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Standing the entire Mass????

Theresa626Theresa626 member
First Comment
in Catholic Weddings
Help!  I just wrote the church lady where I'm getting married and asked her some questions about whether there will be kneelers and where we will be sitting and she replied that the bride and groom and the entire wedding party will only be kneeling and standing the entire Mass. We never sit and we apparently stand in front of the altar for the entire Mass.

I'm am really really freaking out about this. First of all, every Catholic wedding i've ever been to, the bride and groom get to sit down in two chairs on the right of the altar when everyone else sits except for the vows. 

I've planned a lot of really great music from a professional choir and I am so excited about the music.  But, some of it is long. I can't even imagine getting to enjoy the music let alone getting to enjoy the ceremony when i'm standing there in heels in front of everyone for an entire hour.  I'll be standing for pictures, standing for the mass and then I'm supposed to dance the night away?  All I'll be thinking about the entire ceremony is when will it finally be over so I can just sit down.  I feel so angry and upset over this and i don't know wny they would make everybody stand the whole time.  It's just stupid.

What can I do?  I really want to make this different somehow.  Do you think if I talk to the priest or the other church lady (there's two and the other one's nicer) I could somehow have it changed?  Do I have any ground to stand on?  What would you advise I do? 
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Re: Standing the entire Mass????

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    GulfCoasterGulfCoaster
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    edited December 2011
    I've seen an Eastern Catholic wedding where the bride and groom stood the whole liturgy, but never a Roman Catholic one.  But then, as I mentioned in a post last week, the Roman Catholic weddings I've been to all had the bride and groom sitting on separate sides of the altar before the vows, and then sitting together after the vows.  Apparently that seating arrangement is not common in all parts of the country.  So maybe the sitting/standing thing is regional, or particular to this priest/parish.

    When do you next meet with the priest?  You may want to talk to him directly about it.  Just politely ask why the lady in the office told you that you'd have to stand the entire Mass, and whether it is possible to sit.  (I'd refrain from calling standing "stupid," even if you think it is, since that's not likely to persuade him.)  I don't think the rubrics of the nuptial Mass require standing the whole time.  I haven't looked at the rubrics recently, but I did when I was copying some of the text of the Mass into our programs -- and I'm pretty sure that at certain points it says, "the bride and groom stand, if seated," which seems to suggest that either sitting or standing is an option under the rubrics.  You may want to look up the rubrics for a nuptial Mass to find out the universal Church's guidelines, and then find out whether your (arch)diocese has any particular policy on standing or sitting.
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    Calypso1977Calypso1977 member
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    edited December 2011
    i agree, this seems odd.  you dont normally stand through an entire Mass so not sure why you would on your wedding day.  but you also dont kneel through the entire Mass either, and i know some B&G's have had to do taht too.  Talk to the priest.
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    bel138bel138 member
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah, we're Byzantine and we stood for all 90 minutes of our wedding liturgy. We don't kneel either, so we didn't even get a break. To be honest though, I was so excited, happy, and engrossed with everything that I wasn't uncomfortable standing for 90 minutes in 4" stilettos.

    If you don't like this idea, though, I would speak to the priest. If they have kneelers they put there for you, what's the harm in dragging out two chairs, too?
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    Theresa626Theresa626 member
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    edited December 2011
    Just for an update, I decided to talk to the other church lady who is much sweeter  and nicer and see what she said.  She said that normally the priest prefers that we kneel when everyone sits and stand when all stand. However, if  I would prefer to sit when everyone sits that we can do that and it will be fine, it's just not what the priest prefers.  Luckily, she will be there for the rehearsal and said she would let them know that we have chosen to sit.  I'm so glad I've got her pulling for me. 
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    berrytrberrytr
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    edited December 2011
    Yay!  I glad to hear that this has worked out.  When I read this I was very concerened for you.  Good luck with everything.
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    akg0053akg0053 member
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    edited December 2011
    I'm so glad this worked out for you!
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    Not caring about missing RSVPs because there aren't any rocks!
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    DianneMoBDianneMoB member
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    edited December 2011
    Standing in a tight wedding dress and high heels for 90 minutes? That sounds like a recipe for disaster. I attended a wedding mass where the bride fainted dead away during the service. They literally had to carry her out and revive her. It turned out she hadn't eaten all day, so don't make that mistake!

    Please discuss this in more detail with the priest. Frankly, it seems cruel to expect anyone to stand for that length of time.
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    bel138bel138 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Dianne - Many churches in Europe only have moveable seats because sitting during the Liturgy/Mass is a relatively new invention and the churches weren't built with pews. A lot of Eastern Catholic and Orthodox churches don't have seating at all. I really don't think it's THAT cruel. I also knew about standing the whole time and could have altered my outfit if I found it that much of an inconvenience. People stand longer everyday in many occupations.
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    HBHoneymoonersHBHoneymooners
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    edited December 2011
    We stood when the congregation stood and knelt the rest of the time. Honestly it all went by so fast and I was so in the moment that the standing and kneeling didn't bother me (or my heals) one bit. I was actually glad that I didn't have to deal with trying to gracefully flop my long train around a chair anyways. We have so many beautiful photos of my husband and I kneeling at the front of the church, you should really consider it.
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    Theresa626Theresa626 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, when I go to Mass now, I am always very uncomfortable kneeling.  I'm a bad catholic I guess because I always end up half sitting on the bench or my heels. But, I couldn't really do that in front of everyone.  When i go to church and we stand in the back, I'm constantly swaying back and forth and moving around and leaning against the wall.  I think I'd have a really hard time not swaying and shifting my weight constantly when standing for that long.  I don't really want pictures of us with me slouching and looking all sloppy and I dont want to be that uncomfortable the whole time either.  My dress barely has a train. It just looks like the rest of the dress but slightly longer. No detail or anything.  I think the pictures will come out nice and possibly better with us sitting. 
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