Is this rude?

rutha07 · October 2012

Ok, so I'm having a small wedding meaning i cannot invite everyone from our church. Is it rude to invite them to the wedding shower if they're not going to be invited to the wedding?

AMYM312 · October 2012

Yes. It's basically saying they are welcome to buy you gifts but not good enough to host at the wedding.

Mademoiselle D · October 2012

We had a similar question like yours a few weeks ago and from what I can summerize all their answers which was it depends. Some people may be offended in being invited to a wedding shower and not being invited to the actual wedding. On the flip side, there are some people who actually understand the couple's situation and still want to share a moment with the soon to-be bride and groom and will gladly attend to the wedding shower. My best advice to you is consider how these individuals will feel and do they know your situation. If they are aware and understanding and still want to be part of your wedding process then I would say invite them. If not, then just hold an intimate wedding shower or bridal party.

I think Amy's answer is a bit extreme in the message of "they are welcome to buy you gifts but not good enough to host at the wedding". Let's face it, weddings are expensive and I am sure there are things we all want for our weddings but have had to cut in some area and one of the major areas is the guest list. Just because you cannot invite a guest to your wedding due to budget it doesn't mean they are not good enough or aren't special to you as your other guests. The reality is that there are some guests that you have to invite no matter what which can be family members and family friends who you may have not spoken to in a long time, are not close to, or don't even know. This alone can take up a lot of space in your guest list and may leave little room to invite those people who you really want there on your day.

missv19732000 · October 2012

I feel that anyone involved with events surrounding the wedding should attend the wedding. So, in my opinion, it would be rude to invite someone to the shower, but not the actual wedding.

STBMrsDio · October 2012

I had the same issue. My wedding is a destination wedding however, and I had friends who told me they would really like to come to the shower because they wanted to celebrate. I invited a lot of people to the shower that are not invited to my wedding simply because a)my wedding is very intimate b)the people were basically insulted I hadn't thought to invite them to the shower. It had nothing to do with gifts, nobody does that anymore and if that's what people think of you they won't come to the shower in the first place. Why would you be friends with someone you think so little of???? I think it needs to be approached carefully but my guests didn't find it rude at all.

DaisyBoo36 · October 2012

IMO, if I was a church member (and was close to you or like you as a person) and knew you were on a tight budget that allows you have to a small wedding but still get invited to your shower then I would go. It's not easy to have to say no to some people but money talks and if you don't have the money for all then some people will have to be left out. It's not because you don't want them there, it's because you can't afford to have them all. Many brides do go through this. I say you know your church members the best from us so you should have a good idea if they would be offended if they got invited to the shower but the wedding.

Bat Mitzvah Mom · October 2012

If the church friends wanted to make you a shower to honor you even though they know that you can't invite them to the wedding, that's one thing...Kinda like when coworkers throw a shower when someone in the office gets married. But to invite them to a shower with guests that made the exclusive invitee list isn't appropriate IMO.

Is this rude?

Re: Is this rude?

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