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Confirmation

klee3klee3 member
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in Catholic Weddings
Hi Everyone,

I have a frustrating situation, and I wanted to see if anyone encountered similar or had any words of wisdom.  My FI is Catholic, but only goes to church a few times a year.  He wants our children to be raised Catholic and has promised to do so to our priest.  However, he has not been confirmed.  I'm a practicing Catholic, and I go to mass every weekend basically.  I've been confirmed, and I have also promised to raise our children Catholic.  Our priest wants my FI to begin the confirmation process, and my FI feels that it's not something he wants to do.  He feels like he doesn't want to lie to the priest by starting it and stopping after the wedding.  I'm feeling frustrated, because it's very important for me to get married in the church.  I know this doesn't necessarily matter, but I've also had friends who weren't confirmed and they were allowed to marry.

Let me know your thoughts!

Thanks!!!
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Re: Confirmation

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    mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You do not need to be a confirmed Catholic to be married in the Catholic church.

    Your FI should do what is right for him.  If he does not feel spiritually ready to undergo RCIA, then he shouldn't.  
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    oh_mariaoh_maria
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    If the priest is adament, possibly talking to the Diocese and Bishop's office could be useful... My FI is Southern Baptist/not baptized and my diocese has been wonderful with helping me out with our "religious differences."

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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_catholic-weddings_confirmation?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:615Discussion:9784452a-48ac-4827-ab50-e0def4efd205Post:958982fb-52b5-425c-a06d-4a38d8b5c35c">Re: Confirmation</a>:
    [QUOTE]You do not need to be a confirmed Catholic to be married in the Catholic church. Your FI should do what is right for him.  If he does not feel spiritually ready to undergo RCIA, then he shouldn't.  
    Posted by mica178[/QUOTE]

    confirmation is NOT required in order to receive the sacrament of marriage.  one should be confirmed if it doesnt cause "grave inconvenience" but it isnt required.  my guess is that in time, particularly when children arrive, your FI might want to take that step, but i dont think he should feel forced into it for the wedding.
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    wifeandmommy0609wifeandmommy0609
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    M Fl isn't confirmed either ( I am not catholic at all yet anyways. I am doing RCIA classes right now and so is he to get confirmed)

    I know this is a little off topic but FL and I decides not to have a church wedding until I was ready to "commit". We got married Civil in 2008 and since catholics are only allowed 1 marriage by the church we decides to put if off until we both felt we were ready. So after having our two girls and baptize them in the catholic church I realized I wanted to be come catholic for m family( if that make any sense.)  SO no i am going through the classes and will be a Catholic on Easter weekend and the weekend after easter we are having our church wedding.

    I guess what i am trying to say is if he isn't ready don't rush him.. One day he might change his mind and want to finish is Confirmation.
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    agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Everyone here is talking about how to get out of doing Confirmation before marriage.
    I'm going to be the one person who goes the other direction...

    how come? Confirmation is a sacrament of initiation. Marriage is a vocational sacrament. It only makes sense that one would want to be fully initiated into the faith when they are wanting to choose a vocation inside it. It really doesn't make sense the other way.

    The priest is right for encouraging Confirmation. He's probably hoping that the sacramental grace and Holy Spirit will work on FI so that he will be fulfilling his obligations to God, the church, and his future family by attending mass every week.
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    SoHappyToBeMrsCSoHappyToBeMrsC
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    edited December 2011
    Ditto PP. Confirmation is not necessary.
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    Riss91Riss91 member
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    edited December 2011
    I kind of agree with agape - if your husband has always associated himself with the Catholic faith, and wants to raise his children in it then I think he should at least make an attempt to go through the confirmation process. It will help him decide whether or not he truly wishes to fully be part of the church.

    After participating in some of the preparation, if he feels like he does not fit in with the faith, he can still choose not to be confirmed. But, there's no harm in trying, right? Many people sign up for RCIA not knowing whether it's right for them....

    I do agree that he doesn't need to be confirmed in order to be married in the Church and that if he really doesn't believe in the Church's teachings it would be disingenuous to be confirmed.

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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    i agree wtih agape's points about confirmation helping to bring the person back to the church through the sacrament and graces it offers.  however, i think there is a difference between a priest suggesting/encouraging it, and one who says "i wont marry you until you are confirmed".  there are some dioceses/priests who say this, and i feel they cannot since canon law does not require it before marriage (but does encourage it).  OP mentioned she has friends who werent allowed to marry without confirmation.  this is wrong, IMO.
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    mica178mica178 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Of course I think it would be ideal if your FI completed his Catholic education and was confirmed.  However, it is not a requirement for marriage.  And if your FI anticipates dropping out of RCIA after getting married I feel like he hasn't reached the point where he is ready.  Isn't the first part of RCIA reflection on your intent to become a fully practicing Catholic?  It sounds like he has that question answered already.
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    agapecarrieagapecarrie member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is much more to a priest saying that he won't marry someone who isn't confirmed then just the appearance of it.

    Canon law has a lot of intricaces and is interpreted certain ways. Reading canon law does not make one a canon lawyer.

    The reason that canon law exists the way it does is not necessarily for a situation like this. There can be many various reasons why a Catholic is not confirmed and it would make a situation worse if marriage is delayed. Remember that canon law exists for the whole church world wide...to cover persecuted Christians, civil unjustices, etc.

    A priest requiring confirmation, is not just him "requiring confirmation" necessarily... it could be that he sees lots of problems, especially with the man who is supposed to be the spiritual head of the household not caring if he is in the state of mortal sin by missing mass. The requirement of confirmation before marriage is a serious one, that canon law allows for (in her charity) exceptions. If a person is requesting form the church a vocational sacrament, in all honesty, they should be initiated previously...

    We don't know the whole story, but I suggest that its probably not helpful to be encouraging someone how to "get out of" requirements, but rather encouraging them that the requirements are good and helpful, and can possibly save souls.

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