this is the code for the render ad
Community› Wedding Discussion Boards› Wedding Party
Wedding Party
New Discussion

Bridesmaid help

smthibault86smthibault86 member
First Comment
in Wedding Party
I have 2 bridesmaids that I have been long time friends with (since elementary school) that have told me recently that they cannot make it to my bachelorette party nor my bridal shower. They both have legitamite reasons for doing so, one is moving pretty far away and one is now pregant. While I can totally sympathize with the fact that one may be tight on money after moving and the other cant drink/party while shes pregnant I feel that they should be making a little more effort to be there for me during this time.  They both are married and I was a bridesmaid in both weddings, attended bridal showers, dress fittings, bachelorette parties and overall just tried to help. It was not cheap but I feel that it was my duty as a BM and a friend to suck some of it up and deal. I might be a little bitter but it is frustrating. Am I being too harsh?? 
Report Reply to Post

Re: Bridesmaid help

  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    A little harsh, yes.  I undertand the disappointment, but you seem to understand that their lives couldn't be put on hold while you planned your wedding.  Neither one of your bridesmaids (friends, I hope) is acting maliciously - they both just have other things going on that reflect where they are with their lives and families. 

    It was great that you were able to be more present for your friends, but wedding participation isn't tit-for-tat.  You did want you wanted to and could based on where you were in your life when your friends were each married.  They seem to be doing the best they can for you.  Just keep in mind that you asked them to be bridesmaids (hopefully) to honor your friendship with them, not because they would be great party planners or DIYers.  Lean on your FI for the help with preparations.  Enjoy whatever time they can give to you, and don't stress about what they cannot join in at.
    image
    Anniversary


    Report Reply
  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yes, you are. It's a bummer, but you have to understand that sometimes other people's lives will come before your wedding. If they can't afford it, don't think they will have a good time, have other obligations, etc, you have to just accept that graciously. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    Report Reply
  • NightingalejulesNightingalejules member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    Just a little voice of solidarity with the bride. You seem to be really trying to be understanding, and I sense that part of the "frustration" is actually just wanting your friends to be there with you. I've never had a huge number of girlfriends, and the ones that I have, while awesome ladies, are really busy and spread all over the country. So my "bachelorette" party is probably going to be pretty tame. And I wish all my friends could come, but they probably can't, and that's disappointing and it makes me feel a little lonely, sometimes. Especially when I 'm planning a wedding, (it seems, when I'm feeling sorry for myself) all by myself.

    One of our ideas was to have a co-ed shower. My future MIL is hosting, and we'll be able to have a lot of our mutual friends, and it'll be a great time. Maybe you could do that, if you think an all girl traditional bridal shower will be underattended.

    Of course the rest of the world doesn't stop because we're getting married. And it's hard when you have a vision in your mind of throngs of your friends buzzing around to help and support you, but that doesn't happen. You know they still love you whether they're physically present or not. I know it's hard to remember that sometimes. But make sure you invite enough people to your parties to ensure you have a good time, and try to remember to be happy that you have friends you've known almost your whole life, and they'll be there on your big day!
    Report Reply
  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    It's ok to be frustrated but you need to let it go.  Its great you were there for all of their wedding related activities but did you live far away or were your pregnant?  Both of those factors are pretty legit and you need to think about the financial state they are in and how that could make it hard for them to be there.  I highly doubt they "don't want to" be there, but current life situations are interfering and that is OK.  Wouldn't you rather them be at your wedding over a party?  Let them know you understand and that they will be missed!
    image

    Anniversary
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards