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Guest List Vent/Confession - kind of long

anastassiiatanastassiiat
500 Comments First Anniversary
in June 2013 Weddings
So I have this girl that I'm inviting to my wedding but secretly hoping she RSVP's no. Does anybody else have people on their guest list they don't really care for but are inviting anyways? 

Back story: I've stayed at her house when I was an exchange student in high school, and even though we were living together for almost a year we weren't too close since we have completely different personalities (she was all about getting married and having babies pretty much right out of high school, and I was more about having fun before eventually settling down lol). We've reconnected a few years ago, and have been keeping in touch pretty frequently. She had her first baby about 6 months back, and she is one of the "natural" moms (natural birth, staying at home, no vaccines, etc., etc.) which I have absolutely no problem with BUT she is  super passive aggressive to everyone who thinks otherwise and it's been driving me up the wall lately! Like you really can't make a comment on anything she doesn't agree on without being nit-picked at.

She invited me to her wedding about 2 years ago which I couldn't make and I've promised that we'll see each other at my wedding, so I know that she's expecting an invite, but I am really hoping that something comes up and she can't make it either! Sorry if this is kind of long - just had to get it out. :)
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Re: Guest List Vent/Confession - kind of long

  • cnf2013cnf2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I don't think there's anyone like that on my list. Well unless you count a significant other that I'm not terribly fond of, but whatever. She'll just be background anyways. 

    I know you feel about the "natural" mommies. One of my BM's sisters is like that. I don't have a problem with it, people can parent however they see fit, but I can't stand the pompous attitude over it. This girls has three kids (she wasn't supposed to have any, she has fake heart valves and could have died and she keeps trying to get pregnant more), works for some NP breast feeding, parenting network thing and does nothing but talk about breast feeding. I'm pretty sure she only likes having babies, then once they get too old she gets over having them at all. She "unschools" her kids as she calls it, which means she technically homeschools, but lies on all the gov't forms then just sits on FB all day while complaining about how her kids are running wild and tearing her house apart. Her oldest is nine now and he clearly needs intervention services and special needs services, but she refuses to acknowledge it. Last I heard he was still learning the alphabet too. It's really sad. I think when done the right way these can be effective forms of parenting, but this girl is batshit crazy. And as far as vaccines are concerned, as  health professional I can assure you the risks of not vaccinating far outweigh the risks associated with side effects. Obviously, since whooping cough and measles have made a huge resurgence after being almost completely gone from American society for decades. 

    /rant. 
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  • bar10521bar10521 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    FI has a relative that we're not even sure how he's related that we don't really want to invite but might have to. His aunt told us that he'd be hurt if he wasn't invited and will give us a very generous gift. I don't really want to invite him because I feel gift grabby after her comment about the gift but I'm leaving it up to FI since it's his side of the family. I also have an aunt (by marriage) that I absolutely can't stand. I can't even be the bigger person and say hi or bye at family functions I will say it to everyone around her but not her. If you knew her this wouln't seem so cruel.

    The whole natural everything is ok as long as someone doesn't try to force it down my throat. The people who are preachy about it make me not want to partake in any of it. FI's cousin's husband is "that guy". Telling me all about how pain medication during labor is bad for the baby etc. and kept telling the Dr. not to give his wife the pain meds even after she broke down and asked because it went against their birth plan. I would have slapped him since he's not the one in pain pushing the kid out. cnf I'm with you on the no vaccine thing. I honestly just think it's putting your child at risk when they could be protected. As a biology major/pharmaceutical researcher I just don't understand the logic of not vaccinating a child.
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  • kellyelizkellyeliz member
    Third Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited June 2012
    YES! I am desperately hoping that my uncle and his wife don't come! My mom (it's her brother) is hoping the same thing! He sent me a facebook message the morning after our engagement party that said "Kelly, I was wondering when your big day is" Nothing else - no hope you had fun, no congrats, nothing. He then asked me if "he shud put it in his calendar" (not should but shud). This might sound really bitchy on my end but there is a whole long back story that goes to this that I can not even begin to describe to you or I'd have to write a book. He also has about 6 or 7 kids (two with kids of their own). I am not inviting their children but they are the type that I will invite 2 and get their RSVP with 13 written in. Such a nightmare!

    Also - mini vent - I just got an email from my aunt who is getting married this August. I had no idea. The email said "Hotel for the August 18th wedding". It then said the rate and that invites would go out soon. WE HAVE THE SAME NAME. Now my mother is getting emails from long distance family thinking that it is my wedding! I'm guessing this was her tacky idea of a STD (not that email save the dates are the worst thing ever but the wording was all wrong because no one even knew she was getting married)! I'm now thinking that my own Save the Dates need to go out sooner rather than later so that it is clear that this is not my wedding!

    ETA: Sorry this was so long!
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  • anastassiiatanastassiiat
    500 Comments First Anniversary
    Kelly - that sucks about the situation with your aunt, I hope it all gets resolved.

    Girls, thank you for making me feel better! I've very non-judgy on how people parent, but, like Bar put it, the word "preachy" about sums up how my friend is. She was telling people who choose to have their kids vaccinated that they are "poisoning" them! I'm sorry, but last I've checked my fully vaccinated kid is perfectly happy! Urgh...
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  • sparkles776sparkles776 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I have a friend that I kind of lost touch with the past couple of years. I was invited to her wedding 2 years ago and it was out of state (even though both her and her FI are from my hometown, I am sorry but I thought it was incredibly selfish to have your wedding out of state and when people cant come, get mad about it. /rant) I just couldnt justify spending around 2000 to go to her wedding. I know I have to invite her because she invited me, but we really arent friends anymore...ugh I dont know wwyd?

    As a future nurse, I completely disagree with people who choose to not vaccinate their children, as PPs have said it is way more risky to not vaccinate them. However, I dont get involved with people beliefs, but it does drive me absolutely crazy when people do act pompous or like they are better than you and try to shove their beliefs down your throat.

    Another example: One of my friends since high school first decided to become a vegetarian and now a vegan. I have absolutely no problem with this. But when we eat together and I eat meat, she just rolls her eyes and always has to make some sort of comment. She also posts tons of annoying FB statuses about how bad meat is for you. It is just so annoying.
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  • cnf2013cnf2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Sparkles, I super agree with you. I was a vegetarian for six years and now I only eat a limited variety of meat mostly because I was having nutrient problems. Now, and even then, I never cared what other ate. I don't even care if other meat touches my not meat foods. I got a turkey burger from some burger place a few weeks ago and they specific burger I ordered came with bacon and asked it not to be on there. It was and I saw them take it off hap-hazard like. I didn't care. People need to get the eff over themselves sometimes. 

    Also, I'd say don't invite that girl if you don't want. Weddings aren't tit for tat. If you're not friends anymore I'd say don't waste the money. 
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  • SB1512SB1512 member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    OP if you don't want this woman to come to your wedding, then don't invite her, it's as simple as that.  If she is rude enough to question or harass you about why she didn't get an invite you can give a number of reasons (we have a budget and couldn't invite everyone we wanted, we want to keep the wedding small, etc).  I lived with a girl for 2 years and while we got along great I was not invited to her wedding.  I never questioned her on it as it was not my place to put her in an uncomfortable spot.  We still are friends and I never held it against her that I wasn't invited.  In the end, she actually brought it up and basically between her and her groom's large families the guest list was already bulging at 250 and they just couldn't have everyone there they would have liked.
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  • bar10521bar10521 member
    100 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Sparkles cnf is right weddings aren't ti for tat. Just because she invited you to hers doesn't mean that you have to invite her especially if you don't want her there. 
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  • cnf2013cnf2013 member
    1000 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    We're inviting my FI's best friend and roommate from when he worked at Space Camp. This guy got married last year and didn't invite FI, but it doesn't matter to us, we don't hold it against him because we understand putting a guest list together is frustrating and limiting. I'd say don't invite her and just tell her the budget dictated the guest list and that plenty of others didn't make the cut either. 
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  • iloveu4everiloveu4ever member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 25 Love Its
    Yes a few people :)

     
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  • Kenneylynn3Kenneylynn3 member
    Sixth Anniversary 10 Comments
    Haha...I do! Sorry to say, but I'm hoping my grandmother doesn't come. I am close to my mom's family, bur since my parents separated when I was small, I've never been close to my father's family, or him for that matter. To say the least, I don't communicate with any of them, so most aren't being invited. However, I did invite his mother. She's my mom's ex-monster in-law. All she ever does is judge and thinks things aren't good enough. Do to the fact that it's a small, budget wedding, and she'll just have something bad to say, I hope she doesn't come.

    Also, secretly hoping my future sister-in-law doesn't come, but there's no chance of that happening.
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