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Politely declining a bridal shower..

glam70sglam70s member
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in Pre-wedding Parties
Is there any way to politely decline a bridal shower? My MOH and FMIL want to throw me two separate showers, one for my friends and family, and one for FI's friends and family. I'm uncomfortable enough with being the center of attention at the wedding and wanted a destination wedding, but I lost that debate. We also have all the "stuff" we need and then some, as we've been living together for 6 years already. We were not planning to register unless we come under significant pressure to do so. It seems like two bridal showers would make a registry much more necessary.

I've mentioned before that I don't want any showers, but I think my FMIL took that as simple modesty, not really seriously. Is there a tactful way to explain that the idea of a shower makes me really uncomfortable? I don't handle being given gifts well at the best of times and the wedding has me nervous enough - two showers would be really stressful! Not to mention one of them would be all people I don't know well at all.

Thanks ladies.. FMIL is talking January and only mentioned it last night, so I still have time to nip it in the bud, but I'm not convinced there's a way to do so without seeming ungrateful for the offer.
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Re: Politely declining a bridal shower..

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    Kristin789Kristin789 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Well, neither thing you described is a bridal shower.

    The shower is hosted by the MOH, assisted by the BMs, and the guest list is the bride's closest friends, MOB, maybe a grandmother of the bride, and maybe MOG.

    What you are describing with your extended family would be an engagement party, hosted by your parents, to introduce FI to your extended family.  No gifts are brought to this event, so you wouldn't feel the pressure of handling gifts. 

    What you are describing with FI's extended family that FMIL wants to host is the second engagement party, hosted by the groom's parents, to introduce the bride to the groom's extended family.  No gifts are brought to this event, so again, no pressure with gifts.

    So you don't need to turn down anything offered by FMIL at this point.  Say YES to her offer of hosting a party, and indicate that this would be an engagement party, not a shower to shake down FI extended female relatives who don't know you and barely remember him to give you some great gifts.  That would be rude.

    And tell your mother that you would love a get-together with your extended family to introduce FI to the family, and indicate that this would be an engagement party, not a shower.

    And tell your MOH that you would love a shower with your closest friends huddled around you for an afternoon of friendtalk and pasta salad and cake.  And yeah, gifts... but there would only be about 12 people there:  You, MOH, 3 bms, MOB, grandMOB, 5 friends of yours, so there would only be 11 presents to open there.
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