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Judgy, party of 1

baconsmombaconsmom member
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in Wedding Woes
So there's some sort of "slut list" making the rounds of Facebook and media outlets. Whatever, same old, same old, right? 

Well, the Today show had on a girl whose name is on the list. She's 20. She graduated HS last year. She had to take some time off in the middle there to have TWO children. 

And she's SHOCKED she ended up on that list. 


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Re: Judgy, party of 1

  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    edited December 2011
    But WAIT! Do the kids have the same daddy??
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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    edited December 2011
    I think the guys who slept with her need to be on this list, too.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    I don't think they said. Though that was apparently the comment on the list: "Girl, how many baby daddies do you have?" 


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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_wedding-woes_judgy-party-of-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:47Discussion:1757307c-da1b-4b15-b3c7-523e9186e541Post:502263cf-52f1-499a-8210-2eefd64db764">Re: Judgy, party of 1</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think the guys who slept with her need to be on this list, too.
    Posted by ReturnOfKuus[/QUOTE]

    I concur.

    Does this FB slut list go both ways or is it just girls on it??
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    edited December 2011
    I call my 21 year old cousin a man-whore. One Mr. Peter should not have seen the insides of that many gardens, and these are only the ones I know about.

    Just Nasty.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    Kuus, you know I agree with you. I'm no fan of slut-shaming, but damn, you'd think after the first pregnancy she'd figure out how it works and, I dunno, buy some condoms or something. 

    I'm not judging the sex; I'm judging TWO children before you're 20. 
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  • zsazsa-stlzsazsa-stl member
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    edited December 2011
    Why is the Today show covering this?
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    I just a friendly gal looking for options.

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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    Of course boys aren't on it. Boys can't be sluts, DUH! 
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  • 6fsn6fsn member
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    edited December 2011

    There's quite a bit to judge there.  I'm glad she finished hs and all, but dang she could almost have a keg at the party.

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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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    edited December 2011
    Oh, I'm totally in favor of slut-shaming.  I just think we shouldn't limit our shaming to one sex.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    Why are you in favor of it? It's not your body; if they're not expecting you to raise their kids (or pay for it), what's the problem?


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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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    edited December 2011
    It's the same problem I have with a lot of things: no person is an island.  What people do and think is what creates a society, and that becomes a feedback loop that influences people's future behavior.  When we have a society where an estimated 80 damn percent of people have had a venereal disease, and a lot of people who have only had one partner are still getting it, then we need more shame, because we're doing sex all wrong. 
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    edited December 2011
    See I think we do girls a disservice. We tell them to go out and have all the sex they want, but don't be a slut and don't get pregnant. I don't get it.

    It just seems like so many mixed messages. Plus, what's wrong with telling a girl or boy that they aren't missing out on ANYTHING by not sleeping with every guy or girl they run up on.
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    edited December 2011
    One more.

    Why aren't we also sharing with young girls about some o the consequences of all of this free lovin? I know that it doesn't account for all of the infertility problems, but I have friends that issues are related to scar tissue or other problems associated with stds from their early 20's.

    Why aren't we telling kids that?

    I just think it's a myth that all this sex is making us happier. We have more people popping pills and depressed more than ever. Why are we more depressed and unhappy? I think because the myth isn't making us any more happy.
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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    edited December 2011
    I think it's because we're having more sex, but have forgotten how to have intimacy.  Among other reasons, of course.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    I agree that something needs to change, and that something is sex-ed and our society's persistent sex-negativity. I'm a slut, and I didn't end up with VD or get pregnant in my teens with some shady guy who took off (and then insist on keeping the baby, despite the fact that both mother and child would be better served by adoption.). 

    Plenty of people have multiple partners and don't end up with VD or babies. But those people haven't been taught that their only worth is decorative/sexual (like many young girls are), and they haven't been taught that they should never ever have sex and therefore shouldn't be given information about VD, contraception, and alternate sexual practices that lower the risks. 

    I think comprehensive sex-ed - including discussion about pleasure and fun, especially for girls - would do far more to lower disease and unwanted pregnancy rates than perpetuating some idea that sex is bad, and no one should be having it. 
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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    edited December 2011
    I think there's a HUGE difference between "sex is bad and no one should be having it" and "sex is intimate and carries risks, and you should make sure the situation/person is worth the risk and the vulnerability".
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    edited December 2011
    BM, you dodged a bullet if you didn't get anything. In your case you didn't, but so many other people do.

    Condoms don't protect you from everything. Skin rubbing against skin can open you up to MANY things. Yeah, it might not kill ya, but it can have consequences later on.
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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    edited December 2011
    Uh huh.  HPV and all strains of herpes can be transmitted even with a condom, and while everyone knows that HPV can give you cervical cancer, not everyone knows that if you ever become immunosuppressed for any reason, herpes 8 can give you lymphatic cancer (that one actually affects more males than females).
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    edited December 2011
    I fall under, "do you."

    However, I think it's wrong to knock someone that chooses to wait or is made to feel like they're wrong for not wanting to have sex before they're married.

    Just my 2 cents.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    I don't think I did "dodge a bullet". I know plenty of people just like me. And yeah, I know, anecdata. 

    Kuus, I'm not saying don't tell people about risks. Sure, explain the risks, but put them in perspective. I hear so many stories of sex-ed that was all pictures of oozing sores and "DON'T HAVE SEX!" and nothing else. Come on. That doesn't help anyone with anything, does it? No. 
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  • **O-Face****O-Face** member
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    edited December 2011
    Last time I checked, you could get pregnant after having sex one time. I'm not sure this makes one a slut.

    BUT, I understand what you're saying.  People make assumptions, and if you're in that situation you shouldn't be SHOCKED by them.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    I don't knock people who want to wait, if that's really what they want. I don't quite "get" it, because it's so far from my experience and the experiences of my acquaintances, but it's not my body, so it's not my decision. 

    That's really my point. I admit, I'm judgy, especially where children are concerned - a 20-y-o mother of two is something far different from a 25-y-o lover of 10, kwim? As long as innocents aren't being shafted, I don't see gettting my panties in a bunch over someone else's panties. 
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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    edited December 2011
    I had no sex ed at all, Baconsmom.  I read Sassy magazine, and it was great, and taught young women all about diseases and how they were transmitted and how prevalent they were, and all the different forms of birth control available.  I never got a "don't have sex" message from it at all, just a message that these were the risks, make of that what you will.  And what I made of it (until I was looking for an excuse not to have sex with Dumpster Dave) was that it's a good plan to make sure that it was worth the risk, and that the consequences of the risk wouldn't fall to my parents to bear. 
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    Well, see, there ya go. You've decided how risk-averse you are in your own life. That's all I'm asking for - readily accessible, good information, and as long as I'm not failing to properly care for innocent children or giving you something, why shame me? 
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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
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    edited December 2011
    Again, it's the norms that you're putting into society.  If you're shaping society into something that makes the risks even greater than they were before, then yes, you're doing something wrong.
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  • NOLABridesmaidNOLABridesmaid member
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    edited December 2011
    I think that y'all are right. We bring our norms and experiences into the discussion.

    BM, you had a good number of partners and didn't get any stds, but someone who has might have a different perspective, and may regret that they had so many partners.

    Why do you call yourself a slut instead of saying, "I had a lot of partners or something similar?" It seems like there is more to it that contributes to  your views on sex.
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  • baconsmombaconsmom member
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    edited December 2011
    Oh, just because I like to be provocative and confrontational. I don't like that "slut" (like "fat") is used to keep women in a certain place, that it's hurled around like this terrible insult. "You like sex! You had some! It didn't affect me at all, but I think you should be ashamed of it!"

    I don't think I should be ashamed of it, because I took care of myself and, eventually, my kid, so I use the word. 
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