people- maybe a firehouse hall or VFW would work.  My engagement party was at a firehouse and we had 125 people there.  FMIL cooked everything (she is an amazing little italian woman!) and even baked cookies! 

    But I agree with PP, have MOH call MOB and talk about a budget and what is reasonable for the BP.  I agree it also must be done in person/phone call and NOT by email because people always read emails the wrong way and then tensions get high.  Good Luck though- let us know how it turns out!

    image 291 Invited
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  • alileigh412alileigh412 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I must say that I love knotties!

    As of right, MOH is emailing all BM's asking what is affordable for them to put into the shower and get a BP gift. Once she gets that all together she is going to call MOB and explain the situation.
    I honestly think that the MOB has no clue what she is doing... I dont think she realizes how showers are planned, etc.

    They are looking in the Rutherford area.

    Stay tuned... I will post more, I promise.
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  • michelle221michelle221 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    edited December 2011
    Try Il Tulipano in Cedar Grove. They can accomodate all your guests and have a great shower buffet package for approx. $40 pp. 
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