What do you think about this guest?

Re: What do you think about this guest?

• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2012

  This is a ridiculous thing to get bent out of shape over. I had a couple leave my wedding right after the ceremony because they were both recovering alcoholics that were very recently sober. I was very honored that they came and was really proud of their decision to take care of themselves and their sobriety.
  
  The point of that long story is just to say that you have no idea what their reasoning is and it really doesn't matter. They came to see you get married which is why you invited them.

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• mari0225

  

  January 2012

  The last two weddings that FI and I went to we had to leave early, we did eat our food at both places but left before the cake was cut. Sometimes things come up or they had other plans. The point is they did take the time to come and see you get married.

  

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• emarston1 member

  

  January 2012

  In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_think-this-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:a3ce7700-e64f-4d40-a845-9c66883894e8Post:40d755c2-3cfe-4db9-abda-c3760bf8226c">Re: What do you think about this guest?</a>:
  [QUOTE]Maybe one if them had the runs and didn't want to announce their illness. It's not worth agonizing why they left.
  Posted by KindaSparkly[/QUOTE]
  Love it :)
  
  Or maybe their plans changed after their RSVP'd yes and didn't want you to get mad that they didn't show up.  I agree that this is a ridiculous thing to be bent out of shape over.  You had a beauitful wedding, why are you dwelling on this insignificant detail?  If you're that pissed, send them a bill for the food they didn't eat and call it a day.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  Obviously kidding about that last point.

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• banana468 member

  

  January 2012 edited January 2012

  It's silly to get bent out of shape over it.
  
  But IMO I do think it's rude to show up to the reception and not eat the meal.  The hosts planned for them to be there and they weren't.    IMO a, "We're so sorry but we're not feeling well so we need to head out," would have been much better than a matter-of-fact, "We're leaving now."
  
  I'd feel the same way if someone showed up to my home for Thanksgiving dinner and left after they ate the shrimp cocktail.  Sure it's great that they were there but I also factored them into the headcount when I set the table, pulled out my China and made sure the crystal was clean.  That's now an empty seat at the table and that means two empty chairs at the reception that weren't occupied by guests so some guests had fewer people to talk to.  
  

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• baystateapple member

  

  January 2012

  Admittedly it's a pain in the neck because you paid for them and they didn't stay.  But think of it this way: they might have just skipped the whole thing without calling.  That's what about 10 of our guests did.  No explanation.  Be glad that they cared enough to come see you get married, and said goodbye before they left.

  

  Books read in 2012: 21/50

  

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• kate2188

  

  January 2012

  I agree with banana that it was rude to leave without eating, but maybe something came up so they couldn't stay that long or one of them was ill and they didn't feel comfortable/didn't feel the need to explain it to you. As PPs have already said, they were there for the important part- watching you get married.

  

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• graysquirrel member

  

  January 2012

  It does sound kind of strange, and I am sorry that you had to pay for food that they didn't eat, but the most important part of this was your marriage. Isn't that what this is all about, to share the moment you are husband and wife with family and friends? They came and celebrated that with you. They made an effort to be there, which says something.

  

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• banana468 member

  

  January 2012

  FWIW, we had a guest who told us she wasn't coming to the reception but was going to go to the church in advance and we planned for it that way.
  
  Sure things happen, but they just cost the OP her money.  If that happened to us we would have been out $200. In the grand scheme of things maybe that's not huge but it's still a lot of money to be out if they knew in advance.  That's all I'm saying.
  
  Too often I see on here "you're married and that's what matters," but that's rather silly IMO.  I love my husband dearly but that doesn't mean rudness causing me to spend my money foolishly won't upset me.

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• emarston1 member

  

  January 2012

  Banana - I get what you're saying and I agree with you that it was rude of the couple not to eat dinner and that this cost the OP money. 
  
  It's also very possible that something came up at the very last minute and the OP would have paid for their plates regardless of whether they told her ahead of time.  Our final count was due a week before so if anyone had something come up that week before the wedding, we would have been SOL and had to pay for them anyway.
  
  But in the grand scheme of things, I don't see what the big deal is.  I can understand a "huh, well that sucks" a few days after but to create an account almost a month after your wedding to dwell on it, is a little over the top IMO.  There's nothing you can do to change it and you are already out your money so I would just move on and let it be.

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• banana468 member

  

  January 2012

  For me it would all depend on what I did to pay for the wedding.
  
  With many couples paying for their weddings themselves, that could be multiple shifts worth of work, a cut back on a honeymoon destination or a sacrifice in another area for those two people.
  
  And I completely understand that some things do come up at the last minute and it's a bit over the top to dwell on it.  My only point is that it IS rude to do what they did.

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• sarahslove member

  

  January 2012

  It's amazing that people think I'm "bent out of shape", "pissed" and "over the top" because I made this post. I came to theknot to look up some other after-wedding stuff on my day off of work and the thought of this guest crossed my mind while I was here. I mean, this is the etiquette section of the blog where people can post about their experiences, right?

  
  

  sheesh

  
  

   We had a couple guests  who didnt show up at all (note that I didnt create a post for this lol) 

  
  

  It was rude of the 2 guests (DH's step relatives) to leave mainly b/c I think they knew they weren't staying. The way they approached us was just odd...can't really explain it.  I think other relatives maybe "forced" them to come although they are grown adults and prob didnt want to come. There's a lot more to this story but I'm not getting into it.  I just would have rather received a "yes, were coming to the ceremony but not reception" response. 

  
  

  Good night!

  
  

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