what to do

JLAyen8861 · March 2012

Ok my to be mother in law is losing her fight with cancer and being moved to hospice today. Now I know I am late for the wedding being June 2nd but the plan was to send invitations out this Saturday, they are ready to go...but now I have different people questioning if they should not be sent but wait out of respect. I held off on sending them till now because my parents said it was more proper...but now we are at the month mark basically and again people are saying wait...I don't want to lose my mother in law and want to be respectful...but sending out invitations or not is that a question of respect? I don't know I am lost and emotional and trying to be there for my future hubbie

shan87 · March 2012

I'm really sorry for you. I don't know if there is any etiquette on the subject.

Personally, I would send them out, but wait on your MIL and FILs. You're cutting it really close as most reception venues need a head count a couple weeks ahead of time. I know your ILs may want to wait it out before they RSVP but at least you can get numbers from the majority of your list.

H never told me one of his uncles passed away so I addressed their invite to Mr and Mrs. his Aunt wrote really big on the RSVP- H DECEASED. I felt like a huge @$$ but his family knew I didn't know any better and it wasn't as big of a deal as I thought.

LetsHikeToday · March 2012

I don't want this to come out snarky at all because I am very sorry that you are dealing with this but what does sending out invitations have to do with her being sick? I can see people saying not to send THEM the invitation if it would make them uncomfortable but the rest? I don't get that.

calindi · March 2012

That's a really tough situation. How does your FI feel about it? Will he still want to proceed with the wedding as scheduled, or push it up and do something smaller so his Mom can be there? Or would he want to postpone it for now as it's too emotional of a time?

There's no easy answer, and it all depends on what's right for you, your FI and his family during this really tough time.

I don't think postponing sending out invites will help - it just depends on whether or not you want to reschedule the wedding, if that's even possible at this point. Talk to your FI first, then have him talk to his family to see what works for everyone. Hopefully if you choose to change your date, the vendors will have a heart and work with you.

Good luck and best wishes!

Zimsgirl · March 2012

I would send them out now but don't pressure responses right away. Sorry you're dealing with this

ggirl2001 · March 2012

Is his mom coherent? What does ffil say about it? I don't know why withholding invitations would do anything. Unless they want you to postpone the wedding?

crownsuperstar · March 2012

I guess my question would be why hold off on sending out the invites unless you are thinking about moving the date. If something happens you are moving the date? Just a thought. I don't think I would hold off sending them out. However, since your wedding is in June you still have a little time to hold off if that is what you wanted to do.

JLAyen8861 · March 2012

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I am thinking like most of you and wondering why would it matter on sending or not...but I wanted to check with you guys in case I was missing something. Actually a good time came up today where I could ask my fi and he wants wedding planning to go as normal he said so that is what I am sticking too...thank you guys again

crownsuperstar · March 2012

I hope the best for your FMIL and pray for y'all. It is very hard to watch someone go through that. Best luck with everything. I am glad you both could talk and work everything out.

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