I'm hypventilating here.....

Festiva · May 2010

(sorry about the length...but all necessary info. really need some advice!)

When my fiance and I began discussing how we wanted to get married- he was adament on Hawaii. I came around to the idea quickly and began looking into cost of a DW wedding...when he realized this he corrected me that he wanted it to only be him and I.
This did not originally sit well with me...."eloping". His reason was simple - we shouldn't inflict that cost on our loved ones just to see us get married. He felt that it would be a burden.

Okay- 2 years later we're actually in the throws of planning and I've come around to the idea of it being only the two of us. I now love the idea actually...and then to have an AHR once home.
Friday night he threw me a serious curve ball- he said "Let's send out invites and who ever can come will come" He's actually growing more and more excited about our wedding, which is soooo sweet and I think it's why he now wants to invite people. He's already invited his brother over the phone.

I was stunned...and even speechless. I have been mentally preparing myself for 2 years now to love his idea...and now he wants to change it. A tiny part of me was delighted but mostly I feel the way he originally felt- I don't want to inflict this cost on our loved ones.
For example: I know that his brother (whom has 3 children) will absolutley come. I've done the math, and this trip will set his brother back 5k - 6k !!!!!
We do not realistically have the money for a nice reception over there...an AHR will still be far less expensive. And we cannot realistically help our guests with air fare or accomodations. =(
Another thing is- I discussed the DW idea with his mother 2 years ago and she did believes a DW is RUDE. Yep, rude. I know she'll come too (of course) but I don't want to feel her fake smile and disapproving glances for the next year of planning.

I really don't know how I should feel, or what I should be doing...

Please share any advice you can on this- thank you so much!

Meghangh · May 2010

Ok, first of all this is a DW and you have to realize and come to know that not everyone will be able to make it including some of your closest friends and family. This is decision between you and FI, so you both should sit down and talk about your options together, and if you think you want people to come to your wedding then send out invites and let them know far in advance.

If you plan your wedding a year out most people will be able to save up the money to go to your wedding if it's that important to them to be there.

You are not inflicting cost on anyone, you are not making them go to your wedding, you are just inviting them and they can go if they want to.

Just have a talk with your family members and see what they think about a DW, and if they are cool with it and want to come then good!

HTH

ToBeMrs.O2011 · May 2010

I agree with Meghan. You are not making anyone attend your wedding. If they are prepared to invest the cost of traveling to be at your wedding, that is great! We are not paying for anyone to travel to our wedding and we do not expect everyone to attend. We are giving guests nearly 2 years to plan though, which is more than enough time IMO. I think 1 year is pretty standard and acceptable.

I think you need to have a sit-down with your FI to seriously talk about what you BOTH want for your wedding day and AHR and also what is realistically within your financial means. If that means opening up your DW to invite friends and family, great! Have fun planning. Some people are always going to have something negative to say regardless. It'si important to remember that this is YOUR day and you need to make the decision that is going to make you happy.

MrsLukePayne · May 2010

What Meghan said.

captainleela · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.weddings.com/Sites/Weddings/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-theme-boards_destination-weddings_im-hypventilating-here?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Theme BoardsForum:54Discussion:4c8c5c62-b5c9-45ca-95b4-ac77276d2c3fPost:fa177121-2711-4c32-9792-7048bf0687a3">Re: I'm hypventilating here.....</a>:
[QUOTE] You are not inflicting cost on anyone, you are not making them go to your wedding, you are just inviting them and they can go if they want to.
Posted by Meghangh[/QUOTE]

This.

Festiva · May 2010

Okay- thank you ladies!
I guess I also feel so freaked out b/c it changes so many things. I don't think we'll be able to have an AHR now...we'll be using that money to have a small reception there.

And the thought of his mother disapproving is not a warm and fuzzy feeling...

I will sit down with him for a real discussion...thank you!!

CraziStarr · May 2010

You've gotten a lot of great advice above - all of which I agree with 100%.

I just wanted to respond to "We do not realistically have the money for a nice reception over there...an AHR will still be far less expensive."

It's perfectly fine not to have a reception at your destination --- and just throw a big (affordable) party back home. We're staying at an all-inclusive resort, and we're springing for the semi-private dinner reception included in our wedding package. Not staying at an all inclusive? Have all your guests meet you at a local bar for a drink or just grab dinner somewhere fun. You can do all the reception-y things back home if you please. Good luck!!

Beth0413 · May 2010

I completely agree with the great advice you've gotten so far! Just remember that it's your day & don't feel bad about others. You're not forcing anyone to go, it's their choice. Good luck

I'm hypventilating here.....

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