How involved is FI during the wedding process?

littleluckypenny · April 2012

FI has helped pick the menu, cake and the favors. He also picked out the tuxes. He thinks that's all that needs to be done, so when he says he's stressed from planning I could smack him :P

Why do guys (or is it just my guy) think that all the other details magically happen by themselves that go into planning a wedding? What about decisions about centerpieces, linens, invitations, photo lists, music selections, decorating, etc. that they do not get?

random4180 · April 2012

My FI tends to get overwhelmed by the details...it helps if I do all the research and then present him with the findings. Even with his wedding ring! I looked at rings for months for him, would show him a couple every so often, bookmarked the ones that were possibilities, and then put about ten pictures (with prices and metal info) in a word document that he could browse. To be fair to him, he does have ADD and it can make it difficult for him to concentrate on a lot of things at once. So I schedule the vendor meetings and pay deposits and figure out the STD and invite wording and work out the details about the flowergirl wands and the BM bouquets. He'll meet me somewhere around the middle, go to pre-cana with me, taste the cakes with me, and drive us to the caterer meetings. He's handling the menswear and communicating with the band and I don't doubt he'll get it done. After all, he did ask me to marry him and that proposal was complete surprise, planned all by himself, right down to asking my dad for permission and getting his grandma's ring out of where it was being stored. It's a lot on my plate but he appreciates that I'm doing a lot and patiently listens to me when I start talking about centerpieces or favors.

Elizabeth80 · April 2012

My FI is involved with certain things but not annoyingly so. He keeps up with our vendor payments with me, the HM, his tux and the guest list. He leaves the decoration and who wears what up to me.

melntaitt · April 2012

He picked a few songs, arranged for dance lessons, went for a cake tasting and saw the venue.

That's about it....

paigejessica · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_how-involved-is-fi-during-the-wedding-process?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:512ca121-dcfd-46be-a41a-850f56b4860aPost:b0b98e8d-1f3b-4420-8d2d-f809464d2191">How involved is FI during the wedding process?</a>:
[QUOTE]Why do guys (or is it just my guy) think that all the other details magically happen by themselves that go into planning a wedding? What about decisions about centerpieces, linens, invitations, photo lists, music selections, decorating, etc. that they do not get?
Posted by littleluckypenny[/QUOTE]

<div>Omg that is so true! I'm cracking up over here.</div><div>
</div><div>FI helped with food and cake tasting (of course lol). He also helped pick the menu since there were a lot of options to choose from. Usually he just nods or says "sure," when I ask him his opinion of stuff or picks out his favorite among some pictures of stuff I'm thinking of doing. He's only really taken charge when I was with him at the tux shop. Surprisingly he was a quick decision maker about tux style, pattern of ties, the colors (he wants to wear ivory, the boys are wearing aqua), and the shoes. He chose a paisley pattern for the ties and while I wasn't crazy about it I just let it be. It's his wedding too and since he's actually super invested in the tuxes for the men I won't stand in his way. </div><div>
</div><div>That was the only thing though. Everything else is nod and smile lol. </div>

littleluckypenny · April 2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interracial-weddings_how-involved-is-fi-during-the-wedding-process?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:c9069c39-6e1f-4397-9e66-aeb7ed51fccbDiscussion:512ca121-dcfd-46be-a41a-850f56b4860aPost:6548a773-3bc0-423c-925d-5f430fcdf007">Re: How involved is FI during the wedding process?</a>:
[QUOTE] <strong>He's only really taken charge when I was with him at the tux shop</strong>. Surprisingly he was a quick decision maker about tux style, pattern of ties, the colors (he wants to wear ivory, the boys are wearing aqua), and the shoes. He chose a paisley pattern for the ties and while I wasn't crazy about it I just let it be. It's his wedding too and since he's actually super invested in the tuxes for the men I won't stand in his way. That was the only thing though. <strong>Everything else is nod and smile lol</strong>.
Posted by paigejessica[/QUOTE]

J did that too. I told him he had free reign at the tux shop, as long as the tux wasn't white lol. He got to pick style of tux and shirt. I picked the vest colors (silver for J, blue for GM, grey for dads).

If I wanted a "yes man" I would hire one! I guess I get frustrated because I don't want him to feel like it's MY wedding, I want it to be OUR decisions, so just getting the "whatever you want, dear" and head nod just irks me sometimes.

librababy · May 2012

I actually prefer doing the majority of the planning by myself. I do ask his opinion and get his ok on big decisions, like hiring the caterer and booking the venue. But he is not into the small details, like centerpieces or favors and I am fine taking care of those. I love to plan and plan alot of parties so this is up my alley. FI doesn't like to plan parties and would have rathered gone to a JOP and gotten married. Since I want a wedding day, I planned to do most of the wedding planning myself.

FI however, has been pretty involved. He designed the invitations and will be in charge of other paper aspects of the wedding as well (menu cards, programs, etc...) He is going to look for the officiant and he is in charge of the music and slideshow. He comes with me to all the big appointments like caterer tasting, registry appointments and even came to a Bridal expo. He is pretty excited about tux shopping too. I let him do him and he lets me do me. LOL...it works.

vantica · May 2012

Well.....I run all my ideas by my FI, but he's ok with mostly everything, so I think I prefer planning it mostly myself. Lol. Because whenever anyone suggests anything else he likes that too, and often those other ideas clash with my "vision", and he doesn't get it. Like his mother was showing us these balloon arches and centrepieces.....and he was like, wow those would be great. And I'm like....ummmmmm.....no. Well, I said it really nicely, like that I've already had an idea for centrepieces and everything (even though I'm not there yet). Or how his cousin asked us the other day if she was going to be in the wedding and he automatically started saying yes, and I chimed in with, "You get to be a guest!" And then explained that we are having an officiant and the bridal parties were already chosen, so what else is there really? He is filipino and everyone wants to be involved somehow, which is nice, but really.....I'm not going to make up jobs just to make people feel included. (Ok, I might have done that for the younger cousins.)

mizutamababy · May 2012

DH did zero, zip, zipolla of the planning.

The only thing he "helped with" was going with me to the store to get his attire sorted out and even that was like pulling teeth until I got him physically inside of the store.

That said, he really enjoyed the wedding. Even though I wish he had been more involved because my stress levels were often through the roof, we often don't see eye to eye on things so perhaps he might have protested something in the beginning that in the end was not an issue had he been more involved.

Also in DH's culture people don't plan their own weddings here since all reception places come with a coordinator, so he would have had no idea what to do...

How involved is FI during the wedding process?

Re: How involved is FI during the wedding process?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards