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Asking to be involved a month before the wedding

roseofdeborahroseofdeborah
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in Wedding Party

I have a girlfriend who I was going to ask to be a BM but with her very high anxiety issues (so much so they prevent her from working)  and the fact she would be the only person to know no one else attending the wedding she preferred not to, so I planned to ask her to be apart of the wedding in other ways. She's learning to be a make-up artist and has some paid gigs lately, so I thought if she wanted to be apart and help that I would love her to. Well around the time I got engaged things went south between us because her boyfriend hated me for a terribly childish reason which kept her from being able to talk to me. I felt awkward about things so I didn't say anything for a while either. Lately I realized that her friendship was more valuable than whatever I had to do to make things better, which I have. So long story short, is it rude to ask her to still be apart of the wedding day if she wants? I think she does based on dropped hints, but I am getting married in 1 month and don't want her to feel like an afterthought.

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Re: Asking to be involved a month before the wedding

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Asking her to do your make up is not asking her to be a part of the wedding.  It's asking her to work.  That's not an honor or something you ask friends to do.  

    Invite her to the wedding, and if she comes, spend some time with her at the reception.  If you want to work on your friendship, invite her to lunch and spend some time together.
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    If you want her to do your makeup, ask her how much she charges.  Don't assume that she'll be honored to be free labor.

    If you don't want to just put her to work, then ask if maybe she wants to get ready with you and your BMs, maybe invite her to the RD, that sort of thing.  Or just do as MNIN and try to work on the friendship.  One month out is far too late for any sort of title.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • roseofdeborahroseofdeborah
    First Comment
    No no I don't mean I want her to do my makeup, I was just saying that she does that in her artsy ways. The title I guess I have heard people thrown around is people who are apart of the "house party" although I've never seen one in action
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  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-to-be-involved-a-month-before-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:67b34082-783a-417b-a260-f499baffcee2Post:da8de6a5-3a4b-4487-b23e-ecf777919c71">Re: Asking to be involved a month before the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]No no I don't mean I want her to do my makeup, I was just saying that she does that in her artsy ways. The title I guess I have heard people thrown around is people who are apart of the "house party" although I've never seen one in action
    Posted by roseofdeborah[/QUOTE]

    House party seems to be only done in certain areas/circles, and outside of them it's pretty much unheard of.  If you're not familiar with it, you should probably skip it.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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  • roseofdeborahroseofdeborah
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_asking-to-be-involved-a-month-before-the-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:67b34082-783a-417b-a260-f499baffcee2Post:c20c647c-dd04-48c6-add9-bbcb1f7c09b4">Re: Asking to be involved a month before the wedding</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Asking to be involved a month before the wedding : House party seems to be only done in certain areas/circles, and outside of them it's pretty much unheard of.  If you're not familiar with it, you should probably skip it.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

    Thanks. I will most likely just stick with trying to re-build the friendship and not try to make it wedding related.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    I would probably just work on rebuilding the friendship too. There was a big misunderstanding at my brother's wedding so that I was only asked to be IN the wedding two weeks before it was actually going to happen. A month would have been nice! My brother was apparently supposed to have asked me and never did, so when my sister in law one day told me I needed to get a purple dress, I was blindsided by it. A month is still pushing it. Just rebuild the friendship in another way and tell her you'd be honored if she would attend your wedding (but don't try to include her because you feel like you have to).
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  • smartlyprettysmartlypretty member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    If you want to, you could ask her to do a reading at the ceremony (if you are having any). I think that would be nice. 
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  • zitiqueenzitiqueen member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    "House party" seems to be a Texas thing. In other words, you weren't good enough to make the bridal party cut, but we still want you to be our free slave labor for the weekend of the wedding and we also expect you to feel honored about it.

    Skip it.
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